


Waiting in the Wings for You

by Wrote_My_Own_Deliverance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens Fluff, Alexander drinks too much coffee, Alexander needs to get over himself, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Flirting, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bottom Alexander Hamilton, Eventual Smut, Family Fluff, Flirting... Do you Mean Making Musical References?, Flirty Marquis de Lafayette, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay John Laurens, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Hurt/Comfort, John is too pure for this world, M/M, Pining John, Sick Alexander Hamilton, Theatre AU, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top John Laurens, Who Knew Candy Could be Such a Plot Device, what are tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:44:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wrote_My_Own_Deliverance/pseuds/Wrote_My_Own_Deliverance
Summary: John Laurens is the Master Electrician of a Broadway Theatre, he's good at what he does. It's his life. Status quo. Until the new stage manager walks into his theatre and changes everything.





	1. Chapter 1

That damned light. It was tipped straight down, and something in the wiring was off making it flicker when it did work. I crawled out onto the catwalk, and then moved to the lighting truss, keeping my body low against the frame. I clipped my tether to new spots the further out I climbed.

Finally, I made it to that damned light. It had been giving us trouble for the last two shows. I pulled the wrench from my toolbelt, noting that one of my techs had broken the safety chain that connected it to the toolbelt,  _amateurs, I'm gonna kill someone with this thing and whose fault will that be?_ I looked down at the dark stage, almost sure that it was empty, but blinded by the lights, it was hard to tell. I reached out and ratcheted the lamp in place, as I turned the wrench it bumped into the scaffold and all at once and as time stood still as quickly as I could notice, it was sliding through my fingers, proving gravity as more than just a theory.  _Of course! Of course this would happen._ The one untethered piece of equipment.

"Heads up on stage!" I shouted.

The dropped wrench banged on the stage, sound echoing through the empty theatre.

"Sorry!" I called to no one in particular, the stage itself maybe.

A figure I hadn't noticed, a man, jumped at the sound, and pulled his headphones off. I noticed a roll of bright orange tape in his hands.

"Can you… help me?" I asked him softly, still not able to see his face, not sure who it was.

The man disappeared into the shadows again and I rested my cheek against the cold metal of the truss, really not wanting to climb back down the length of it, down the ladder and then all the way back up again. I blew an errant curl away from my face and waited, tapping my fingers on the metal. I heard his voice, grumbling, frustrated.

"I would love it if you could not make your problem my problem. You're just as competent as I am! I'm your last resort. Figure it out."

"Well, fine, that's cool, too. Sorry to bother you," I called loud enough to be heard, and then followed it under my breath, "asshole."

I started the long journey down and he looked up, rising again out of the shadows, he pulled off a headset I hadn't seen,  _he wasn't talking to me_ , adding it to his neck with his headphones. He made a visor over his eyes with his hand to see me through the lights and picked up my wrench.

"Sorry, do you… need this?" He held it up over his head.

"Please!" I nodded and scaled to the ladder, he climbed the bottom five rungs, and I shimmied as far as my tether would let me.

He clutched the ladder tightly, looking afraid despite being less than eight feet off the ground, he held the wrench up as far as he could and I reached for it, barely able to grasp it, our fingers touched and I grinned at him, able to see him now in the low light.

He was alluring even through the crease on his forehead, tired look in his eyes, missed spot of stubble high on his cheek, patchy goatee. I was nervous... nothing made me nervous. I was fine being clipped by a carabiner alone forty feet in the air to a piece of metal. But this man, this man made me nervous. I liked it. I liked the thrill and excitement of the feeling. When you choose to risk death every day to not make enough money, they classify you as an adrenaline junkie, I chased the thrill.

"Thanks." I grinned and made my way back up, exchanging the safety chain on the screwdriver I wouldn't need and replacing the broken strap on the wrench to ensure that this was a one time only mistake.

I scaled back out quickly and fixed the lamp, securing it in place at the right angle and shoring up the wiring to make sure that it wouldn't flicker, it came on and illuminated the man with the tape all the way. He recoiled at the light and I saw him for what he was, a little shorter than me, tanner than me, too. Long hair pulled back into a messy bun, 'Wicked' hoodie on, a little too baggy, half zipped up, sleeves pushed to his elbows, roomy carpenter jeans and beat up sneakers. I moved back to the ladder, crawled down and dismounted it. I adjusted my harness where it had ridden up and went over to say hello to the man who made me feel nervous.

"Hey." I stood over him, blocking his light as he tore the tape with his teeth.

"Hi." He kept working, taping the stage around a scenery wagon.

I crouched down beside him, heart thumping, "thank you for that."

"Yeah, no you're good." He didn't look at me, instead flipping through a binder at his feet, he drug his finger across the text, "so, they come in… and then we have to get… okay, this moves to… got it." He put his headphones back on, leaving his headset around his neck.

He stood from his crouch and pulled the wagon downstage, backed up toward the pit to look at it and then moved it imperceptibly before tearing another length of tape with his teeth. I watched, not sure if he was busy or ignoring me.  _Okay, cool, yeah, well good talk._  I resisted the urge to shoot finger guns in his direction.

"Ugh! What?" he grumbled to himself, switching his headphones for the headset again, "let me guess, you still can't find it? …No. No. I didn't see it there, either. So help me God, if you bother Lafayette, I'll have your head for a prop, got it? Yeah, I'm on my way… No, the light dude fixed it, no problem,  _he can actually do his job,_ so, we're golden... I really have to finish spiking, so you'd better make this quick."

He turned the headset off again and slammed his binder shut before he stormed off the stage.

From that conversation, I knew two things:

_One:_ He knew Lafayette… I mean, Laf was directing, so of course he knew him, but still. He knew him.

_Two:_  I, ' _the light dude'_ was on his good side, and that seemed like a very good place to be.

I went back into the light booth and tested the spots, all good. Everything was set. I got out my sketchbook and occupied myself until something else broke. I didn't realize the microphones were hot, and neither did  _he._

"'Alexander, I can't find my wig.' Go to Hercules. 'Alexander, do you know why mic number three isn't working?' Go to Madison. 'Alexander, I'm not off book.' Go to Lafayette! Jesus fucking Christ. Stage manager. I'm the stage manager. I'm not your mother."

I listened to him rant, his voice was scratchy, maybe from not sleeping, maybe from smoking, I looked down at the stage and watched him pace on the stage, hands in fists. More and more of his hair falling out of his messy bun. Instinctively, I tucked my own hair behind my ear. He disappeared into the wings and I kept sketching.

I now knew three more things:

_Three:_ His name was Alexander.

_Four:_ He was the stage manager for this production.

_Five:_ I had to talk to him.

Lafayette came into my booth and startled me.

"How's it going up here?" he asked.

I shrugged, "got overhead B fixed… again. Hey who's goatee? Stage manager."

He stared at me for a moment, thinking about the question I had asked, his full lips twitched a smirk.

"That is Alexander Hamilton, he's our stage manager. Why? You like him." Everything sounded deadpan in Lafayette's thick, French accent.

"I… no- I was- I just…" I stuttered.

Lafayette gave me a look and then left my booth.

I stayed and sketched until actors took the stage. We ran full dress and the light that was the bane of my existence cooperated. Lafayette and the stage manager…  _Alexander,_ looked through the binder together, pen working furiously in Alexander's hand. Lafayette was gesticulating wildly at the stage. I hit every light cue since the actual lighting team wouldn't in the booth until opening night.  _The light guy can do his job._

I snuck out for dinner while Laf ran notes with the cast. While I sat alone, eating greasy pizza off a paper plate, I looked for Alexander Hamilton on Facebook… to no avail. I wanted to know this guy. Who was he? I thought about what my 'in' with him could be. I thought through conversations I could strike up with him. Most of them ending with me on top of him, both of us naked, but that seemed to be getting a little ahead of myself.

I went back to the theatre in time to patch the last few things that Lafayette wanted changed before opening night and then took myself to Dressing Room C… or as I liked to call it, home. I kicked off my shoes and pulled the futon into my bed. I took off my pants and curled up on the lumpy futon mattress, watching Netflix on my phone until I fell asleep.

When morning came, I grabbed my toiletry bag, towel that smelled vaguely like mildew and a fresh set of clothing and made for the men's bathroom backstage, through the green room and took a shower. I dressed for the day and traversed back through the theatre.  _He_ was on stage. I watched from the booth as he retaped the stage, spiking different areas, talking to himself as he did so.

"You know, John, you really don't want any of that." Lafayette teased me, I didn't hear him enter my booth, too caught up in my thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I furrowed my brow.

"He has some issues."

"Like?"

"Not my place to say."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and opened a bag of pretzels...  _breakfast._ Lafayette took a handful and went back down to the stage.

The rest of the day passed without much stress, I circled my team and we quickly ran cues. Lighting was locked down. We were ready. The actors busied themselves with preparations and I slipped down to the wings to see how things were coming along, mostly out of curiosity. Then, I saw  _him._

My heart fluttered and I inched closer, chasing the thrill.

"Hey." I leaned against the black wall where he stood, face in his phone, mouthing whatever he was reading.

"What?" He looked at me expectantly.

"I was just saying 'hi.'"

"Hi." He smiled curtly and went back to reading on his phone.

"I'm John…. Laurens. John Laurens. Master electrician. Hi."

"Alex." He kept reading.

"It's nice to meet you."

"Mhm." He picked up a cup of coffee and drank deeply from it before retrieving his binder again, scrawling new notes onto the script.

"Seems like it's gonna be a good show."

"Yup…. Fuck, that's not what's supposed to… goddammit." He muttered to himself and picked up a can of Red Bull and drank from it while hurrying behind the stage.

"That went well." I sighed.

I paced around the theatre, waiting for showtime. Once it got close to the house opening up, I harnessed myself and climbed to the truss, to the spot completely hidden from the audience. Best seat in the house. I could watch everything. The stage, backstage, it was all visible from up here. The lights went down and I felt the rush of the first show. Exhilarating. George Washington stepped onto the stage, looking dapper in his suit. He welcomed the audience.

"Thank you so much for being here. It has been my true honour to produce this show. I could not have done it without the amazing team of hardworking people that we have working, and so without further ado, the show!"

With the mask of applause I opened a package of Sour Patch Kids and ate my candy while I watched the show. I could see Alex from my vantage point, following the red light on his headset as he weaved backstage, getting the actors where they needed to be, wrangling the crew, getting scenery on deck. It was mesmerizing to watch the frenzied pace that he worked at. I shifted my weight on the truss, folding my legs criss cross, the movement caught his eye and he looked up at me. In the dark I could make out his shocked expression and I waved at him and ate another piece of candy. He shook his head and went back to working.

The show went well, the musicians played flawlessly, my team hit all of the cues. There were only a few mishaps with the crew, the actors doing about as well. I listened to Lafayette give notes to the actors and waited to hear what he had to say about the lights. He wanted the gobos adjusted before the matinee. I promised to get to it in the morning.

"You are sure you don't want to come out and celebrate?" Laf asked.

"As much as that sounds like fun, I have, like eight dollars to my name right now."

"I understand." He clapped a hand on my shoulder and wrapped a scarf around his neck.

The actors made their way out the stage door. Alex was in the green room, cleaning up. I picked up a makeup covered tissue, "here, I'll help."

"Huh? Oh, thanks." He smiled at me.

Disarming. His smile. It reached his dark eyes, lighting them up, made him look younger.

"Good show tonight." I complimented him.

"Went okay, yeah. Did something go wrong with the lights?"

"Nope, why?"

"Well, you were out on the rig." He said it like it was obvious.

"Best seat in the house." I grinned at him.

"That's a hard pass."

"You don't like heights." I smirked, remembering him on the ladder yesterday.

"It's not the heights, it's the falling I don't like."

"I suppose that's a good way of putting it. Are you going out with everyone?"

"Oh. No. I'm gonna finish up here and then go crash. I was here until almost five today. I'm fucking beat."

"I saw you drinking coffee and Red Bull earlier." I giggled.

"That's opening night for you. Let's see if I actually get to sleep tonight."

"Got it, yeah, that's cool."

"You're John, right?"

"Yeah." My heart raced when he said my name.

"Cool. John. Cool."

"Yeah, cool." Was this flirting? Is that what we were doing.

All of the trash was cleaned, I excused myself to go hide in the booth and pretend that I wasn't a squatter in the theatre and waited for him to leave. He wouldn't. He kept working. Pen still in his hand going over the binder, his bible. Finally, he left.

I put myself to bed on the futon and talked to myself.

"You talked to him… and it was a pretty good talk, I'd say that's progress. I mean, he's probably straight, but still. It counts."

I thought about when he smiled at me until I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, you guys stuck around! Welcome back! Thank you so much for the comment, that means the world to me and motivates me to turn out more content. I hope you enjoy!

I went outside just to see what the weather was like. It was brisk, I snuggled down into my hoodie and grinned. The dizzying array of steam and car horns, sirens, and the roaring of a thousand conversations. Manhattan. Midtown. God, I loved it. Everything was always happening. It was noisy, it was perfect. So much better than the quiet, sleepy pace of home. There was always something to see, to hear, to do.

Alex came outside, on his phone, and grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of his jeans. He still wore his 'Wicked' hoodie, now in black jeans, all black Vans, looking like a ninja. His headset clipped to his waist, there were no headphones today. I leaned against the wall casually and tried not to eavesdrop too hard.

"...I know. I'm sorry, but, hey tech week's over, so it's only going to get easier... I'm sorry, yeah, of course I'll be home tonight… have a good day, though, yeah? I will… okay… I love you, too, so so much!" He sipped his coffee and hung up.

From this conversation I learned one thing:

One:  _He was taken._

I pushed past him and went back inside, taking a moment to sit on my futon and feel sorry for myself.  _Of course he's taken, John._ I chided myself and grumbled. I often got cases of puppy love and absolutely nothing came of them. The occasional fling, one night stand. It wasn't hard to find a lonely boy seeking validation when working in a theatre, we were all lonely boys seeking validation, except Alex. Alex with the beautiful smile, Alex had someone to go home to every night.  _Good for him._ I checked my watch, I could sulk for at least another hour. I did.

I took my sulking up to my booth. No one else was there yet, I cleaned up their trash left behind from the previous night. Light guys were filthy. I sketched in the sketchbook that I kept hidden in the booth. Lafayette joined me, he had an air of calm about him.

"Last night was very good." He smiled, long legs kicking up and resting on my lighting desk.

"Yeah. Good job. I know you've worked hard."

"It's fun to see it all come together. You worked hard, too." He grinned at me and ran his fingers through his hair, resecuring the wild mane into its high poof.

"I suppose I still owe you for getting me this gig in the first place."

"Nah," he smirked at me, "you still owe me for letting you store all of your belongings in my apartment."

I rolled my eyes, "whatever."

"You seem sad, mon ami. Heartbroken already?"

I shrugged, "you're always right. I'll learn someday."

"No you won't. It is why I love you." He stood up and kissed my head before leaving the booth.

The rest of the day passed, I hid in the booth alone until my team arrived for their call. I snuck down to use the bathroom. Alex was in an empty hallway, on his phone again, crouched down, head in his hand.

"I can't, I can't. I'm sorry. I know you do… I'm sorry, babe. Can abuela help you? I gotta go. I love you."

I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet, thinking.  _Abuela? Grandmother?_  It didn't make sense, but it didn't matter. His complicated life was his problem, just like Lafayette told me. I didn't want any part of it.  _Only, I did._  I grumbled and left the bathroom, splashing water on my face after I washed my hands. Alex, of course stood at the sink next to me.

"Hey, John." He smiled sadly in the mirror at me, this smile wasn't as beautiful, it didn't touch his eyes.

"Alex." I dropped our eye contact and tore paper towels, quickly wiping my hands.

"You gonna be up on the rig again?" He smirked, this did reach his eyes.

_What's it to you?_ I wanted to be grumpy with him, but that smirk, "I dunno."

He nodded, tearing at a scab on his lip with his teeth, "okay, just wanted to know where I should look for you."

I smiled emptily at him, he was one of  _those_  guys, got in a spat with his boyfriend, or, I guess, girlfriend - I didn't have facts either way - and then flirt with me. Lafayette was so right. I went back up to the booth to watch the show, everything went fine.

Afterwards I patched the cords and got things shut down for the night, checking fuses. He leaned against the wall opposite me, looking more tired. Looking more enchanting. I couldn't look at him too long, it made my heart feel like fireworks were going off in my rib cage, but not like in a romantic way, in more a fiery explosion of pain way.

"I didn't see you tonight." He pulled a multitool from his pocket and cleaned his fingernails.

"I was in the booth."

"Did something go wrong?"

"No."

"Oh, that's good. You okay?"

"Fine."

"You just seem, I dunno, pissy."

"Why are you worried about me?"

"I guess because you're cute. Because you're nice." He pocketed the multitool.

I laughed dryly, "I'm cute, of course. Dude, I heard you on the phone earlier, I'm not trying to be your side piece."

"Side piece?" He laughed, "no, it's nothing like that. Wait, did Thomas say something? Asshole keeps trying to ruin my shit. I should have known better."

"Thomas?"  _Lafayette's cousin, Thomas?_ Is that how Laf knew so much about this guy?

"Yeah, we dated for like eight months, he couldn't hang, most guys can't, I know it's a lot to ask. He keeps saying shit to people. We're over, completely. I mean, I kind of hate myself for even dating him, I keep shitting where I eat, but I work eighteen hour days, don't exactly have time to hit the clubs. Fuck, though, I see that asshole everyday. I mean, God, what did I see in him? But, no, I'm single as fuck."

"Oh, I just thought… on the phone it sounded like…"

"Nope." He grinned at me, and the blood drained from my face, there was that thrill again. I wanted to chase it.

I closed the cover on the fusebox and spun around on my heel. I kissed him, you know, like an impulsive idiot. He leaned into it, though, moaning low, hands snaking my waist, his goatee prickled my face. He tasted like coffee and cigarettes. I wanted to kiss him forever. He broke the kiss first, chuckling. I grinned back.

"I like you." He laughed, still breathless.

"Yeah," I grinned, my cheeks hurting.

He looked at his watch, "fuck, I'm sorry, I really have to go."

"Have a good night!" I called after him.

Once the theatre was empty I shut off all the lights and put myself to bed wearing a shit eating grin. I licked my lips, tasting the ghost of his. My futon felt especially lonely tonight.

In the morning I realized I overslept and hurried to get myself ready for the day, to try and keep my secrets. I skipped a shower and hurried out to the wings. Lafayette was talking to Hercules, flirting with him as usual. I saw Thomas, headset on, grumbling to himself. I couldn't believe that he and Lafayette were even from the same family, they were different in everything but looks. Thomas was just shorter than Laf, but they could have passed for twins.

"Oh, please, stage left was fine last night, I'm sorry that you're still trying to pass off your problems." Every time that Thomas opened his mouth, something pompous oozed out.

It was only a testament to Lafayette's generosity that Thomas even had a job here, although the same could be said of me. I walked through the wings to the other side of the stage and saw Alex, grumbling into his own headset.

"Nope, fuck  _you!_ " He clicked the button and the red light went out, he pulled the headset around his neck.

I looked at him, planning my next move. He looked worse off today, his nose red, hair barely tucked into a bun.

"You okay?" I asked him.

"Peachy," his voice was nasally, he drank his coffee.

"You look like Hell."

"I always get sick the first week of a show. It's like I make it through Hell Week and then my body just quits on me."

"Do you need anything?" I wanted to comfort him.

"Nah, I'm good." His eyes went wide and then squeezed shut and he bent forward, his whole body shuddering once, twice, three times.

He stood back up and sniffed wiping teary eyes.

"Holy shit," I gasped, "were those sneezes?"

He nodded and sniffed again.

"That was the quietest sneeze I've ever seen."

"I'm a stage manager who gets sick every show. I have to be quiet. It's a skill."

"You're a wizard."

He shrugged, "wouldn't go that far. Hope I don't get you sick. Though, maybe sometime after the cooties I'll get to kiss you again. That was… damn." I noticed him eyeballing me, I felt the blush rise on my cheeks.

I motioned to the mic pack clipped to my waistband, "I'm on channel four if you end up needing anything. I don't have too much to do during shows."

"Thanks." He nodded and started flipping through the binder again, before giving the quietest cough I'd ever heard.

Another flawless show, Lafayette joined me in the booth at intermission.

"You just can't say no to trouble can you?"

I shook my head, "never could. Works out well for you, though."

He mocked offense.

I harnessed myself and climbed to watch act two from the truss in my hidden spot. I climbed down and found Alex after the show. His eyes were waterier, nose an angrier shade of red.

"You look like ass." I sighed, watching him pack props away.

"I know." His voice was hoarse.

"Get some sleep tonight."

"Let's hope." He smiled half heartedly.

"You okay to get home? Not too far?"

"Nah, thirty minute ride on the A." He wiped his nose on a tissue and quickly pocketed it again.

"Let me give you my number, text me when you get home safe?"  _Damn, that was smooth as hell._

"What? Really?" He unlocked his phone and handed it to me, I noticed his home screen, a cute little boy about seven or eight, long curly hair, smattering of freckles, front tooth missing, his nephew maybe, and I typed in my number, texting myself so I'd have his.

"Yeah, you really do look like shit, it would be a bummer to find a new stage manager this late in the game. I don't really wanna listen to Laf bitch about how your death inconvenienced him."

"Thomas would be thrilled, though."

"Screw that guy. He's an ass."

I followed him to the green room to get his things and walked with him to the stage door and sent him on his way into the cold night. I went to bed and watched a movie, interrupted by a text.

**Didn't die.**

I grinned and reminded myself to be cool.

**Better luck next time.**

**Lol. Maybe the sweet release of death will find me tonight. Currently looking up recipes for Lean.**

I giggled at his deprecating sense of humour.

**Good luck with that, see you tomorrow.**

I made myself go to sleep.

In the morning I made sure to get up early enough to go to the corner store and get a cold bottle of sprite. Back at the theatre he showed up, wearing sweatpants today, same hoodie. I presented him the bottle of sprite.

"Y'know, for your purple drank." I grinned.

He laughed heartily and coughed, "you're my saviour." He cracked the plastic safety seal and drank.

"I do what I can."

"My throat man, I can tolerate everything else, but my fucking throat."

I patted my pockets for my half eaten bag of Sour Patch Kids and offered them to him. He reached in and took one, sucking on it.

"The sour, like, helps somehow." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Keep 'em, I always have more." I wanted to kiss him, forget germs, I just wanted him to feel better.

"You're seriously a fucking angel. Are you real or is this all just a fever dream."

"I'm totally real," I smiled, "break a leg tonight." I walked off to get my team prepped, it was a two show day.

He missed a cue for his grip crew and I watched him react, hanging his head, fist balled. He really must have felt like shit, poor guy. Between shows the actors went to get something to eat. I found Alex in the green room, curled in a little ball.

I brought him a bottle of water from the dressing room. They were for the cast. Fuck the cast.

"Hey," I crouched beside him and offered the bottle of water when he lifted his head.

He wiped his eyes, he'd been sleeping in that little ball.

"Thank you," he rasped.

"You have an hour or so still. Wanna take a nap?"

He nodded and I led him to my room. He looked at all of my clothing folded in the corner. Empty takeout boxes on the mini fridge, hot plate in the corner, comforter on the futon.

"Do you…" he trailed off.

I smiled, feeling ashamed, "I live here."

I pulled the futon out and he curled up onto it. I covered him and sat on the floor, leaning against the futon. I clicked through Reddit. He fell asleep hard. Mouth open, snoring, I could hear the gunk in his chest rattling. I let him sleep until the first call for the night show.

"Hey, Alex?" I patted his shoulder through the blanket.

He startled awake, I watched him gain awareness of his surroundings.

"You're okay. You're okay. It's time to go to work."

He sat up and held his head in his hands, "okay, alright, yeah. Okay. Thank you for letting me stay here. Thank you, sorry."

"You're all good. You can just stay here tonight if you want. You always get here so early."

"No, no, I can't. I have to get home."

"Okay, yeah, no, you're good. Just know it's an option."

"Thanks, John."

He smoothed himself out and left the room. He had the upper hand. He knew my secret.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready to learn what Alex is hiding.

Over the next few days Alex got better, though being sick had barely slowed him down in the first place. His crew got more comfortable running the show and he had less to do during performances. We chatted between shows, small talk mostly, never anything of substance, he was always one of the first to arrive in the morning. I loved getting to talk to him, the rush never went away, it always went away, but not with him. With him, every conversation was like running headlong toward a cliff. My knees shook each time he opened his mouth, I loved watching him talk, how he'd get excited about something and his hands would gesture wildly, the faces he would make when impersonating people.

The first week of performances was finally behind us, I sat in the booth with my headset on, listening to Lafayette mutter to himself in French before I switched back to my empty channel, knowing someone would come on if there were any problems. I sat there for a while and sketched, there was static on the headset, someone tuning into my channel, I waited for directions, wondering what must have gone wrong.

"John?" Alex whispered, his voice staticy.

"That's me." I bit my lip to keep from smiling.

"Has anyone told you today that you have a great ass?"

"The best below fourteenth street. Is it true?"

"Goddamn, did you just quote RENT at me?"

"Might have."

"That's… You're… Damn…" he tuned back out of my channel.

The next night, another occurrence on my channel.

"You there?" He whispered.

"I'm here."

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Can I make out with you in the wings tonight after the show?"

"That would be preferable."

He found me hiding in the shadows after the final curtain and pushed me against the wall of the wing and kissed me hard, grinding our bodies together. I squeezed his ass, his baggy jeans making it a difficult task, but one that I took on with glee. He had to leave again, and didn't offer for me to join him, this was strange to me, I'd never been a part of a slow burn, most guys I'd been with would have been onto their next victim by now. He was different.

Alex came onto my channel again during the Friday night show, "I like your face. I like your face even more when you use it to smile at me. I like your lips best when they're on mine, though."

"Hi, Alex." I giggled at him.

"Hi, sweetheart."

_Sweetheart?_ My heart rose to my throat, he'd never used a pet name with me before, I liked it, my grin wide and involuntary, I was glad he couldn't see me.

"What's up?"

"Just thinking about you."

"Dude, just come up to the booth, then, there's no one else in here right now."

He started watching the show from my booth, giving his techies direction over the headset from the stool next to me. We shared Sour Patch Kids and kisses in equal measure. We'd make out for a little while in the wings or in my booth before he went home each night. Each time leaving me exhilarated and frustrated, wanting more of him. Wishing he could stay, wishing he'd invite me back to his place.

"I've got a bed here." I winked at him one night when he broke our kiss with a yawn that stretched his mouth and crinkled his eyes.

"Tempting…" He tucked a stray curl behind my ear, tipping my chin down to kiss me again, "but I gotta go."

I smiled and nodded, he never stayed. I wondered if he ever would, or if Lafayette was completely right. Maybe this was something that I shouldn't have gotten myself involved in. I smirked to myself, almost nothing that I did should I have gotten myself involved in, but here I was.

A two show day, between shows he left to get himself dinner and came back with a very full bag of takeout, he found me in the greenroom, still empty with the cast out to eat.

"Hungry?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

He tore the plastic bag open and handed me a styrofoam container, "no, dummy, brought you dinner."

"What?" I grinned at him.

He sat on the floor next to me, shoving half an eggroll in his mouth in one bite.

"Thank you." I smiled and ate an eggroll of my own.

"So, where'd you grow up?" He asked once he'd swallowed.

"Uh… South Carolina?" It wasn't a question, it was an answer, but it caught me off guard, most of our interactions were physical, silently making out behind the stage, quietly running fingertips up each other's thighs while listening to our own channels through headsets during shows. Head nods from opposite wings as we passed each other. It was silly how much I liked him with how little we talked about anything significant.

"Thought I heard something southern in your voice, it's sexy, though. New York's a little different, huh?"

I laughed, "yeah, lots different. What about you?"

"Moved here when I was a kid, I'm…" he rubbed his face, deep in thought, "Chile-Domini-Cu-Rican? But I always just say I'm from Queens. We moved from Puerto Rico when I was like five or six after my mom died so I don't really remember anything other than New York."

I nodded, this was the most I knew about him.

"I've never been out of the country."

"I haven't since I moved here, but it's all good, just gotta take a train and you're in a whole new place, we got Chinatown and little Italy and little India, Koreatown, little Dominican Republic where I live… because I'm a walking cliche."

"Washington Heights?"

"The very one. You know people up there?"

"Dated a guy once, y'all hide the good pernil up there," my mouth watered thinking about it, "I'm… vaguely Hispanic? Puerto Rican-ish, he wanted me to 'get in touch with my roots.'" I shrugged.

"Didn't work out, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, not so much. But y'know, at least I didn't date Thomas Jefferson." I nudged him playfully with my shoulder.

"Ugh, I should just go off myself." His cheeks burned red.

"Who would I bother after shows then?" I pouted at him.

"Fair, fair."

I giggled and wrinkled up my nose, "what did you even see in him in the first place?"

Alex grinned at me behind his rice filled fork and took a bite, saying around the food in his mouth, "the dude's hung."

I gaped at him and laughed into a bite of orange chicken, "Alex!"

"It's true. Probably why I stayed with him so long. He treated me like shit, but, damn the dude could fuck."

"You're a mess."

"I know. Sometimes you just get lonely, man."

"Yeah… I hear that."

"Why are you single, anyway?"

"Uh…" I thought about it, "because I live in a theatre and don't talk to anyone?"

"That works out well for me. I mean, if you weren't all 'Phantom of the Opera' I'd be screwed, you'd have dudes lining up for you."

"Shut up." I felt the heat in my face again.

"I'm serious," he was staring at me, "but I gotta know, how far do the freckles go?" he reached over and tugged at my collar.

I pulled away with a giggle, "nope, it's a secret."

"My God, you're totally covered in 'em, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded.

"Wait, so how does a theatre guy end up covered in freckles?"

I puffed out my chest and did my best impression of my dad, "'theatre is for women, Jackie. You'll play sports like a man!' My dad refused to believe that I was a gay, theatre nerd and forced me to play sports and it's hot in Charleston and so you spend a lot of time running shirtless and… so, yeah, I'm covered in freckles…"

He licked his lips, shook his head like he was clearing it "sorry, you lost me on, 'running shirtless,' is that a thing still? Where do I sign up to watch that happen?"

"It doesn't, I hated sports."

"Bummer... Jackie?"

"Or Jack, yeah, it's a nickname from when I was a kid."

"Do I get to call you that?"

I shrugged, "if you want to."

In tandem, our headsets squealed with a message from Lafayette tuning into the master channel to call for everyone on stage. More shows passed, summer was in full effect. I loved summer. It was the part of home I missed, hot days on the beach. I liked how much less humid it was in New York, my hair did, too. Alex grumbled about the heat, still wearing all black and long sleeves every day to be as concealed on stage as possible.

It was Sunday, I loved Sundays, just a matinee, then the rest of the evening free to relax or sketch or do whatever. Alex looked tired, more so than usual, he leaned against me while we kissed, arms holding himself up, clinging around my neck.

"You want to come kick it for a bit after the show?" I asked him during the finale.

"For just a little while, then I gotta go home."

"Yeah, of course. I get it if you're busy." I tried to hide my excitement. He always said it was too late after shows, but the matinee gave him plenty of time to get home.

We wrapped the show and he worked with Lafayette to give performance notes to improve for the next show. I gave new instructions to my crew, acknowledging the mistake that kept being made during the second act. I led Alex back through the theatre to my room once everyone else was gone or too busy to notice. My futon was still pulled out from last night. He flopped on it and groaned.

"You okay?" I giggled at him.

"Just fucking beat."

"Same." I took off my shoes and sat next to him.

He kicked his shoes off as well and sat up on my bed. We were right next to each other, we'd never done this before, never gone back to my space since the day he was so sick. He kissed me and then pulled back, tugging his hair out of his bun. It was rare for him to wear it down, but I loved it each time he did, how it framed his face and hung around his shoulders.

"You look beat, darlin'." I stroked his shoulder. I'd decided to start using pet names, too, especially when I could pull out the twang that stuck around in my voice. He didn't seem to mind the names.

"Oh, yeah. I'm exhausted." He used a hand to press me flat against the futon, kissing me the whole way down.

We made out, hot and heavy like that, him on top of me, his body so close to mine, hands working through my hair. I closed my eyes and let the sensations take precedence. How his kisses felt, soft and warm, gentle but forceful, the prickle of his goatee on my face. My own hardness wanton between my legs. I wanted him, wanted everything, wanted to kiss him forever. He seemed happy to oblige with the last part.

Eventually he rolled off of me and we kissed lazily side by side under the blanket. Spoke a few sentences to each other, another peck, talked a little more, another. He fit so perfectly in the crook of my arm. My free hand found his hip and I stroked it, tracing circles with my fingertips. His eyes fluttered shut and I watched him for a few minutes, how pleasing his face was relaxed with sleep, the stress and worry that creased his face ironed out, just how long his eyelashes were. His hair tangled around his face, hoodie seeming to dwarf him in his sleep. I fell asleep next to him. He was so warm, occupying all my senses, his coffee and cigarettes smell, his slow, even breathing, his body in my arms.

I was stunned awake by the ringing of an unfamiliar phone, Alex rolled in my arms and picked his phone up off the floor. I was clearly no longer his priority even as our legs were still tangled together, he let out a string of curses as he answered, still in my arms. He was close enough that I could hear the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Daddy? When are you coming home? I thought today was an early day, right?"  _Daddy?_ The voice was so small.

Alex sighed, "yes, baby, I'm sorry, okay. I'm headed home now, I got caught up with some stuff at work. I'll see you soon. I love you."

"Okay, you promise you're coming home?" The little voice in the phone asked.

"Swear."

"Okay, I love you, too, daddy."

Alex groaned and hung up. I tried to keep my face smooth and unsurprised.

"So, I have a kid." He sat up and started to put his shoes on.

_He has a kid? He has a kid. Okay. A kid, kids are cool._

I hung my arms around his neck and rested my cheek against his shoulder, "what's his name?"

"Philip." He tied his hair back up into its messy bun.

"Can I see a picture?"

He illuminated his phone and handed it to me, the lock screen photo I'd seen the other day. I smiled at the picture, looking at his bright hazel eyes, the freckles across the bridge of his nose.

"He's so cute, Alex. He's like the most adorable human in the world." I gushed at the picture.

"Thanks," Alex smiled, his lips tucking up into one side of his mouth, "I have to get home."

"I'll see you tomorrow. I liked our nap."

He left and I curled back up on the futon, it still smelled like him. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. So what if he had a kid. That wasn't that big of a deal. Especially not with that cute of a kid. I liked kids, came from a big family, I wasn't sure why he thought it was such a big deal. Lots of people had kids! Someday, I hoped I would. He had nothing to be ashamed of. I hoped he'd listen to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the kudos and comments. I appreciate every single one!


	4. Chapter 4

He didn't watch the show in my booth. I figured he was busy, actually trying to do his job, but it was a shame, since I couldn't get his nose just right in the sketch of him I'd been working on. I folded my sketchbook closed and tucked it away, deciding to work on it more the next time he sat beside me for a show. I helped run lights, even though my team had it down to a science. Lafayette seemed pleased, things were only getting smoother, everyone falling into routine with it.

I wrapped an extension cord from my wrist to my elbow after the show, standing on the empty stage. Alex came onstage to pull a scenery wagon that needed to be repaired for the next show. I winked at him and he half-smiled back, not one of the disarming smiles, not one that reached his eyes. I shrugged it off, it had been a long show, he must have gotten stuck actually working during it, maybe he'd just had a long day. I went back to the lighting closet and hung the electrical cord where it belonged.

It was easy to find him, sitting on the broken scenery wagon, binder in hand, foot tapping on the plywood where it dangled, I rested my forearms next to him and sat my chin on them.

"Heya, darlin'." I smiled up at him.

"Hi, John." He nodded, still looking through his binder.

I moved in front of him and kneaded at his calf muscles with my hands.

He smiled faintly, his face split in two with worry on his brow and a smile taunting his lips.  _I wanted to fix whatever was worrying him._

"You alright?"

"I'm fine." He hopped down from the wagon and grabbed his binder.

I held my hand out to him and he took it, letting me kiss him, just a quick peck on his lips.

"I gotta get home," he pressed his mouth into a tight smile, I could have sworn, even in the dim lights that there were tears in his eyes.

"Okay." I squeezed his hand and we went our separate ways.

Everything last night had been great, fine, wonderful. He'd napped beside me in my bed, let me hold him and kiss him. Tonight, though? Tonight he was aloof and so sad. Fuck it, I wasn't one to turn down something scary, to play with fire.

**You sure you're alright? You seemed off.**

**Yup.**

_Well that didn't work._

_Dammit._

I struggled to fall asleep, watching most of a season of television on netflix before finally giving it up.

Alex was there in the morning, off in the scene shop, orchestrating repairs with the carpenters, drinking a giant coffee. He was too busy for me to pester, I tried to work on my sketch of him, leaving his nose rough and unfinished. None of it looked right, I couldn't bring him to life.  _Just talk to me._ Another night of him somewhere else in the theatre. After the show I tried again, presenting him with a single Sour Patch Kid.

"I'm good, thanks." He refused my peace offering and took the battery pack out of his headset so it could be charged overnight.

I ate the candy, the sourness puckering my cheeks, "you headed to the sound booth to put that away? I need to put mine up, too. I'll join you."

I put a bounce in my step and followed him. I looked over my shoulder at him and caught him watching me, his eyes looked so haunted, he looked away when our eyes met. We handed our headsets to the sound tech and I continued to follow him to the greenroom where he collected his things.

"Alex? Can't we talk?"

"John, I have to go home." His lips pressed into a thin line, nostrils flaring, his face turning red, he turned quickly on his heel, I was sure I heard him sniffle.

I hurried through the theatre and slammed my door hard behind me, wishing that all of the walls weren't concrete so that I could have something decent to punch without ending my career. I didn't even know what I'd done wrong! I kicked my mini fridge, listening to the beer bottles inside it rattle together. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hold him or have him hold me, tell me it was okay. I wanted to cry. The last option seemed most viable so I cried in the dark under the blankets, not even bothering to pull my futon out into a bed.

Lafayette found me in the morning while I was tying my wet hair up in the bathroom after my shower, "bad news."

"What?" I grumbled, my bad news threshold was too full as it was.

"Overhead B." He sighed.

"Dammit, again? I just fixed it. Tell Washington we need a new housing, he wouldn't listen to me. I'll go fix it."

I harnessed myself and got my toolbelt, making sure that the wrench was on a safety chain so I didn't have a repeat performance of meeting Alex. If only I'd never met him at all. I climbed the ladder. Never let him take up space in my head. I crossed the catwalk. Take up space in my heart. I clipped my tether to the truss. I made it to the broken light and rigged it in place with clips and zip ties before fixing where the wiring had come loose.

"Ready on B." I called over the walkie talkie I'd stuck in my pocket.

It came on, the heat it emitted felt good on my skin.

I made my way back to the ground and put the ladder away. Lafayette thanked me and looked at me for a long minute, "what's happened?"

"Nothing, I'm okay. It was never anything to begin with."

"Alexander?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"I am sorry John. Like I said…"

"I know, I know, and you were right."

"I'm sorry, friend."

"It's whatever, y'know." I shrugged and bit at my thumbnail.

I saw Alex out across the stage, he was staring at me again. I crossed behind the stage and found him, busied with his face in his phone giving directions on a crew group chat. I stood there in front of him and looped my thumbs through my harness, rocking back and forth on my feet. He looked up at me and frowned, waiting for me to speak.

"Can you just tell me what I did so that I can move on? 'Cause, I thought things were going really good between us, but I guess I was wrong, and I just wanna know so I don't fuck up like this again."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just… This isn't a good time for me."

"What? What do you…"

"My boy's my whole world. It isn't fair to put that on you, it isn't fair to him to have an absentee father, it isn't fair to me to fall for you. So it sucks, and it hurts, and you're gorgeous, but let's just save ourselves the heartache. It isn't worth it. I just, I got caught up on you for a minute. I told myself I wouldn't, but I did, because I look at you and I forget how to breathe, but I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this to him. I can't." He spoke so quickly, I was certain that I'd missed some of the words.

"Alex, it's okay… Don't worry about what's fair to me, let me worry about that, darlin'."

He whispered like he didn't trust himself to talk, eyes flicking down, "but my boy."

"I bet he's wonderful." I smiled at him.

"Look, I… I don't want him to be jerked around, he met Thomas and, honestly, that's why we were together for so long. I didn't want Philip to grow up meeting a new person every week and, Jesus, we've been broken up for months and Philip still asks when he's going to see him again. It's not fair to him."

"Alex, all of that's okay. I don't have to meet him, I'm not asking you to marry me. Just talk to me, look at me. Sit beside me. Maybe let me kiss you." I pulled the strings of his hoodie until they were even.

"I've never been good at balance. I kind of do everything all or nothing." He threw his hands up.

"Then it sounds like I'll be good practice."

"I really don't think this is fair to you." His brows knit themselves together and he looked away again.

I took his hands, squeezing them, feeling the tendons below the surface, "then it's a good thing that's not your call."

He smiled up at me and kissed me for real for the first time in days.

"I missed your mouth." he smiled, this one reached his eyes and my breath caught, blood flooded to my groin, my harness constricting the fabric of my pants, leaving me worked up and uncomfortable. I watched him lick his lips, smiling, tasting me on him. I wondered what I tasted like.

"Will you come watch the show with me?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

We sat in the booth and I worked on the sketch of him, not letting him see it, I fixed my mistake on his nose and kept working on it, actually able to bring him to life. He was affectionate, hand on my knee, telling me about something stupid one of the interns had done earlier. His fingers drummed on my kneecap as he got more animated in telling me the story.

We sat in silence, my pencil skritching against the page the only sound in the little booth.

"Fuck." He gasped, leaning forward, he dropped my legs back onto the ground off his lap.

In tandem, I had Lafayette in my ear, "merde."

One of my techies was in my ear, "uh… Laurens?"

I looked down at the stage, Overhead B had slipped and the beam was strobing and hung straight down like a lightning flash effect. I burst out of the booth and climbed down the stairs to the wings running as quickly and quietly as my body would take me. My heart raced, I could hear the blood rushing in my ears.

"Cut OHB, cut B, goddammit!" I hissed into my headset.

My crew turned it off, the stage noticeably darker, right in the center, downstage. Noticeable. I couldn't get the ladder, not during the show, there was no way to be quiet and out of sight enough. Alex had followed me and stood uselessly behind me, unsure of what to do. I stood in the wing and buckled my toolbelt on before checking my harness straps, quickly strategizing.

There was a rope to the catwalk in the wings, I'd tied it there my first week once I'd learned about the spot on the truss that I could watch the goings on of the theatre from in hiding. I jumped as high as I could to mount the rope, climbing it with all the speed and agility I had in my body.

The show was going on, I watched my crew miss a cue and hissed into the headset, "c'mon, guys, don't let this rattle you, I've got it, don't fuck up over this. I'm fixing it." I tried to sound reassuring and cool and collected to my team.

I made it to the catwalk in the dark and whipped out my pen light, the tiniest amount of light coming off the end of it. I stuck it in my mouth and silently clipped myself to the truss.

"Make sure the power to OH B is off, I'm here. Don't let me get electrocuted, guys, I'm counting on you, here." I said around the flashlight and started to manipulate the wiring. It would hold, I moved the clamps and angled the lamp housing before I yanked on the shutter handle.

"John?" Lafayette was in my ear.

"We're patched. LX, listen, OHB is go, do  _not_  light it until..." I worked through the cues in my mind, "until LXQ, um… two hundred twenty-seven."

My assistant was in my ear, "you got it, boss." I sat there and waited for the cue.

The cue came and the lamp was on, functioning right, maybe now Washington would get us a new housing. I heard the static as the rest of the team emptied the emergency channel on the radio. I looked down, eyes adjusting, seeking in the darkness.

Alex was staring at me, squinting. I knew I was completely hidden, audio was behind me, I aimed my pen light at the ceiling and clicked it on and off three times. I saw his teeth glowing in the darkness.

He came on my channel, "that was amazing."

"Wanna join me up here? Got another harness down there." I offered in a whisper.

"Not a chance in hell." He chuckled softly.

I stayed up on the truss until intermission and let the rope from the catwalk slide through my hands and between my knees, coasting steadily down.

He pecked a quick kiss on my lips.

"Watching you climb that rope… I needed a minute." He smirked at me and put a hand on his chest.

"I aim to please." I bowed and unclipped my harness and tool belt, hanging them on their respective hooks.

"You're amazing."

"Nah, but I'm serious. You should come watch the show up there with me sometime. Best seat in the house."

He shook his head, "I think I'm good."

"Do something that scares you." I grinned.

"Why would I climb all the way up there and face certain death when I could just do you?"

"Ooh, well played. I still have that bed ready to go."

"And I still have my boy at home."

"And I'll still like you tomorrow," I pecked his lips, "and the next day. And the next day."

He yanked me by the wrist and tucked us in the curtain of one of the legs. He crashed his body into mine. Adrenaline still coursed through my veins, I wanted to be reckless.

"We have ten more minutes." I whispered.

"That's long enough to make out with you." He whispered back.

"Can you get here earlier in the mornings?"

"Probably like an hour."

"That's plenty." I returned to kissing him.

I gripped his hair and he ground against me, panting. His body moved, searching for friction. I leaned into him and my hands crawled across his body. He was moaning softly, I tugged at his lip with my teeth and he gasped, tongue flicking out to survey my mouth. It was my turn to moan. I wanted him. He reached between us and palmed at my crotch. I couldn't even bring myself to be embarrassed by how hard I was for him.

Our headsets brought us back to reality, "places in five!" Lafayette called.

We both pushed buttons on our headset to talk back, and in tandem groaned, "thank you, five."

Alex let out a breath and grinned, "Jesus Christ, did I miss your mouth." I watched him squirm and adjust his jeans.

"See, I told you, this is a good decision."

"Nothing's changed for me."

"Nothing needs to," I started to walk back out to get to my place and looked over my shoulder, taking in the fringe of hair that had fallen out of his bun, hanging loose around his face, proud of my handiwork, "your hair's a mess, by the way."

He blushed and worked quickly to re-tie it. I giggled and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and dropping kudos. Y'all know comments make my world go 'round!


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey." He smiled, looking awkward.

"Hi." I opened the door the rest of the way and let him in. He sat on the futon and I joined him.

"I still can't believe you fixed the light last night like that. You're incredible. You must be fearless." He sipped his coffee and I watched as his face grew more and more alert with each drink.

"There are a few things that scare me. It's kind of fun to be scared, though." I winked at him.

"I disagree. I try and stay as un-excited as possible."

"Where's the fun in that?" I smirked at him, "...so will it weird you out if I ask about him?"

"Huh? Um, I guess not. What do you want to know?"

"I dunno, nothing in particular, did he have a good morning?"

"He's worse at mornings than I am." Alex yawned, his body emphasizing the statement.

"Hey, when's your call?"

He checked his watch, "in about an hour."

"You want to take a nap?"

"Oh, fuck yes." He leaned against me.

"No, screw this. An hour is a real amount of time. Get up."

He stood and let me pull the futon out, I turned the lights off, submerging us in darkness. He cuddled against me under the blankets and I felt him rooting, seeking me out, I dropped my chin and kissed him, my hand cupping his jaw. His hands held me to him tightly.

When we broke our kiss I spoke, "why are you always so tired?"

"I get up at five every day."

"Five? Jesus, Alex, we don't even get done here until one most nights."

"Yup."

"Five?"

"Yeah, I have to make Philip's lunch and we like to watch cartoons together, but I'm gone at night, so we do it in the morning while we eat breakfast. Like I said, he takes forever to wake up and get moving in the morning, so I have to get things rolling at about five."

"You watch cartoons together every morning?" I could feel my heart oozing in my chest cavity.

"Just about." He stroked my hip in time with his breathing.

"That's really stupid cute, but, wait, didn't you say you're like thirty minutes away?"

"Yeah."

"So that puts you home at like one thirty! And then you have to get ready for bed! You only sleep like three hours a night."

He nodded against my chest, "if I'm lucky."

I decided to be quiet and let him nap. The hour that we had equaling almost a third of his usual night's sleep. I fell asleep, too.

His alarm startled me, not used to the sounds that his phone made. I noticed that every time he woke up it was in a panic. I rubbed his back to soothe him while he quieted his alarm.

"That was amazing." He stretched while I turned the light on, I could see how refreshed he looked.

"I'm always here," I smiled, "we can do this every morning."

We got our day started. I followed him outside for a cigarette, stealing a few drags off of his. I hadn't smoked since high school and the smoke made me cough, but it soothed me at the same time. It was a pretty day out, the chill of spring had given way to a hot New York summer. Alex, in his all blacks, grumbled about the heat. He was cute when his face scrunched up with annoyance. I filed away the mental note to annoy him sometime just to see his Billy Idol sneer.

We parted way after the smoke break, he met with the crew to make sure that everything was ready for the show and I tested each of the lights. He met me up in my booth for the show that evening. I held out my bag of Sour Patch kids and he looked in the bag, searching for the right one and he pulled out a green candy.

"Ew, you meant to get a green one?" I turned up my nose.

He smirked at me and chewed, "I know you hate them."

"They're gross, they taste like breathing in cleaning chemicals."

He nodded, "that's actually a really good way of putting it."

I laughed, "you can have a better one, I mean, I'll fight you over a blue one, but for god's sakes don't intentionally eat a green one."

He pulled out a yellow one and ate it.

"Those aren't much better." I wrinkled my nose at him.

"I know you think that. I've watched you put the yellow and green ones back in the bag."

I felt myself blush and looked away, pulling out a blue candy and sucking the sour coating off before eating it, "you don't have to eat the shitty ones."

He hesitated, "when… uh, when you're a dad, you get used to eating the shitty stuff, it's more important for him to have the good stuff - well, and I mean he just won't eat it otherwise - wanna give you the good stuff, too. But, hell, what all do I get… oh! Okay, the weird green things in Runts, purple skittles. Um… what else… the green popsicle in a tube things," I watched the smile grow on his face as he thought about it, "oh, bananas and cream oatmeal in the multipack things… maple syrup granola bars, all of the almonds in trail mix. Pretzels in Chex Mix."

I'm sure I was making a stupid face as I watched him in awe, "you're a good dad."

"I just try and make my kid happy, y'know? Give him the best of everything, even if it's just like fucking popsicles and oatmeal, it still counts… Er, I hope it does."

I nodded, I didn't really get it, but I wanted to.

After the show, he kissed me goodnight.

"Get some sleep!" I called after him.

The next day was a two show day. Between shows, I snuck out to the corner store and got a new bag of Sour Patch Kids. I hurried back to my room and carefully opened the bag, spilling them all out onto an old pizza box. I picked through and separated out the yellow and green candies, throwing them away, I put the rest of the candy back in the bag and taped it shut with a piece of gaff tape with a note that said simply:

_Sometimes you deserve the good stuff, too._

I crept to stage right and found where he hung his hoodie when he got too warm and stuck the treats in the pocket.

I had to sit through the whole second show with my secret, wanting it to be a surprise. We chatted about the summer, he complained that it made working even harder with his son out of school. I could tell he felt the divide, wanting to work hard, loving what he did, but also wanting to be a good dad. I thought back to our conversation about being bad with balance and felt more grateful to him for letting me have any place in his life. I went to bed with a smile on my face waiting to hear if he liked his present.

The next morning he knocked on my door and I let him in. He kicked off his shoes and we settled in for our nap. Alex curled up to me, head resting in the crook of my arm, I wrapped my free arm around his waist and tucked my head against his neck. he was setting the alarm on his phone and I saw him grin in the light of the screen.

"I forgot to show you…" he switched to the camera roll and showed me a selfie of him and his little boy curled up on a loveseat under a blanket in low light, him holding a red Sour Patch Kid up toward the camera, cheesy grin on his face, his son with a blue one,  _even still he gave the best ones away._

He swiped through the pictures, there were silly ones, his son poking a piece of candy in the spot where a tooth had fallen out. Alex pretending a red one was his tongue and pulling a face at his boy. His son feeding him a blue one and them both laughing.

"Usually, I don't give my seven year old candy before seven a.m., but he was standing right there when I found them in my pocket while I got all of our shit together for the day so I made an exception while we watched Duck Tales. Thank you, sweetheart. That was really thoughtful."

"No problem. Philip is really cute." I kissed his cheek and we napped together.

Alex actually had work to do during the show, one of his grips hadn't shown up. Instead it was Lafayette who joined me in the booth for the show.

"How are things?" He freed his hair from the ponytail where it puffed at the top of his head and massaged his scalp before tying it back up.

"Good."

"You and Alexander made up?"

I frowned and nodded, "how do you know everything?"

"Well, this I knew because Hercules told me, but I am the eyes and the ears of this theatre."

I rolled my eyes and let my head drop back, "how did he know?"

"You know... people seem to think that just because he is pinning them into a costume that his ears stop working, people talk a lot during fittings. He pays attention, mon charmant espion." Lafayette's mouth spread into a grin.

"I don't know what you just said, and I'm not sure I want to." I stuck out my tongue.

"'My lovely spy.' Can you hook me up with some candy?"

"Can you quit spying on my love life?"

"Not while your love life happens in my theatre." He held out his hand expectantly.

I produced the half empty bag of candy and he pulled a green one and put it back exchanging it for an orange, "the green ones are disgusting."

He slipped out of the booth. I watched Alex, working hard to be unseen, I didn't care what the actors were doing, just him, wheeling out scenery, movements light, the audience would never realize he was there. The platform that was supposed to become a staircase didn't rotate, my team missed their cue, everything was off.

I tuned in to the LX channel, "stay with it, guys, I'm not sure what's up, do your job, let running and grips do theirs, everything falls apart without you."

"But, Laurens…" one of my interns argued.

"No, buts, do your job."

I tuned to Alex's frequency, "what's happening down there, sugar?"

"Fucking Thomas missed GQ and I didn't have enough manpower. This  _will_ not be my responsibility."

I grumbled under my breath, hating how frustrated Alex sounded. I knew that he was a perfectionist and that this would burn him up for the next week. Lafayette was back in my booth, it was one of the best vantage points to see everything that was happening. He leaned forward, looking through the window, his hands going white from gripping the desk.

"Putain merde fait chier!" He seethed, watching Thomas struggle to peg the set, "fils de pute!"

"It's okay, Laf. It's okay, I'm sure it's nowhere near as noticeable to anyone else."

"I'm going to kill him." Lafayette growled.

I had no response, cracked a smile even, wanting Thomas to get just a touch of what was coming to him. After the show, Lafayette calmly set his headset on my desk, smoothed his clothing and walked down the stairs from my booth, I could see Thomas laughing with one of the grips, I watched Lafayette scream at him.

"John, John, are you on?" Alex was chuckling as he tuned in to my channel.

"Yup."

"Dude, I hope you can hear this, turn your headset up."

I turned it up as loud as possible and listened to Lafayette tearing into Thomas, Alex's breathing and occasional giggle distracted me, "how dare you blame Alexander! Everything on stage right that went wrong was directly caused by your incompetence. Tu es incompétent! Quel idiot quand même! This show is un système biologique, connectique, it runs because we all do our jobs. Tu as manqué à tes devoirs envers moi! Tu as manqué à tes devoirs envers ce spectacle!"

"God, I wish I knew what he was saying."

"Uh…" Alex listened, I could hear him swallowing and would have put down money that I didn't have that it was coffee, he was whispering into the headset, "he called him incompetent again, called him an idiot, the show's an interconnected biological system that runs because we all do our jobs. He said, 'you've failed in your duties to me. To the show.'"

He was sniggering quietly and I guffawed in the privacy of my booth.

"You know this is going to continue for a while, right?" I thought about the other people that had been on the receiving end of Lafayette's anger, few of them stuck around much longer.

"God, I hope it does. I have to get home, but this is a treat."

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, bye sweetheart, over and out."

"You're such a dork!" I giggled, but the static cut out and I knew he was gone. I could no longer hear what Lafayette was saying.

I did my duties for the night and went back to my room, opening a bottle of beer from the mini fridge. I texted Alex.

**So you speak French.**

**Oui. Tu trouves ça sexy, n'est-ce pas?**

**I know sexy… but you lost me on all the rest.**

**I asked if you think it's sexy.**

**Everything you do is sexy.**

My phone rang with a FaceTime call from him, I fumbled to answer, feeling nervous.

"Hey." I crooked a smile, hating seeing myself in the corner of the screen.

"Hi." He gave a little wave, the lag making his hand a blur.

I could hear the city from where he was.

"What's up?"

"I just wanted to see your pretty face before I went to sleep. I didn't get to kiss you goodnight."

"I know, major bummer, right?" I took a drink of my beer.

"Ooh, are you partying over there?"

I giggled, "oh, yeah, getting turnt up on Sam Adams. Shouldn't you be sleeping? Doesn't five a.m. come really early?"

"I know, I know. Just wanted to see you, besides this cute Phantom of the Opera guy lets me nap with him every morning so I'll be fine."

"You should refer to me exclusively as the angel of music." I smirked.

"Oh, I should, huh?"

"Yeah, and then we can make some music of the night."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, lighting a cigarette, he blew smoke out the window, that's why I could hear the city, it made sense now, "you're ridiculous. Hey, if I stopped and got coffee and wanted to bring you something tomorrow what would it be?"

I watched myself blush on the thumbnail of me in the corner of the screen, "hot chocolate? Ooh! No, wait, and Italian soda, hazelnut!"

"You poof." He chuckled at my choice.

"Dude, I'm literally drinking a beer right now. We can't all mainline black coffee and Red Bull." I finished my beer.

"Mainlining it would be so much simpler. Keep your shitty beer, I'll take my coffee and Red Bull with tequila… maybe rum. Depends."

"Go to bed, will you, dork?"

"I know, I know. I'm glad I got to talk to you."

"Me, too. Oh, and hey, Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Do me a favour?"

"Of course, what's up?"

"Think of me fondly… when we've said goodbye?"

"Oh, my God. Good night, Jack."

"Good night!" I hung up quickly so that he wouldn't hear my squeal.

_Jack… He called me Jack._ I never cared about the nickname, never even liked it that much, but when he said it, I was sure that a part of me died of heart failure. I felt my heart speed up and squealed again as my cheeks started to hurt from grinning. I left the futon up, rolling up against the back, it felt less like sleeping alone that way.


	6. Chapter 6

"How do you order these with any dignity?" Alex handed me my Italian soda.

"I don't, I get a cute boy to do it for me." I grinned at him and was met with a roll of his eyes.

"Nap?" He set his coffee on my mini fridge while I pulled the futon out.

He turned off the lights and curled up in my arms, finding his place under my chin.

"Can I have a kiss?" I lifted my head and searched for him in the darkness.

He met my lips and kissed me. A peck turned into something harder, his mouth searching mine. I lost my breath and panted into him, unable to keep my hips from bucking into him. He let out a breathy giggle and took a palmful of my ass, I groaned at his touch and he took the opportunity to kiss along my jaw. His fingers found the hem of my shirt and his cold hands traced up over my skin, kneading the flesh of my chest, palm grazing my nipple sending a chill through me.

I mirrored his motions, feeling the soft swell of his belly, the muscles tight underneath; his chest, a little patch of hair in the middle trailing toward his stomach. I pulled my shirt off and listened to the swish of fabric hitting the linoleum floor as he did the same. He was warm against me, both of us hidden together in the tangle of blankets. I went back to kissing him, hand finding his flank, pulling him tighter against me.

Our kisses slowed to a stop and he rolled over to let me spoon him, I stamped little kisses across his shoulders and let his hair down just to twist it around my fingers. He sighed and reached back to hold onto my hip. We fell asleep like that, my hand still in his hair.

His alarm woke us and reality crept in. I whined as he pulled away, the theatre's air conditioning making the lack of his warmth that much more jarring. He turned on the lights and for the first time I saw him shirtless. His hair dangling around his shoulders, tanned skin, a tattoo just under his left collarbone that said in a messy scrawl, 'I love you DADDY!' with 'Philip' in a looping script underneath it over his heart. I smirked, taking him in.

"Dad bod on point." He chuckled pulling his shirt and hoodie back on.

"You're perfect. Cute tattoo, wouldn't think you'd have one, scaredy-cat."

He smiled sadly, "I'm… I'm gone a lot, like to keep a piece of him with me, it's his handwriting, I mean, his name obviously isn't, but the 'I love you, daddy,' was the first note he ever wrote me when he learned how to write," through his sweatshirt he caressed the spot where the tattoo sat on his chest.

I pulled back the blankets and got up as well, he eyes hooded with lust and his bit his lip. I felt heat creep across my face as he stared at me wolfishly.

"What?" I tucked a curl behind my ear.

"The freckles do go all the way. Holy shit."

"Told ya, years of being out under the South Carolinian sun. I probably have skin cancer, but, y'know, is what it is."

"You are beautiful. You're stunning, Jack."

I couldn't keep my composure, my heart swelling a lump in my throat, my lips betraying me with a grin. I pulled my shirt off the floor and got dressed, "nah, I'm just me."

"You sure you don't run shirtless anymore?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't mind being active, that's part of why I like LX so much, keeps me spry, I'll jump off a boat and swim, or cream you in a game of pick up basketball, but running just to run? No, not anymore." I shuddered at the memories, thinking about the punishments for not running far enough, hearing long forgotten words echoing in my head, hoping he didn't see my physical response.

We went to work, he was still down in the wings, helping his team in the absence of his crew member. Lafayette came up to my booth for the show.

"You sure tore into Thomas last night." I told him.

"I did," he agreed, "his behaviour was unacceptable and I won't have it in my theatre, in my production."

"You're brutal, you know that?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I acted as the situation required of me. Thomas refuses to take responsibility for anything, he always has, and I am sick of it. Heaven forbid that he were ever responsible for his own actions. Things went wrong in the GQ rotation last night, he tried to blame Alexander, you saw it just as well as I did, Stage Right was ready, it was Stage Left that was unable to get their shit together for the transition, that's on Thomas. Exclusively. He's bitter that he's the ASM, thinks that just because of our familial tie he is more deserving of the outright title of Stage Manager. I told him that his puny college productions don't warrant the same level of recognition as Alexander's experience. Alexander lives and breathes theatre, he's the only choice for the stage manager. Thomas can get the hell over it. I brought Alexander on specifically because I was aware of his skill and his talent. Whatever happened between Alexander and Thomas is not my care, nor is it my problem, but if Thomas shows out like that again, we'll be searching for a new ASM." He folded his arms, still worked up about the bad show from the previous night.

"Damn, dude, you're scary." I stared at him.

He deflated like a balloon and he was all grins and twinkling eyes again, the Laf that could make anyone fall in love with him, "Hercules says the same thing. I don't see it."

"Shit is terrifying. Have I told you how pretty you look today?"

He rolled his eyes, and punched me lightly on the shoulder, "I know. I am pretty every day."

I giggled at him.

After the show Alex hurried home again, texting me a kissy face emoji. I longed for him as I fell asleep.

In the morning when Alex knocked at my door I could tell that something was bothering him. I sat next to him on the futon, leaving it upright, keeping the lights on, "what's on your mind, sugar?"

He let out a long, heavy sigh, "being a dad is hard," he dropped his head against my chest, "sure you want all of this?"

"Promise." I cupped his cheek and kissed the top of his head.

He sighed again, "I registered Philip for his first sleepaway camp. He's going to be gone a week and a half. He's fucking over the moon excited, I'm losing my shit. He's never been that far away for that long. Last fall he had a sleepover in the Bronx and he may as well have been in California."

I giggled, he was so sweet, so loving, "that's gotta be scary. I loved camp." I offered.

Alex picked his head up and looked at me, his features were sad, "yeah, he's gonna have a great time. I know he will. It's me. I'm a loser about this shit. That's my baby. An hour and a half away from me, like by car, not just, 'oh the MTA's down, take a different train,' but like an actual hundred miles away from me, and like outdoors where he could get impaled by a stick... thing, some awful... tetanus, er, campfires and he could... I… God, I'm gonna fucking throw up. Need a cigarette." He got up and made for the door, packing his cigarettes against his thigh.

I followed him out. And we both crouched against the building. I took a few drags off his cigarette while he rubbed his temples.

"When does he leave?"

"Monday. I'm so glad Sunday's are early days, I'm gonna take him out for ice cream, maybe go see a movie or something, get some good time together."

"You'll be fine, both of you."

"I know. I know. It's just a big milestone, he's not my baby anymore. It's just whack, man. Like, I don't know how he got this big. I want him to have fun, and it's not like I can take him on vacation so this is his best bet, I just…"

"You want to be with him." I finished.

"Yeah." He smiled peacefully, realizing that I understood what he was trying to say.

We didn't get to take a nap, spent too much time talking. The show went even better, Alex's team was fully staffed. The next few days went by in a rush, Alex didn't come for our early naps, with Philip out of summer school he wanted to spend more time with him. I came second. I liked coming second to Philip. Alex being a good father stirred something in me. Sometimes I forgot father's could be good and seeing it in this man, this perfect, sweet, beautiful man made me fall even harder for him.

Sunday came and Alex was antsy, his knees bouncing while he sat in my booth. I could tell how badly he wanted to go home, but I enjoyed the time of his that I was lucky enough to occupy, managing a few stolen kisses in the booth.

He'd pre-arranged with Lafayette and Washington that he would miss call, hopefully back from dropping his son off at camp in time to make places. I waited impatiently to see him, to comfort him. When he arrived, messenger bag at his side, his shoulders were slumped, he looked defeated. It was late, the show starting in less than an hour. I went to him.

"Everything go okay?" I asked him in the greenroom while he set his things down and changed into his all black shoes.

"Yup. Nine days." He let out a deep breath.

"You got this." I smiled, putting my knuckle under his chin to bring him close enough to kiss.

He smiled genuinely at my affection and seemed lighter, less weighed down from his heavy heart.

During the show he tuned to my frequency, "Mr. John Laurens?"

"Yes, Mr. Hamilton?" I bit my lip to keep from grinning.

"You wanna go get a drink after this?"

_Out? Go out? After a show. Spend time together. Go out._ "Yes! Yeah, I-I'd love to."

"Good, I'll come find you."

I spent the second act with my cheeks burning from the smile plastered on my face. I hurried to help strike the stage after the show and we left together, I followed him to the bar of his choosing, he found a small empty table, the Monday night crowd a sordid array of sad, middle aged bachelors and out of town businesspeople.

He slid into the booth and I stayed standing, "what's your poison?"

He thought for a minute, "tequila sunrise?"

I had to laugh.

"What?" He whined.

"So, you can pick on me for drinking Italian sodas but you drink tequila sunrises? Now who's the poof?"

He rolled his eyes at me and I sauntered off to the bar and got us drinks. I sat beside him rather than across from him and sipped my beer.

"Show went pretty well." He said, stirring his drink from gradient red and orange to a blushing shade of pink.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Thomas finally got his shit together."

"Oh, dude, Laf made sure of that."

"How do you know Lafayette?"

'I've been the electrician for a couple years and his last three productions have been there, so we got to know each other. He's a good dude. You?"

"Went to college together. He is a good guy. Really hooked me up with this job."

We kept drinking, the next few rounds on him.

"I'm super hungry." He grumbled.

"We can go get some food."

"Nah, I'm good, the kitchen here is closed, I'm pretty sure I have some kind of thing in the freezer," he laughed, "I'm pretty sure that seventy percent of my diet is frozen, shitty burritos."

"Yeah, it's been a minute since I had a good, home cooked meal." I agreed.

"I just don't have the time, really, to cook."

"I don't have the kitchen to." I sighed.

He nodded.

"I could make you dinner sometime. I mean, if you ever wanted to have me over, I could. I could make you dinner."

He nodded slowly, warming to the idea, "that we be nice. I'd like that."

The alcohol left us tipsy and we tabbed out before he walked me back to the theatre. I kissed him at the stage door.

"I'm gonna go. Had a lot of fun with you tonight." His face was flushed with drink, eyes only half open.

"You sure you don't want to come in?" I offered, unlocking the theatre to let myself in.

"I think we're both pretty drunk and when you do the things that I want you to do to me I want to remember it." He leaned against the brick wall to stay upright.

"You're freaking smooth even when you're drunk." I shook my head, giggling.

"Aye."

"Are you a pirate?" I leaned forward, losing my balance and steadying myself on him.

"No, I'm just a fucking idiot." He dropped his palm against his face, and ran it down his cheek.

"A cute idiot, though. Please be careful going home? Want me to walk you?"

"No, I'm fine. You're already home. That would be silly."

I sobered up enough to be wise, "Alex, I really don't mind. I just want you to be safe." I cupped his cheek and kissed him.

"I'll be fine, Jackie." He held my wrist, thumbing over the veins.

"Please text me when you get home?"

He nodded.

"Promise?"

He nodded again, "I also promise that you're beautiful."

I pecked a kiss on his lips, "good night, Alex."

I waited diligently for his text, he called me instead.

"I didn't die… didn't even get mugged." He slurred, sounding drunker as the alcohol had had time to make its way through his body.

"What a rip off! I've never been mugged either, where's this 'dangerous New York' that everyone back home warned me about?" I joked with him.

"Right! Biggie Smalls was a fucking liar." He spat playfully.

"Hey, lot of fun with you tonight."

"Yeah, me, too, John. I really like you."

"I really like you, too."

"Can you really come make me dinner?"

I giggled at this, "I mean, probably not, like, tonight…"

"No, no, no, I mean like in general some time? I really want you to make me dinner," he giggled.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Mmm," he grumbled, letting out a huff.

"What is it, sugar?"

"My bed's really lonely, my apartment is really lonely. I'm really lonely. My boy. My man. Just sad Alex in his cold bed."

I felt so sad for him, "hey, I offered, remember?"

"I know, but, I still wanna remember when we first... I dunno, I'm a sappy bitch like that."

I could hear him roll over and his voice muffled as he pressed his cheek against the phone.

"I like it. You should go to sleep. Maybe drink some water."

"Yeah, I don't have water. I have coffee."

"How do you have coffee but not water?" I laughed at him.

"'Cause I brought coffee to bed with me last night, I mean, it's cold now and shit, but water's in the other room, and if I get up I think I'll die." He sounded exasperated.

"Well, you and your cold coffee have fun, night darlin'."

"Goodnight, sweetheart… Beep."

I laughed again, "why did you say 'beep'?"

"Because I hung up, but I didn't… I can still hear you, but in my head, I hung up, but I'm too lazy to really hang up."

"Goodnight, Alex." I singsonged to him and actually hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the love on this story. Your comments and kudos really do mean the world to me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience on this one!

"Ready to go, sweetheart?" Alex raised up on the balls of his feet to kiss my cheek.

I bubbled with excitement and took his hand, "yup."  _our first real date._

"Okay, so, groceries first, I have nothing in my fridge. What are you making?"

"I was thinking chicken parmesan?"

"That sounds amazing!"

"Yeah?"

He nodded and held the door for me. We walked into the night and went to the train station below our feet, waiting hand in hand for the A train. We claimed an empty car and rode the nearly half hour journey.

"You really do this everyday?" I asked him, playing with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Yup."

"Wow," I shook my head, "makes my commute look like nothing."

He rolled his eyes. Once we got to our stop he directed me to a grocery store and we got the ingredients I'd need to make dinner. I enjoyed wandering through the store with him, carrying the basket in one hand and holding his hand with the other. I happily let him pay for the food, agreeing it was a fair trade since I was cooking.

"Nothing like starting dinner at midnight." He chuckled as we carried the bags down the street.

"What does time mean anyway?"

I looked around the neighbourhood he called home, the colourful storefronts were a stark contrast to our all black clothing, Puerto Rican and Dominican flags hung from balconies fluttering in the cool night breeze. He led me around a corner and unlocked a walk up apartment building.

"Now for the fun part," he mounted the stairs and we climbed, one flight, two flights, three flights, four flights, "still with me?"

I nodded, "holy Jesus, there's a lot of steps."

Five flights, six flights, down a hallway, around a corner. He fumbled with his keys, resting the bag of groceries on his hip. Finally, he was able to let us in.

"Alright, here we are, Casa de Hamilton," he quickly kicked action figures and toys out of the way, a plastic dinosaur roared at him, "sorry about the mess."

"Oh, yeah, how dare it look like a kid lives here?" I rolled my eyes at him.

Photos of Alex and Philip hung on the walls along with the little boy's artwork. I smiled, getting to see this intimate snapshot of what Alex's real life was like.

"Alright, shall we get dinner going?" He asked, guiding me to the kitchen.

"Sounds good."

"I'm just going to change first if you don't mind?"

"No, go for it." He disappeared into a different room and I looked at the different papers stuck up to the fridge, a birthday party invitation, more artwork, a photograph of the two of them at a carnival, coupons for pizza, a takeout menu.

He came back in a forest green baseball tee, heather gray sleeves, jogger sweatpants on. I'd never seen him in anything other than his all black tech clothes, my heart skipped a beat. He poured himself a cup of coffee and heated it in the microwave. I refused my own cup when he offered.

"Okay, chef, how can I help?" he looked at me expectantly.

I spent the next ten minutes asking him where everything was in the kitchen. He leaned against the refrigerator and talked to me while I cooked, helping me chop tomatoes and grate cheese. He got so close to me, hands brushing mine as he passed me the grated cheese. I grinned over at him.

"It's got to cook for a while." I smirked.

"Can I offer you a drink?"

"What do you have?"

"Coffee, water, rum, capri sun, juice boxes."

"Juice boxes?" I giggled.

"Hey," his voice was all business despite his crinkled, smiling eyes, "juice boxes are fucking dope."

"I'm good with water."

He pulled a plastic Paw Patrol cup down from a cabinet and filled it from the tap, handing it to me.

"Wanna come sit with me?"

I followed him to the living room and we sat on his sofa, he moved a stuffed dog and some early reader books out of the way. I sat next to him and he turned on the television, his Netflix queue filled with cartoons.

"Anything in particular?" He asked.

"Don't care."

He put on Criminal Minds.

"Sexy." I teased him.

He grinned wide at me, "they kill people in this show. Do you know what the last time I got to watch something where they killed people was? Like five years ago!"

I played with his hair while we watched the show, the apartment filled with the aroma of cooking food. I could hear his stomach growl.

"We can probably do salad and get the pasta going." I told him.

He got out a shallow pot and filled it with water for me.

By the time that food was done, we were both starving. I plated everything out for us and he carried it to the small card table in the corner where three chairs sat, I couldn't help but wonder how many times Thomas had sat in that third chair. Alex dug into the food and moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head. The sounds pulled me from my thoughts of Thomas. I watched him enjoy the food we made. It was so good to eat a real home cooked meal, in a kitchen, in an apartment, not cooked on a hot plate.

Alex savoured his dinner and sat contentedly, his tired eyes relaxed, a dopey smile on his face.

"You tired, sugar?"

He nodded and got up to clear our plates, he stacked them on the counter by the sink.

"Leave the dishes for tomorrow." He offered me his hand and I let him lead me to his bedroom, at the mention of tomorrow I realized that he intended for me to stay the night.

It was simple, small. A double bed against one wall, the window he'd blown smoke out while we FaceTimed, tiny desk with a laptop and several journals the corner opposite, a collection of coffee cups on his bedside table. I sat on his bed and he joined me. We lie down together and I took him into my arms, it felt different in a strange space, in a real bed, he let me hold him and I kissed him slowly, trying to push the awkwardness away. I leaned into the kiss.

"Thank you so much for dinner." he was curled against my chest, his arms folded up in front of him.

"Absolutely, thank you for having me."

He grinned up at me, "you really are beautiful."

I fought a smile and kissed him instead of saying something stupid. His kisses were so soft, like they were testing the waters, I pushed farther, parting our lips. He gasped and his hands moved from between us to search my body. I took a handful of his hair and anchored him closer to me. His hips ground toward me and I slipped my fingers from his hair and traced my way down his back.

It was nearly methodical, undressing each other, sitting up in his bed, he straddled me against the wall and looked down at me. My fingers ghosted over the tattoo on his chest, falling harder for his heart than I was for his body. He chuckled and bit his lip, running his hands through his hair.

"Sorry, can we just put on some music?"

"Of course," I tapped my fingers against his hip while he retrieved his phone and scrolled through it to find us something to listen to.

He put music on and set his phone on the side table next to the lamp that illuminated him beautifully in shades of gold.

"Arctic Monkeys, solid choice." I winked at him.

He blushed a little and ran his hands over my chest.

"You make me nervous." he chuckled breathily.

"Don't be nervous, darlin'," I brushed his hair off his shoulder and caressed down his arm.

He chuckled and kissed me, deeper, faster. I liked his initiative and met him where he was, as fast, as excited. He wrapped his arms around my neck. I tried to hold him reassuringly, smoothing my hands over his back. Alex pressed our bare chests together and I could feel his heart racing. I did make him nervous.

I slid down in his bed, him still on top of me. I was open, vulnerable, giving him the upper hand. His confidence grew, I felt him smile against me and I traced the waistband of his sweatpants, hinting at what I wanted but still giving him the opportunity to refuse. His hands were at the button of my jeans, pulling the strained fabric. My dick came free, the sudden relief of pressure making me moan. He tugged my jeans further down, taking my boxer briefs with them.

I pulled at his sweatpants, taking them over the swell of his ass and hooked my thumbs to take his boxers as well. We adjusted to discard our clothing properly and I felt a pang in my chest seeing him naked. The trail of hair that led from his navel, across his lower belly to a patch curling tightly around his dick.  _Perfect_. I tried not to stare at him, to not make him more nervous.

His eyes followed the lines of my body, my dick twitching under his gaze.

I lapped at his chest with my tongue, nipping just hard enough to bruise. He threw his head back at this, moan rattling his throat.

"What do you want, Alex?" I leaned up on my forearms.

"Want you, John."

"Yeah? Get comfortable for me?"

He got off of me and situated himself against the pillows, he handed me a bottle of lube from the bedside table. I spooned against him, sticking the bottle under the blankets, close to my body so it wouldn't be so cold. He arched his back, finding my chest. So much like how we took our naps together. He shivered when I touched his hip.

"You cold, darlin'?" I covered him.

"I'm fine. I'm good."

I placed kisses against his spine. His skin so soft, so warm. I ran my hands over his ass, squeezing the soft flesh. He stretched back toward my hand. I lubed my fingers and ran them against his entrance. His breathing stopped as I circled it.

"John." His voice sounded like it was carried by a breeze.

"Just relax for me?" I coached him, using my other hand to pet his chest.

His body softened and I took it as a cue to press slowly into him. He gasped my name.

"This okay?" I kissed the spot behind his ear.

"Feels so good." He whimpered.

"Good. I need you to feel good." Past the second knuckle.

He rocked against my finger, muscles softening, becoming pliant against me. I teased him with a second finger, his body taking it readily. I watched his dick move under the blankets and wished for a third hand to stroke him.

"John, you feel so good."

"Yeah? Touch yourself, baby." I whispered softly.

He shook his head, "no, no, I'm too close."

"Just from this?" I hooked my fingers for emphasis and added a third, feeling him stretch around me.

"John, Jack, sweetheart, please have me?"

I kept working him over "it would be my pleasure, you have a condom, or should I get one from my bag?"

He shook his head and pointed to the bedside table. I slowly claimed my fingers back and took a tissue from the table to clean myself. He stayed motionless, eyes glazed in sleepy pleasure as I reached over him. I took a condom and made a mental note to bring up the toys in the drawer sometime.

I rolled the condom on and sat back on my heels, "what position do you like?" I rubbed his thigh.

"I like missionary… if you don't think it's too boring?"

"Boring? Baby… baby, nothing where I get to look at that pretty face could ever be boring, of course, of course." I crawled on top of him and kissed my way down his chest, over his stomach.

I kissed his shaft and swirled my tongue around the pink head of his hard dick, he gripped the sheets and whined. I lubed my hardness and cupped his cheek before lining myself up. Slowly, painstakingly slowly, I sheathed myself in him.

He let out a shaky breath and I stopped, "doing okay, sugar? Talk to me."

He nodded enthusiastically, "you're big."

I grinned dopily at the compliment, "you'll let me know if I'm hurting you?"

He nodded again and I pushed deeper, sliding home, watching how his face twisted in ecstasy. He cried out and I started to move slowly, working to set a pace.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and crashed our mouths together, his dick leaping against my belly.

I pulled away to talk to him, still thrusting in speed, "Alex, you're so fucking good, baby. Wanted you since I saw you. You're perfect. You're so good, sugar."

His eyes rolled back and I felt him spill between us, hot and sticky, a sense of pride filling me. I slowed my thrusts.

"Keep going, don't stop for me, want you to come. Jesus Christ, Jack, keep going." He urged.

"You sure?"

"God, yes, I have to know what your cock feels like when it throbs inside me."

"Fuck's sake, 'Lex, you can't talk like that." I thrusted harder.

He let out a gasp with each thrust of my hips. I pulled at his hair and buried myself, dropping against him as I came, whimpering, grunting, cursing, his name like a prayer on my lips.

I pulled out of him and panted, cleaning us up.

"Do you want a shower?" he asked when I flopped back next to him.

"Nah, unless I'm super gross."

He chuckled, "no, I just… I dunno." He laughed it off, but I noticed something more, deciding to let it go.

He curled up to my chest and we lie there, listening to the music, taking each other in.

"Are you staying?" he asked me quietly.

"Do you want me to?"

He was quiet, finally just nodding slowly.

"I'll stay." I kissed the tip of his nose.

"Okay, can't wait any longer, need a cigarette." He got up and pulled on his sweatpants.

I stood up, too.

"You want something to wear other than jeans?"

"Sure," I shrugged and he tossed me a pair of Looney Toons pajama pants, I smiled and pulled them on.

I followed him out to the fire escape where he's set up a folding camp chair next to a smaller sized chair. He leaned against the railing and lit his cigarette.

"You can have the chair if you want. Sorry there's only one big person chair."

"All good, darlin'," I hoisted myself onto the flat railing of the fire escape.

Alex's eyes went wide, "John!"

"Relax, sugar. Do you not realize that not falling off of things is literally in my job description?" I looked down at the street six stories below us and found it only slightly less exhilarating than the sex we'd just had.

He glared at me and held my hand protectively, flicking ash off his cigarette.

I reached out with two fingers for the cigarette and he let me take a drag. We went back inside and curled up together, sleeping like we napped. For the first time in two years I slept in a bed, and for the first time in almost as long I didn't sleep alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex was surprised that I had stayed. He was adorable in the morning, sleepy and snuggly still awake before me. Finally, we'd gotten up for his morning cigarette and moved to the living room, Alex asked me several times if I didn't have anything better to do, each question met with a reminder that he was my better thing. He put a movie on and we cuddled on the couch. I played with his hair during the movie, his head on my chest, body threaded between my legs, both of us covered in a Scooby Doo blanket.

He sighed, losing interest in the movie half way through, looking up at me, catching me looking at all of the pictures on the wall, his hand, covered halfway by his hoodie sleeve traced my bare chest, "you don't have to stay."

I smiled at him and covered his hand with my own, "are you asking me to go? Because I will if you want me to."

He shook his head and started on a tangent, "no, no, no, that's not what I meant, I just meant that I'm pretty boring, and well, I don't want you to have to be subjected to that, and well, it's our day off, and so I, well I just figured that there's about a million things that you could be doing with your first day off, so I don't want to steal all your time."

I rubbed his arm briskly, like I was trying to warm him, "no, sugar, you aren't boring, I get to be with you, plus your tv is way bigger than my phone." I tried to keep things light.

"I dunno, I just don't want you to be bored, I guess."

"Not possible," I bent forward to kiss the top of his head.

He nodded and looked away quickly, leaning his head on our hands.

"What's the matter, 'Lex?"

He shrugged and shook his head, "doesn't matter."

I swept the hair loose from his bun behind his ear, letting my fingertips linger there, "if it's bothering you of course it matters."

He let out a long, deep sigh, " I guess when Thomas left me he forgot to take his demons."

I sat up and pulled him with me, I kept an arm around him, "what do you mean?"

"He was shitty. I mean, he didn't like, hit me, or anything, but he was shitty to me. I see it now. I think I saw it then, too, but Philip just thought the world of him, and he was good to Philip. He was. It was me he wasn't good to."

I didn't want to pry, but I did want to know more, "yeah?"

He nodded and I thought that the conversation was over until he pulled his knees up to his chest and spun to face me, I held his calves, rubbing them gently, "I dunno, he always pointed out how much better he could do, like I was a charity case, made it super clear that I was a convenience. He thought I was boring, called me a workaholic, eventually, I think it was me prioritizing Philip that made him leave, but that's my kid, man, I could never not prioritize him, he's my everything. Thomas couldn't hang, most guys can't, I guess I don't think that he ever really liked me. I used to think he did."

I nodded slowly, making sure that he was done talking, "none of those things are true, Alex. You're not a charity case, you're beautiful, you're sexy, you're smart, funny, cute. Far from a charity case. Boring? How could anyone ever think that you're boring? And I like your work ethic, there's too many slackers, this show has gone off beautifully because of you, because you've been there to make sure it has. And you know what? Fuck anyone who thinks that they should be more important to you than Philip is, he should always be your number one, I like you more because he is you priority, I love what a good dad you are."

His breathing laboured and tears glossed his eyes, his chin quivering, "I don't think any of what you just said is true."

In that moment I realized how much I hated Thomas Jefferson.

"Darlin', it is, it is. It's all true. You're so good, Alexander, you're so wonderful. You're a good man, you're a good dad, you're beautiful, just absolutely beautiful."

With each compliment I gave him he struggled more and more to hold back his tears, "you really don't want this."

"Why don't you let me decide what I want?" I cupped his cheek, swiping the tears that fell with my thumb.

"I'm sorry, I know I look stupid when I cry." He palmed at his face with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"Baby, you don't look stupid, you're upset…" I let silence hang between us, "he told you that too, didn't he?"

Alex nodded slowly and I pulled him into my chest and swayed him side to side. I seethed, Thomas was an asshole,  _that was always evident_ , but I found more and more reasons to hate him.

"You really don't think so?" he sniffed.

"Not at all." I start to hum softly to him, letting him have this moment, feeling grateful that I could do anything to help him.

"Y-you sing?"

I giggled against his hair, "not really, no, just for fun."

"Will you? Sing to me?"

I kissed his hair again and let my humming slowly turn into words, "something's breakin' my baby's heart, oh, I just wanna see him smile…" I kept singing and he looked up at me, smiling closed-lipped, tears in his eyes replaced by something akin to wonder.

"You know Tick, Tick, Boom? You know it and you sang it to me?"

"It's a really sweet song for being sad, and I remembered you like RENT, so I figured maybe more Jonathan Larson would be up your alley."

He smirked at me, "you get me, John. You do."

"I sure want to. And, hey, you want me to fight Thomas? 'Cause I'll fight him." I winked… mostly joking, I held up my fists and shadow boxed around him.

"Nah, not necessary." He chuckled a light sound.

"You want to go for a walk?" I offered.

"That sounds nice." We got dressed, me in yesterday's clothes, him in khaki cargo shorts and a Palace Theatre crew t-shirt.

"You worked at the Palace?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I uh, did a summer intern thing in high school while the West Side revival was there in 2010, but I didn't actually get to do anything. I take that back, I got to hand pink spike tape to Jason Brouillard."

"Ooh, look at you go. West Side Story is one of the best. That must have been around when Philip was born, huh?"

"I'd just found out his mother was pregnant, I was a fucking mess that whole summer, it's amazing I ever got to work in this town with what a spazz I was."

"Lot of pressure on you. How old were you?"

"I'd been seventeen for eleven days when he was born, I was just a kid, man."

I became even more impressed by him, I wanted so desperately to ask about Philip's mother, I decided against it, instead just looking at him doe-eyed, "you're amazing. How are you such a good dad?"

"It's my only choice." He shrugged.

We started the pilgrimage down from his apartment, by the time that we reached the street I felt like we'd already been for a walk.

"It's fricking hot outside, man." I grumbled.

"Nothin' like summer in the city." He took the hand that I offered and we walked down the hill, the scent of food hung in the air.

We strolled through a park nearby, finding shade to sit under. I sat in the grass and he used my thigh as a pillow. I wove blades of grass together.

"Best Shakespeare?" He asked me.

"Hmm… Twelfth Night?"

"Really?"

"Yeah? I mean, or Much Ado, you?'

"Hamlet." He answered quickly.

"Oh, yeah?"

"I'm a sucker for daddy issues." He chuckled.

"Then, gee, am I the right boy for you." I shot finger guns at him.

"Oh, yeah?"

I nodded, "definitely."

He made a small hum at this, and I watched him mentally tuck the information away.

"Ugh, it's too hot, let's go find air conditioning." He stood up and I followed him.

"You don't have anything else planned today?" I asked him.

"I suppose I could do dishes and sweep my house, but that sounds way less fun than being with you."

"I can help you with the dishes, we both made them together."

"Nah, you don't have to do that."

We turned the corner and his eyes lit up before he sighed.

"What?" I asked, eyes glued to him.

"The hydrant's open." He pointed down the street where a fire hydrant was gushing water, a crowd of people splashed in it.

"That's fun!"

Alex's shoulders sagged, "there's this kid who busts it open every summer and me and Philip go play in it, but he missed it this year."

We got closer to the fire hydrant, the sound of rushing water mixing with cheers and shouts, "it's not the same, but I'll play in it with you." I quirked an eyebrow at him.

I watched the conflict on his face, "no, that would be silly…" he trailed off.

"I'm gonna go play in it." I grinned wolfishly and hurried ahead of him.

"John!" He whined.

"C'mon! I'm going!" I sped toward the spray, and he followed reluctantly.

I stood in the spray and got drenched, letting my hair down from its ponytail, the cool water was refreshing. My heart raced watching him smiling at me, shaking his head at my goofiness.

"John!" He stood just outside of the mist and laughed heartily.

I moved out of the water toward him, "hi, Alex, fancy seeing you here, hey, let me give you a big hug." I snared him in a hug and effectively drenched him.

He squealed in laughter and let me pull him under the spray, soaking him. His eyes crinkled as he beamed at me. I kissed him in the water, pressing him against me. I wanted to kiss him in a way that would be considered inappropriate in front of children and he got the hint, pulling me to the door of his apartment. We climbed the first flight of stairs and I shoved him into the corner of the landing kissing him hard against the wall. Our wet clothing made a slopping noise as I crashed our bodies together.

"John." He breathed and tugged me by the front of my shirt up another flight of stairs, before slamming me into the wall, he was stronger than he looked from year of moving scenery. My dick strained against my wet pants, the fabric turning scratchy now that it was soaked. He reached wet hands under my wet shirt. I tasted his mouth and ground against him before shoving him off me and pushing him up the next flight.

"Alexander." I moaned low and throaty as I pushed him into the corner by the hallway, reaching between us I palmed him through his shorts, feeling his arousal. His hands were in my loose hair, tugging hard. I groaned.

"Jack." He guided me up the next flight by my hair and let me press him against the wall, he wrapped his legs around my waist and I supported him against the wall, relishing in the friction of his groin. I squeezed his ass where I held him up. He put his legs back down and let me take him by the arm up the next flight.

"Alex, I want you so bad." I reached down the back of his pants and felt his cool, damp flesh, I teased my fingers over his crack and he bucked against me, his legs faltering, I caught him and ground harder against him. I prodded his mouth with my tongue and was met frantically with his own, he moaned into my mouth.

"Jackie, Jack, John, we're so close, just come on." He pulled me up the stairs and fumbled with his keys while I suckled at the back of his neck. He got the door open and I shoved him through it, we stopped in the bathroom, emptying our pockets in the sink and throwing wet clothing into the bathtub, once we were both naked I pushed him to his bedroom and lay him down, his dick twitched up at me from where I straddled him.

"Look at your pretty dick." I bit my lip and watched his eyes, I liked seeing the thrill I gave him, that I encouraged him to be afraid once in a while.

I slunk down his body and took him in my mouth, he arched off the bed and groaned, low and loud, I yanked him by his hips, pulling off only long enough to find the lube from where I'd left it last night. I sucked at his dick while lubing my fingers, I teased him with one before pressing it into him. He squealed my name and it was music to my ears.

"You want me, darlin'?" I asked him.

"God, yes, please."

I kept working him open, he whimpered, thighs tightening around me. I left him empty while I got a condom and put it on. He got on all fours, waiting for me.

I sat on the ledge of the bed, "why don't you come here, baby?" I patted my thighs, "I can't kiss you like that, silly."

He faced me and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He took my dick in his hand and I dropped my forehead against his chest.

"John," he chuckled, "still so big."

"You feel so good, 'Lex."

He started to bounce on me, anchoring himself on my shoulders. His wet hair fell over his eyes and I moved a hand from his back to push his hair off his face and tipped his chin down to kiss him, his bouncing turned to rocking and his breath quickened.

"I like this." He whispered.

"I like you, baby, so good." I tightened my hold on his hip.

He prayed my name like a rosary and I lapped at his skin, drying, now with a chill from the air conditioning.

"You cold?"

"Little bit." He shrugged still riding me deep and slow.

I grabbed the corner of his comforter and draped it around us, "keep my baby warm."

He smiled like I'd given him the world and came alive as he warmed up, working faster, I gripped his hips harder.

He threw his head back, the angles of his Adam's apple worthy of being hung in the Louvre. I felt him start to tighten, the clench around my dick making me shudder. We came together, mouths on each others, hands needy and groping. He slumped against me and I rubbed his back.

"I think I really like sex with you." He laughed.

"Ooh, I know I do. You are the fucking best."

I kissed him again.


	9. Chapter 9

I'd left Alex's apartment late, grudgingly deciding that new clothes were a priority. I pulled my clothes out of the dryer and got ready for the day. Alex was able to come later for call, there was nothing to do before the show so I hung out with Lafayette. He wore a smirk, asking me for all of the details of what was happening with Alexander and I. I filled him in, leaving plenty out.

When Alex got to the theatre he hugged me close and I inhaled his scent of coffee and cigarettes, "I missed you. That night of sleeping by you sure made me lonely last night."

I hugged him back, "me, too, it's good to see you."

"I'm gonna stay down here and run cues with grips for the show, they're still just a little off in timing and apparently my being up in the booth isn't close enough to hammer it out."

I let him work and decided to watch the show from the truss, harnessing myself and climbing my rope, settling in by the time the lights went up. I watched Alex in the wings giving hand signals to his crew, he shared a joke with one of the grips, their shoulders shaking, I loved his face when he smiled.

During a lull between scenery changes I pulled out my flashlight and clicked it on three times successively. From the wings, pointed at the ground, I saw a small beam of light blink three times. I smiled at our language, the hidden meanings that no one else needed to know. I pulled out my phone and texted him a selfie, sending a message along with it.

**It's lonely up here.**

I watched his phone light up his face, revealing his beaming grin. He texted me back.

**That's your problem. Not gonna happen.**

I smirked and watched the rest of the show, climbing down after it was over, finding him in the green room.

"Hey, you." I kissed him.

"Hi." He yawned.

"Would you like to stay with me?" I offered.

"Can I? My place seems really far away."

"Absolutely."

He followed me to my room and I gave him a pair of sweatpants, knowing he got chilly so easily. I pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and turned the lights off before I joined him on my futon.

He curled in my arms and laced our fingers together, speaking quietly, "I'm having a lot of fun with you."

"Me, too." He was so warm and perfect in my arms that I couldn't help but fall asleep.

He seemed to startle awake in the morning, always so flighty when he'd been sleeping.

"Hi, sweetheart," He settled and snuggled against me.

"Good morning, sleep okay?" I rested my hand on his hip.

He nodded, "need coffee."

"Breakfast?" I suggested.

He agreed to this and we got dressed and left the theatre for a diner. He looked at me tiredly over his steaming cup of coffee while we waited for our breakfasts to come. Once our food came we tucked in to the meals, sitting in a comfortable, bleary morning silence. Alex looking half asleep until his third cup of coffee. We were finishing breakfast when his phone rang where it sat out on the table, I noticed that it wasn't a number saved to his phone.

"Hello?" He answered.

His face split into a smile almost instantly, "hi, baby! Are you having fun?"

I watched him listen intently, engaged and asking questions, pausing for answers, "you did? You did? Wow… You get to go swimming today? That's awesome… I've never gotten to zipline before, look at you being so brave! Have you made any friends? Yeah? I know it's so hot, drink lots of water, okay? You have to go? ...Okay, I love you so much, too, big squeezes! I can't wait to see you, baby, have fun!" He hung up the phone and despite his beaming smile he looked sad, torn by the conflicting emotions.

"God, I fall so hard for you, seeing you be such a good dad." I told him, finishing my toast.

Alex blushed and looked away, setting his card on top of the ticket the waitress had dropped off, "he's having such a good time at camp. God, I'm so happy he's having a good time."

The waitress brought his card back and he signed the slip.

We walked back to the theatre hand in hand, walking slowly so he could smoke a cigarette. I talked with a few of the actors in the green room while Alex got his crew ready, most of the actors were good people, nice, I enjoyed their company.

I found Alex by my booth before the show, black straps in his hands. Upon closer review, the straps were the secondary electrician harness.

"What's this?"

"Me having a deathwish. If my seven year old can zipline then I can be harnessed up and face certain death. I wanna watch the show up there with you." He swallowed hard, his hands shaking.

I quirked an eyebrow, "really?"

"Really really." He nodded.

"Well, shit, we've only got like ten minutes before the show, circle just ended, let's get you rigged up."

I held the harness open and he stepped into it, supporting himself with a hand on my shoulder, I helped him get his arms into it and then buckled the waist and chest straps, tightening them and his thigh straps until the fit him snugly. He followed me down to the base of the tower and watched me strap myself into my own harness, already perfectly sized for me. He shook like a leaf.

"You don't have to do this." I hugged him and whispered in his ear.

"It seems fun? You're sure it's safe?"

"Promise. I haven't even died once."

He chuckled at my lame joke and I mounted the rope, climbing it swiftly, he was behind me holding his own, it was easy to forget how strong he was despite his size from maneuvering scenery. At the catwalk, I climbed off to the truss and clipped my tether before showing him where to put his feet and hands, I watched his chest heave with breath as he climbed to the truss following my silent instructions perfectly. I tethered him to the truss and clipped mine further out. With shaking hands he opened the carabiner and moved it to the next strut. Slowly, we made it to the spot that was perfectly hidden. The actors had just finished the first scene. I wrapped a protective arm around Alex and felt him relax marginally.

"It's incredible up here." He whispered.

"I told you." I snuggled against him tighter and reached into my cargo pocket, producing my bag of Sour Patch Kids, I offered it to him and he shook his head, I shrugged and ate one.

"I'm still trying to convince myself not to throw up." He whispered with a chuckle.

I saw him watching his team, the GQ's going perfectly. He pointedly avoided looking at Thomas. We watched the rest of the first act that way, Alex occasionally whispering cues into the headset.

Over intermission I held him tightly and kissed him, trying to make him feel safe. I could feel his heart racing and I leaned him back on the truss and palmed his crotch, he bit his lip and I watched his eyes flick to the stage below, he clammed up.

"Hey, hey, baby, just look at me." I soothed him.

He looked up at me and swallowed, "I forgot how high up we were for a minute."

"Nothing bad's gonna happen to you as long as you're with me." I reassured him, tugging on the strap of his harness clipped around his chest, reminding him it was there, he was safe.

Alex relaxed and kissed me passionately, his hands held the struts of the truss and I pried his fingers off the cold metal, feeling how clammy they were. I held his hand, letting him grip mine tightly.

His tongue explored my mouth, the rush of him, the height, my favourite place was exhilarating. The second act began and we righted ourselves to watch it. He seemed more confident, holding my hand and leaning into me during the show.

During the bows, I helped him climb down, his nerves returning. Once we were safely on the ground I got him out of the harness. We gave notes to our teams and found each other in the greenroom. Thomas was getting his things from his locker and slipped past me and Alex, scoffing quietly. Once the door was closed I flipped him off. Alex hugged me around the waist, chuckling.

"You're the best." he sighed.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" I asked him. d him.

"You wanna come home with me? Sleep in a real bed?"

"I'd love that. Let me get some shit together."

"Sounds good, your bed is, god, maybe I'm just old, but Jesus, I don't know how you sleep on that thing every night."

I rolled my eyes at him and he followed me to my room and watched as I stuffed clothing and toiletries into my backpack. Once I'd packed my things we left for the long journey to his apartment. Alex napped on my shoulder during the train ride, I let him, playing with his hair.

We walked to his building and noticed the clouds rolling in, covering the moon.

"Is it supposed to storm?" he asked me.

I shrugged, "I don't know, maybe."

"Hmm, looks like it," he shrugged.

We made the pilgrimage up to his apartment and stepped out for a cigarette, the air was charged, we watched lightning flash through the sky on the Jersey side across the Hudson River. He snuggled under my arm and sighed.

"I love storms." I sighed.

"Eh, they're fine. My mom was always afraid of storms, I didn't really get why, but the year after we moved to America, the island got pretty leveled by a hurricane, the house I lived in as a baby got destroyed, my school did, too. They don't bother me necessarily, but I don't like to be cold and wet."

I leaned into him, "I'll keep you warm."

He leaned back against me and cleared his throat, flicking his cigarette, "I think I'm getting fucking sick."

I took his hair in my hand and moved it out of the way to rub his neck, "I'm sorry, darlin'. Can I get you anything?"

"Just wanna go to bed."

I went with him back inside to his bedroom, both of us changing clothes. We could hear the storm moving in, bringing with it crashing rain and whistling winds. He lie down in his bed and I could see that he didn't feel well, his eyes red, skin pale. I curled up with him and felt him shiver.

"You were just sick, sugar." I sighed.

He nodded, "I have  _the_ worst immune system. I got really sick as a kid and it just fucked me up, basically."

"Poor thing." I held him tightly and he nuzzled into the space in my chest where he belonged.

We fell asleep to the sounds of the storm, neither of us waking until the sound of my phone permeated through my sleep.

I answered it groggily, seeing that Lafayette was calling, "what it is, friend?"

"John... " he sighed heavily and then strung together a string of French curses I couldn't understand, "the theatre flooded in the storm last night."

"What?" I sat up and Alex bolted upright, I patted his thigh to reassure him and he looked at me curiously, I made a face to convey that things weren't good.

"It is true! The storm, the whole stage flooded and it is warped, the lighting was damaged, the pit is a swimming pool. We have to pull the show for at least a week." He sounded on the verge of tears.

I listened to a man in the background try to console him and placed the voice as Hercules.

"Well, we'll figure it out, take a few days, it'll all be right as… It'll all be fine." I saved myself from the social suicide of a bad joke.

"I hope so. I have other calls to make… you are off today."

"It's gonna be okay, Laf. Call me if you need anything."

"I will, mon ami. Thank you."

He hung up and as I started to explain the situation to Alex his phone rang and he got the same rundown. I smirked, Lafayette didn't realize that we were together. My smirk fell when I heard how rough Alex's voice sounded.

He got off the phone and I kissed his hoodie covered shoulder, "you feel like shit, don't you?"

Alex nodded, "oh, yeah, I'm dying, but, the important thing is that we get the day off and we can sleep." He flopped heavily against the pillows, pulling me down with him.

We napped in the morning sunlight, me holding him, him shivering and moaning. After we woke up again we went to the living room, he took the duvet and wrapped it around himself.

"I'm making myself some tea, do you want anything?" He offered.

I sat on the couch and watched him lean against the wall, I smelled coffee brewing, he finally waddled in his blanket shroud with a steamy mug clutched in the hand not holding the blanket around him. A tea bag tag fluttered on the outside of the cup. He sat next to me on the couch and wrapped me up as well. I looked into his mug, pure black, smelling of coffee.

"Babe, I know you're sick, but you made coffee, not tea."

He sniffled and shook his head, "no this is tea." He held up the tag of the tea bag.

"Baby, I can smell coffee, that's coffee."

"No, I mean, kind of. You brew tea in coffee and then you get both, but it's tea."

I kissed the side of his head, "what a bizarre, little creature you are."

He sipped his coffee-tea monstrosity and we watched crappy, old movies, napping off and on together. I'd never been happier to have a day off that it didn't occur to me for most of the day to wonder if all of my stuff was waterlogged and ruined in the theatre.


	10. Chapter 10

We spent most of the day curled up on the couch together. Alex sleeping, congested, high up on my chest. Me holding him, face buried in his hair, watching movies. The anxiety of wondering if any of my shit was okay from the flood got to me. When he stirred I woke him up fully.

"Hey, darlin', I need to go check on some stuff. I'll see you later?"

He held onto me tightly and sighed, trying to wake up the rest of the way, "yeah, yeah, okay, are you coming back?"

"If you want me to."

Alex nodded against my chest, "I want you to."

"Okay, babe, I'm gonna go get dressed." I kissed the top of his head and slipped away.

Once I was in fresh clothing I crossed the apartment to the front door, only accidentally kicking one plastic fire truck a dinosaur, and a spiderman mask. Alex chuckled from his blanket cocoon.

"Bye Alex, I lo-I'll, uh, see you later." I swallowed hard and waved.

He sniffed and coughed, oblivious to my near slip, "bye, Jackie."

I had six flights of stairs to think about how I'd almost told him I loved him. It wasn't time for that yet, I was rushing things,  _I always rush things._ Idiot. I continued to chastise myself for the next three flights, by that point the anxiety of wondering about the state of the theatre was too bad.

When I arrived at the theatre, I saw Lafayette first, hand cupping his chin, hair tied back, looking like the picture of stress. He waved me over.

"Talk to me." I was ready to hear how bad things were.

"It is not good, we've had contractors here all day, they're saying we're in for a week of work, there's apparently just a hole in the goddamn ceiling, they have to fix the roof, they have to fix the stage, obviously, my poor stage, they have to treat the textiles so that mold will not grow."

"Backstage, how's… everything?"

"All the green rooms are fine, but no one can be here while they're working… No one, John."

I nodded, "I'll figure it out."

He hugged me, I felt his whole body sigh at the contact, "if you need a place to stay…"

I nodded, "I know, thank you so much. Can I at least go and get some of my stuff?"

"Go for it." He waved me away.

My knees shook, I'd had nothing but what I could shove in my car when I came to New York, I could rebuild again if I had to. I just didn't want to. I let out a deep breath and cleaned out my mini-fridge of anything that would go bad in the next week and gathered up more of my things in a duffel bag, not sure of where I'd stay, back to my couch hopping roots. I found Lafayette again and tried to reassure him that everything would be okay, and not do the math on the million dollars being lost.

I pulled out my phone once I'd gotten back out to the noisy streets and called Alex. The phone rang a few times and I heard him shuffling around before he spoke.

"Hey, sugar, any chance I can bring you food to pay for a night or two at the finest Airbnb in Washington Heights?"

He chuckled and coughed, "yeah, of course… Oh, shit wait, the theatre, your stuff… Oh, no."

I smiled as the wheels turned in his head, "everything's okay, I'm just not allowed to be there until the repair crews leave."

"How bad is it?"

"It's not good."

"How bad?"

"They have to redo the stage, fix the roof, I guess mold is the big worry right now."

"My scenery?"

"It was all off stage, I didn't see any of it."

"Damn."

"I don't know if any of my lights even work."

"This sucks."

"Lafayette's a mess."

"Oh, I bet. Come home, bring me food."

_Home._

"What do you want?"

"Hmm… Sancocho and rice from the little place on the corner, it's blue. There's a salon next door."

"You got it, babe."

I hopped on the A and people watched for my trip up north. I found the restaurant that he was talking about and ordered our food, taking it to go back to his apartment. I knocked on the door and then let myself in.

He eyeballed my duffel bag, "you moving in?"

"No," I giggled, "I just don't know if they're going to let me in again until all the work is done. I can probably crash at Herc's of Lafayette's. I'm not just gonna make you take me in."

"I got four days to offer." He smiled.

"Thanks, and, hey, look, you made it through the first half of Philip being at camp!" I praised him.

"I've had someone to keep me occupied." He winked, tucking into his soup.

I sat next to him and ate my delicious pernil and rice, letting him steal a bite, trying some of his stew.

"How do you feel, sugar?" I asked him after we'd eaten.

"Better." He nodded.

"Good, can I get you anything?"

He shook his head, cuddling up to my side, "thanks for dinner. I really like you."

"I  _really_ like you, babe." I kissed his head.

"You don't have to take care of me."

"And you don't have to let me stay here while they work on the theatre."

He squeezed me tight, "touche."

The next few days were paradise. Alex got to feeling better and we had time off, it was like a vacation, I got to sleep in a real bed.

"You know," I told him, caressing his flank, still tangled in post-coital bliss on our last morning together, "we don't have to get up."

He drew lines to connect the freckles on my chest, "good, because I wasn't planning on it."

"So can I kiss you some more?"

"Ideally."

I bent over him and kissed him, his hands reaching to explore my body. I stroked him hard and slid down his body to take his erection in my mouth, his legs knotting together around me. My hands kneaded the flesh of his inner thighs and I felt his muscles twitch under the skin, my thumbs running over the ambit of his groin and legs.

I swirled my tongue, he arched his back, I sucked at the tip, his hands found my hair, I swallowed him whole, he prayed my name. The responses that I could drag out of him fascinated and excited me. I continued to play in his sensations and worked his balls in my hand, reaching a finger to tease his opening. His knees crushed my ribs and I listened to the music of him panting as I continued to suck him off.

It was hard to strike the balance of teasing him with pleasure and making it last as long as I could, to keep him in the purgatory of being so near to the climax. His keening noises, hands in my hair, my own dick, painfully hard against the sheets yet again. I made it knuckle deep in him before he came, hot and quick in my mouth. I swallowed what he had to give me and then took him back in my arms.

"How are you so good at that?"

"Lots of practice." I winked.

"Is that right?" He blushed, staring down at where my hardness tented the sheets.

"Sure is." I folded my arm behind my head and shut my eyes.

"Want me to handle your situation?" He asked.

"I mean, I won't stop you."

I felt him moving around and waited for the warmth of his mouth, surprised when I felt him roll a condom over my length, but whatever. It wasn't until I felt him lowering onto me that I opened my eyes. He was guiding my shaft in, his head thrown back, mouth open on a broken hinge, panting as he took me.

"Well, goddamn, babe, do it." I was shocked and aroused.

I caressed his thighs as he reached the hilt, he found a pace to work me over at, I could tell he was aiming for his prostate with every stroke.

"You like this?" He asked, looking down at me.

"So much. Like you so much."

I stared at him, watching him bite his lip, his hair barely still tucked into its bun. He looked back at me and we stared at each other, unwavering eye contact. He moaned, sitting hard on my dick, rocking back and forth. I pulled his face down to kiss him. After as many times as I'd had him today it barely took anything to get me to come again. He used me and managed to get himself off again. I let him clean us up and snuggle back into my arms.

"I have to get stuff done today." He grumbled.

"Oh, yeah? What all do you have to do? I'll help you."

"Well, there's no food for my kid, I need to clean up in general. Get ready to go get him tomorrow morning."

"Do they have a bus or something?"

"No, I had one of our neighbors take me."

"Are they taking you back?"

"I need to check, actually."

He reached for his phone and started texting. His phone chimed and his face fell.

"What's wrong."

He read the text, sarcastically, "'oh, fuck, was that tomorrow? Sorry, man, I gotta work.' Goddammit,"

"That sucks, what are you gonna do?"

Alex shook his head, "I dunno, right now, smoke a cigarette." He pulled on his sweatpants and went outside, I followed, tugging on my shorts.

"I have a car."

"You do?" His eyes lit up.

"Yup, you can totally borrow it."

"I can't drive."

"Okay, so I totally don't want this to be weird, I respect you, I respect your boundaries… but, I'll take you."

"Really?"

I nodded, "of course, darlin', take you anywhere you wanna go. I know you don't want me to meet Philip yet, but you can just say we work together."

He kissed me, "thank you so much, sweetheart."

"You've got me wrapped around your finger, do anything for you."

"Where do you keep it?"

"Laf's building has a garage and he lets me pay him to keep it there and I run him out of the city when he needs it. I barely ever use it."

"Why do you have a car?"

"I bought it to move up here and I lived in it for a minute, now it's just handy for shit like this. Got a bike, too."

"Well, sweet. Thank you so much."

"My pleasure… I gotta say, I am excited to meet the kid."

Alex smiled and wrapped an arm around me, "he's gonna think you're the shit."

"I mean, I am, aren't I? Yo! Let's make him a banner!"

"What?"

"Like, 'Welcome Home, Philip' in big letters."

"You're the artistic genius, I'll put you in charge of that while I clean up."

"Got construction paper?"

"What self respecting home of a kid wouldn't?"

"Good point."

He went into Philip's room and brought me crafting supplies. I started working to create a banner for him while Alex got the rest of the apartment cleaned up. We worked together to hang the banner on the wall behind the couch and then I dried and put away dishes for him.

"Where are you going to stay?" He asked once the dishes were done.

"Laf's, I guess. Don't worry, I'll figure it out. Always do." I beamed a grin at him.

"I do worry about you, though."

I went to his bedroom and packed up my duffel bag, wishing that this week would never end, but equally as elated to finally get to meet Philip. I texted Lafayette to make sure that I was still okay to crash on his couch and Alex and I made dinner together, enjoying our last night in the bubble free of responsibilities.


	11. Chapter 11

"So when do we have to leave?" I asked Alex.

"Gotta be at camp by ten, it's gonna be at least a two hour drive with traffic. I say probably around seven just to be safe." He loaded our dinner plates into the dishwasher.

"That's early. Wanna go get the car now? It probably needs cleaned out, gassed up."

"Sure. Let's go," he yawned.

We took the train downtown and I took the opportunity to hold his hand on the ride. I had to detox from his presence, our week together would make the loneliness feel so much bigger. We got to Lafayette's building and I punched the garage code and found my shitty 1993 Volvo sedan tucked away in its corner.

"Here we are." I pointed out my car.

"I like how the hood and body and bumper don't match. Your car's like a pride flag." he teased, bumping me with his shoulder, I couldn't help but grin.

My poor car had seen better days, it was mostly a steely blue, but the red hood and dark green bumper were clear reminders of my tax bracket. I unlocked the passenger door and trash and a pair of shoes fell out, I shoved it all to the back seat and climbed through to the drivers side, Alex took his place beside me.

"Sorry about that, my door doesn't work. Okay, it makes a horrible noise, but it's safe, got me all the way here from Charleston." I warned him, turning the engine on.

The familiar knocking sound was there, like an old friend. Alex buckled his seatbelt.

"How long of a drive is that?"

"About twelve hours."

"Damn, you did that by yourself at like eighteen?"

I nodded and smirked, "you know, I could say the same to you about having a one year old at eighteen."

"Point taken," he smirked back.

My underused car hesitated, driving like it couldn't quite remember how. I maneuvered through the ever crowded streets of New York and found a gas station - one of the only ones left - and waited in line behind a row of taxis.

I handed Alex my card, "I'll clean shit out, you pump and no one gets angry at us for taking too long?"

"Deal."

I pulled up to the bay and turned the engine off, climbing out of the car behind Alex. I grabbed armfuls of trash, fast food wrappers, empty cups, old paperwork, old bills and shoved the refuse in the trash can by the pump. It looked decent enough.

I was confident that I could find street parking near Alex's building and drove to his apartment. I'd almost forgotten how different driving and public transit were. The 'after dinner on a Tuesday' traffic was nowhere near as bad as it would be in the morning. I parallel parked down the street and crawled in the back to fold up the clothes and organize the shoes back there, making it at least kind of nice for Philip.

"You've got a booster seat for him?" I asked.

"Yup. It's up in the closet."

"Alright, this is as good as it's gonna get."

"Thank you, again, you really got me out of a pinch."

I wrapped an arm around him, "I always will."

"I'm kind of bummed it's our last night together." He sighed.

"Me, too, hey, once the theatre opens again, though, we get to look forward to our naps."

Alex nodded and took my hand. We got into his apartment and readied ourselves for bed, for our last night together. He snuggled up against me and I pulled the collar of his baggy t-shirt off his neck to kiss his skin. I focused on trying not to be sad, I'd gotten so used to him, so comfortable with him and it was all about to end, relegated back to stolen kisses and flashlight beams at the theatre.

I sighed heavily against his back and his half asleep voice startled me, "you okay, sweetheart?"

I held him even tighter, "right now? I'm perfect."

"Night, honey, it's been a great week." his voice was throaty and thick with sleep, once he stopped speaking his breath found a slow rhythm and he was asleep. The comfortability of it chubbed my dick, our domesticity a kink I didn't realize I'd had.

I was tempted to stay up all night, maybe I could stop morning from coming that way. But, if morning never came then we wouldn't go get Philip. I knew how much he missed his boy and that made me being sad okay. I fell asleep behind him, arm over his side, over fingers laced together against his chest.

For the least morning person I'd ever met, Alex seemed excited as we got ready to go. We went down to my car and crossed the less busy side of the GWB.

Alex leaned over the center console onto my shoulder, "I need coffee."

"I'll find a McDonald's or something." I put my hand on his knee and he held it.

Once we were through Jersey and back into New York I found an exit with every fast food option a hot-blooded American could hope for and we stopped at a Burger King. I ordered a sandwich and Alex stuck only to coffee. Back on the road, at his request I gave him a bite of my breakfast, turned into two bites, to three, to sharing my mini hash browns.

"Good thing you weren't hungry, shithead." I winked at him crumpling the empty wrappers in the backseat.

"I wasn't!" He rolled his eyes.

"You're the worst, you know that." I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"I know." He seemed pleased with himself.

I ran my hand up his thigh and he protested with a 'hey!' but then adjusted in the seat to give me more access to fondle at him. We spent the drive teasing each other, him sipping his coffee, me trying to keep my eyes on the road and not on the most beautiful man in the world. His excitement grew once we pulled off the highway. I'd only been upstate once and was taken aback by its beauty. We pulled up to the camp, down a gravel path and saw dozens of kids in different day-glow coloured shirts. I found a place to park and we got out and found a counselor.

"How nice you were both able to come." The young blonde woman smiled at us as she handed Alex the checkout information, I wondered if she thought we were both Philip's parents but let it go.

I recognized one of the kids in an orange shirt as Philip and he saw Alex and ran toward him, long, curly hair bouncing behind him. Alex crouched down and braced himself as Philip flung himself full tilt at his father. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, not sure of how much space to give them for their moment. Alex's cheeks went red, and I watched him try not to cry as he held his boy tightly.

"Hi, daddy!" Philip finally wriggled free.

"Hi, baby. I missed you, punk! You grew twelve feet!" Alex held his sons hands.

"No, I didn't. I probably only grew a little. I'm still littler than you."

Alex chuckled, hugged Philip again and stood up, brushing the gravel dust off the knees of his jeans.

"Hey, this is my friend, John Laurens, we work together at the theatre, he was nice enough to drive us today." Alex introduced me.

Philip stood up tall and shook my hand firmly, "hello, Mr. Laurens, I'm Pip." He beamed up at me, I saw Alex's face in his smile, two front teeth missing, tongue poking through the hole when he smiled. It was the eyes.

"Philip." Alex reminded him gently.

"I'm Philip." Philip emphasized his name.

"Hi, Philip, I'm John."

He stepped closer to Alex, a little shy. Alex squeezed his shoulder to reassure him.

"Alright, how about we get your stuff and blow this popsicle stand?" Alex suggested.

"Can you carry my sleeping bag? It's super duper heavy." Philip pleaded.

"I suppose." Alex drug out the syllables in a mocked annoyance and winked at Philip.

One of Philip's friends ran up to him and hugged him, "I'm gonna miss you, bestie!"

"Yeah, me, too! You're the best at cannonballs." Philip hugged him back.

"I'm pretty good at 'em," the little boy looked up at me, "is this your dad?"

Philip giggled, "no, silly, this is my dad." He hugged Alex's waist.

"Hi, Mr. Pip's dad!" The kid waved at Alex, "hi, other dude," he waved at me and then bounded off.

The same blonde woman led us to the flagpole where all of the campers' things were laid out. Philip handed Alex the majority of his stuff and we went back to my car. I popped the trunk and Alex tossed Philip's stuff next to my duffel bag. We all got into the car and Philip stayed standing, leaning forward through the front and back seats.

"Hey, daddy?" He looked at Alex.

"Yeah, babe?" Alex turned to look at his boy.

Philip threw his arms around Alex's neck, "I really missed you."

My heart melted and I licked my lips, amused by how much seeing Alex's love for his son made me fall for him harder.

"I missed you, too. Can you go ahead and buckle?"

Philip kissed Alex's cheek and sat in his booster, struggling with the seatbelt.

"Can't get it, daddy, help?" He tugged at the belt.

Alex got out and went to the back to help him, struggling as well. I reached back and fed the belt back up before pulling it out, Alex clipped it and smiled at me. He got back in the car and we turned for home.

"What was the coolest thing you did?" Alex asked.

"Definitely riding horses, my horse was named Nelson, he was super big, I had to climb up some stairs to get on him!"

"Ha!" Alex wheezed, it was a sound more of pain than a laugh, he turned to me, "my kid rode a horse so big that he had to climb stairs! Stairs. A horse! Whew, crazy."

"It was super cool, we had to wear helmets, though, psh, dumb."

Alex let out a breath, "thank God for small miracles."

I looked at Philip in the rearview mirror, "I had a horse growing up."

I could see his eyes light up and he and Alex asked in unison, "you did?"

"Mmhmm, my sister had a horse, too. We liked to ride together."

"In New York City?" Philip's eyes went wide.

"Nope, I grew up far far away in South Carolina."

"That's South and the capital is… Columbia and it became a state in… seventeen somethin'."

"Dang." I whistled.

"Good job, smarty. 1788," Alex praised the boy.

"Daddy, did you write any new songs while I was gone?"

I glanced at Alex and he chuckled nervously, "um, nope,"

"Daddy! You were gonna!"

"I know, I know, I got busy while you were gone."

I smirked,  _damn right, he got busy._

"Guess what?" Alex turned to look at Philip.

"What?"

"The theatre flooded."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yup, sure did, there hasn't been a show almost the whole time you were gone, tomorrow is the first day it's back open."

"So, you don't have to work tonight?"

"Nope, I'm all yours."

"Yay!" He clapped his hands.

We rode on for a while until Philip grumbled, "I'm kind of hungry."

"Me, too, kid." I stared pointedly at Alex, who shrugged and made a guilty face.

We stopped for food and piled out of the car, going inside where Alex made Philip go to the bathroom under the pretense of 'at least trying.' I held our place in line and we ordered our food. Once back in the car and our second breakfast had been eaten, Philip slumped in his seat and snored softly. Alex was the first one to touch me, offering a hand on my thigh. I laced our fingers together.

"Write songs, huh?" I couldn't let it go.

He shrugged, "I mean, kind of."

"What are you writing?"

"Don't laugh."

"I won't." I promised.

"I'm, uh, I'm writing a musical."

"Dude, that's so dope."

He shrugged.

"What's it about?" I asked.

"Uh," he ran his free hand over the back of his neck, "just kinda like, my neighbourhood and, I dunno, it's silly, but just kind of a look at what my little community is like… it's stupid, just a pet project, but… yeah."

"That sounds really cool."

He smiled and looked at his hand before chewing at his thumbnail. I put on some music to fill the silence and ran my thumb in circles over the back of Alex's hand. I pulled off the highway to get gas, Philip woke up as the car slowed down and Alex yanked his hand out of my grasp. He was always so jumpy at the drop of a hat, like a skittish cat. He pumped gas for us and Philip yawned, his little body vibrating with the intensity of his stretch.

"You tired, buddy?"

He scrubbed at his face with his hands, leaving the skin red and he frowned and nodded, he was so like his dad.

"I hate getting up early, but every day we got up so so early, like even before the sun!" He complained.

"Wow, that's pretty early."

Philip shifted in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest to get comfortable and closed his eyes, "I know. Early is dumb."

I laughed,  _no paternity test needed._

Alex rejoined us in the car, and I started the engine.

"Can we keep the music?" Philip asked.

"Sure thing, what would you like to listen to?"

"Hmm, I really like Avenue Q."

I side-eyed Alex who'd covered his face, burning bright red, with his hands, "dude, no, you can't say that, you know literally one song."

"Well, it's your fault 'cause you play it on the piano all the time and sing it a bunch, 'specially when you were super sad." Philip shrugged in the backseat.

Alex rubbed his temples, "still, don't tell people you listen to that, you know one song, the rest are for grown ups."

"Which song?" I had to know.

"There's a Fine, Fine Line." He chewed at his thumbnail, his cheeks losing their flush.

"Oh, that one's pretty much fine. Wait, you play piano?"

He nodded, "yup."

"Learning all sorts of stuff about you." I grinned.

"My daddy's the best at piano." Philip chimed in.

Alex blushed again, "that's not true."

"It's definitely true." Philip countered.

"You have a piano?" I asked, sure that I would have remembered seeing it.

"We have a plug in piano that's just the keys." Philip told me.

"A keyboard. It's called a keyboard, babe." Alex explained.

We listened to a wide array of showtunes and Disney songs for the rest of the ride home.

"We're on the bridge! On the 'Almost Home' bridge!" Philip squealed in delight as we crossed the GWB.

"You made it!" Alex cheered to him.

"Can Mr. John stay for a while? He's really cool!"

"I dunno," Alex smirked at me, "can Mr. John stay for a while?"

I shrugged, "if you want."

"Yeah! You can see my room. Do you like Pokémon?"

"Um, of course I do!"

"Who's your starter?"

"Squirtle."

"I mean, duh, right? Daddy thinks Charmander, but daddy is  _wrong!"_

We pulled up to their building and Alex grabbed Philip's bags out of the trunk.

"Carry me?" Philip raised his arms to Alex, loaded down with sleeping bag and backpack.

"With what hands, dog?"

"I can take his stuff." I volunteered.

"Sure?" Alex warily handed the bags to me and I nodded.

"Yeah, I got it." I waved him off.

"Come here, kid."

"Yay! I don't have to walk up a million stairs!"

Philip jumped into Alex's arms and he held him on his hip, kissing his forehead, "you definitely got bigger."


	12. Chapter 12

"Get back in here and face me, Spiderman!" I shouted from the living room.

"Green Goblin, you'll never get away with this! The people of New York City need my help!" Philip ran in from the kitchen and slid between my legs, shooting imaginary webs at me.

I fell to the ground and writhed, "oh, no! Now how am I ever gonna kidnap the mayor?"

Philip straddled my chest, pretending to web handcuff my arms above my head on the ground as I pouted, accepting my defeat, "you won't because you're a bad guy and the good guys always win!"

I caught Alex smirking at me where I lie on the floor, done loading the dishwasher after our dinner.

"Oh, no, all my plans, foiled!" I shrieked.

"Alright, good job saving us all, Spidey. New York thanks you, but now it's time for you to take a bath, stinky boy, you smell like… like outside… and kid funk. Come on." Alex pulled Philip off of me and offered a hand to help me up.

"But, daddy!" Philip protested, hands on his hips.

"Come on, babe."

"Daddy, I really wanna keep playing."

"Yup, I bet you do. Bathtime then bed, abuelita will want to see you all clean and ready to rock and roll in the morning. Maybe you can go feed the birds with her in the park."

"Daddy, please, birds are cool and stuff, but, I like Mr. John, we were having fun."

"No more, but's, dude. You need a bath and then you need to go to bed, I'll come help you with your hair in just a minute. I'm going to just say goodbye to John."

Philip's shoulders slumped and he stalked off the to the bathroom, Alex sighed, looking tired, and smiled at me.

Philip was half naked in the door of the bathroom, "hey, daddy?"

Alex wiped his face with his hand and let out a breath, "what do you need now, babe?"

He ground his toes into the floor and scratched his head through his mess of curls, "um, so is Mr. John your boyfriend, daddy?"

Alex stammered incoherently, flushing red, unable to form a fluent thought.

Philip cut him off, "'cause he should be!"

"Thank you for your input, Pip. Now, please, go and bathe." Alex enunciated carefully.

I heard the water splash in the bathroom as Philip got in the tub, Alex looked like he was wondering what the most painless way to kill himself this very moment might be.

I took his hand and kissed his cheek, whispering in his ear, close enough for him to feel my breath ghost over his ear, "so am I your boyfriend… _daddy_?"

Alex grinned and let out a shaky breath, I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, he shifted uncomfortably, not sure what the right answer was. I liked making him nervous, making him chase that rush, making him see the world the way that I did.

"I think you just might be. Do you want to be?" He whispered and chewed the smile off his lip.

"More than anything," I took a palmful of the hair at the nape of his neck and tugged his head back gently, but with enough force to count, "I sure fucking hope you sleep tonight before our nap at the theatre, because I'm not gonna let you nap at all."

He panted, body straining toward mine, his eyes slipped closed and I kissed him silently, trying to be incognito. His hand worked to get between us and cupped my hardness through my jeans. I wanted him, but this wasn't the time or place. I kissed him quietly and smiled over my shoulder.

"Bye, kiddo!" I called as I left.

Alex was licking my taste off his lips.

The drive to Lafayette's was long enough for me to squeal in delight in the privacy of my own car. I could have just stayed with Laf, but I wanted to be ridiculous on my own and the contractors had finished early, ahead of schedule.

Philip was amazing, he was cute and funny, like the miniature version of all the best parts of his father. I could see myself loving him. He liked me, too, I mean,  _I think he liked me._ He showed me his favourite toys in his room and we played together and built a Batcave out of legos. I was still beaming on the train to the theatre.

For the first time in over a week, I unlocked the stage door of the theatre, my home, and set the

alarm, finding my room, comfortable and small. It felt more hollow, so empty of everything Alex. Everything that I'd had over the last week. I settled into my lumpy futon and couldn't wipe the smile off my face. My phone buzzed from its place on my chest.

**Home yet?**

I smiled,  _he really did care._

**Just got here. My bed sucks.**

**Ha! Told you so.**

**Hey… Thanks for everything.**

**NP. See you in the morning? ;)**

**I'll be there.**

**Goodnight, boyfriend.**

My cheeks hurt.

**Goodnight, sugar**

I managed to fall asleep and was still sleeping when he knocked on my door. I got up to answer it, turning on my bedside lamp. I hugged him, still cuddly from sleeping, seeing him both roused and aroused me. I had every intention of making good on my promise from the previous night.

"Hi, you." I shut the door and used every ounce of self control I had to not jump him.

He set his coffee and bag down before sitting on the edge of my futon, he seemed cagey.

"You alright, darlin'?"

"Um," he sighed, "yeah, I'm good… hey, look, so blanket forgiveness if you can't hang. I'm sure that yesterday was kind of a lot for you. I'm not just 'Alex who gives good head and has a heightened sense of self-preservation, and really cold hands and drinks too much coffee' anymore. Like, I get it if you saw parts of me that you didn't like, or weren't ready for, or whatever, and that's cool. So… if you wanna jump ship, I mean, now's the time, you can just be the nice guy who gave us a ride one time and that's the end of it. I mean, like, I'm still down to fuck and stuff, just, like, tell me if I need to put my heart on lockdown, 'cause I can… if that's what you want."

His lips pressed a thin line and his feet tapped on the linoleum floor.

"You up all night working on that speech?" I tucked a piece of hair that had come loose from his bun behind his ear.

"Most of the night, yeah." He chuckled.

I looked into his eyes, noticing how red they were, "Alexander, yesterday only made me fall harder for you. Seeing how much you love Philip, it made me even more excited to be a part of your life. He's a great kid, which, whew, weight off my shoulders, because you're a packaged deal and, man, would it suck if he was lame, but holy shit, he's the coolest, and that makes falling in love with you even doper, because I get to fall for him, too. I can hang. Let me hang."

He was crying silently, I hugged him to me and kissed his hair, "how?"

"What do you mean, 'how'?"

He sniffled and wiped his face, tucking back in against my chest, "how did I get so lucky?"

"Darlin', you're amazing, I ask myself the same thing all the time, and now Philip sweetens the deal, how the Hell did  _I_ get so lucky?"

Alex pulled away from my arms and kissed me, slowly, softly, not the wanton, urgent kiss of last night, a deeper, more passionate kiss, one that suggested that he knew we had time. We had all the time in the world. I lie him back slowly on my futon, lying on top of him, our kiss not breaking. He gripped my hips and ground us together. I tasted him, giggling against his tongue at the tickle of his goatee. My dick throbbed in my basketball shorts, seeking any friction to rut against.

I broke our kiss and touched Alex's cheek, catching him at just the right angle to be completely blown away by his beauty. He chuckled and looked away when he saw me staring.

"Oh, no, sugar, don't look away," I tipped his chin toward me, "it would just be cruel of you to not let me see those pretty brown eyes."

He wrapped his arms around my neck and bucked his hips up toward me, "they're just plain brown, not like yours. Even your eyes have freckles. Those little bits of gold, the way they pick up the light, especially when you smile. When I see those little gold flecks I get why people blew their life savings to go out to California for the gold rush, because, Jesus, I'd do anything for those little flecks."

"Goddamn, Alex, how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Words… and shit." I struggled to find eloquence.

He laughed and kissed me, "some people get to look like you, and the people who look like me have to make up for it by being wordsmiths."

"Nope, doesn't work that way, you look like that, your words can take a man apart. Are you bad at math? Please tell me you're bad at math."

"I'm pretty good at math, I thought about going into international trade, for a minute I thought about being a lawyer, somehow I ended up in theatre. Wait, weren't you making out with me?"

I shook my head of our conversation, "oh, right."

I resumed kissing him, grinding against him. He was moaning under me, coiled tightly like a spring. I pulled at his jeans and he lifted his hips enough for me to pull them off. I ground our hips together harder and tugged my shorts away. He gasped at the heat of our bodies against each other. I rolled away from him and rummaged through my stuff and found a bottle of lube, warming it on my fingers as I curled back beside him. He hooked a leg over mine and I teased him with my fingers, he turned his head away from me and his lips parted, eyes fluttering shut.

"Psst," I hissed, not stopping what I was doing.

"What?" He looked at me.

"Yo, if you're gonna be making faces of ecstacy like that you could at least do it in my direction," I kissed the tip of his nose.

"Right," he swallowed, "sorry, I forget sometimes that you're all like, into me enjoying it."

"Of course I am, silly." I continued to tease his entrance.

He let out a tiny chuckle, "yeah, not everyone is."

_Fucking Thomas._

I took my thoughts as a personal challenge and became even more focused on pleasing him, I slid in to the first knuckle and he let out a throaty moan. I pushed even further and watched him lick his lips, a contented smile pulling them apart. I moved my finger, feeling him out, reading what each motion did on his face like it was my favourite book.

Once he was comfortable, I tested the waters with a second finger, his relaxed body more eager to take it. Each pant of pleasure was a ghost of his sweet, warm breath across my face, he burrowed against my chest and clenched my oversized t-shirt in his fist. I spread and twisted my fingers, hooking them to find his prostate, he let out a keening yelp once I had and I did everything in my power to make him make that sound again. Once I did and got into a rhythm of brushing it with my fingertips he turned to kiss my neck. He beared down on my fingers and that alone made my dick twitch.

I desperately wished for more hands and since I hadn't found a way to turn into a Hindu deity I set all of my one-handed focus on his prostate, the most effective way to make him make those faces. His brows knit together, the perfect pout of his cupid's bow.

"Alex," I whispered to him, "you're so sexy, love watching you like this. Love watching you on my fingers. Perfect, tight ass. God, I could do this for hours."

"Jack, please, fuck's sakes." He begged.

"You want me, baby?"

He nodded and I tore a condom open and rolled it on, slipping between his legs, it was easy to slide into him, his tightness so open and ready for me. I was barely all the way in when he was coming, eyes squeezed shut tightly. His muscles tightened around me and I fucked into his tightness, trying to keep my head, vision blurring. Everything was Alex, I leaned close against him and smelled his coffee and cigarettes, stared down at how beautiful he was, listened to his little noises. My orgasm burst out of me and left me draped over him, panting.

I pulled out and cleaned us up, we had a little time left, today would be a long day, our first show back tomorrow, we had today to get everything ready. Alex was cuddled against my side, I stroked his goatee lazily.

"You ever topped?" I asked him.

"I mean, I've had sex with chicks…  _obviously…_ but not usually with guys."

"You ever want to?"

He shrugged, "why? Is that something you're into?"

It was my turn to shrug, "I'm versatile, I mean, I top mostly, but Jesus fucking Christ would it be my pleasure to be taken apart by you."

He chuckled, "that can probably be arranged."

"What's sex with chicks like?"

"Hmm…" he thought about it, "never been with a woman?"

I shook my head, "I'm as gay as a boy in his mama's heels singing Dolly Parton… because I… was that boy. Got to third base with a girl in high school and freaked out, realized I was super gay and couldn't lie to myself anymore."

"Well, for starters, there's way less lube, which is a huge bummer, but chicks have weird stigmas about it. A lot more hang-ups in general. I've only been with two women."

I was surprised at the number, "that's it?"

"Yup. My first time was with a girl, she was sweet, good gal. I was fifteen, I wish I could find her and apologize for the weirdest twelve seconds of her life." He chuckled.

"Oof, sounds about right."

"Then there was this guy, he was really sweet, too, he was good for me. Then Philip's mother."

"Who was she?"

He snorted, "a mistake."

I held him and didn't pry, "my first time was with my first string varsity equivalent under the bleachers after football practice… still surprised he was a bottom."

"That's the most southern, good ole boy sentence I think I've ever heard."

I laughed, "then there was the… rugby guy? No wait, the… yeah, I guess it was the rugby guy, that's when I thought maybe I was a bottom… coincidentally also when I found out I'm into choking."

"You were that kinky in high school?"

"No, it was more that we couldn't figure out angles and he just kind of lie on top of me and I couldn't really breathe… but, hey, it worked."

Alex chuckled, "my first time with a guy in college… he called me mom… that was super weird,"

I sat up, "wait, what?"

Alex laughed too hard to talk and just shook his head, finally he gained some composure, "I didn't top for a  _long_ time after that."

"Mom?"

"Mom."

"Weird," I shook my head, "oh, there the time I was with a furry."

Alex quirked an eyebrow, "do go on."

"I didn't know he was a furry! Until he barked at me. He barked… and then he licked my face when he came. First guy to eat me out, though."

"I eat a pretty mean ass." Alex shrugged.

"Hmm, that so?"

He nodded, "the guy after the 'mom' guy was super into it."

"Yo, you've been holding out on me."

Throughout the PA we heard the call for places.

"Yay… Time to go spike the whole stage." Alex rolled his eyes.

"Well, I get to replace all the gels in the lights, but we got four new lights out of it! Including motherfucking Overhead B!"

Alex high fived me, "yeah! Wait, does that mean you'll be up in the catwalk over me all day?"

I nodded, "sure does."

"Yes! That's such a good view of your butt."

"You're a dork." I kissed his nose and got up to get dressed.


	13. Chapter 13

It was easy enough to get the show re-set. I spent most of the day up in the catwalk or strapped to the lighting truss re-setting the gels that had gotten waterlogged. I ogled at my new lights and played with them. New toys were always fun, especially considering the haphazardly rigged equipment that had been coasting through on gaff tape, zip ties, and prayer.

Alex spent most of the day bent over on his hands and knees spiking the stage. I caught myself distracted from what I was supposed to be doing by his pose more than once, him sitting back on his heels, tearing the tape with his teeth and nearly came undone. I came down from the catwalk and hung my harness back on its hook before going to find Alex who was no longer on the stage. He could be elusive when he wanted to; small, dressed all in black in the dark theatre. I looked around for him, feeling more like I was trying to find a black cat in the dark than my boyfriend.

I heard his voice in the workshop, he was arguing with a carpenter about fixing a damaged piece of scenery, I walked past the workshop not wanting to interrupt him while he was actually working but found myself amused by the passion that I heard in his voice.

Alex found me waiting for him in the wings once he was done in the workshop.

"Hi, you." He sighed and hugged me.

"Hi, darlin', you okay? You sounded kind of heated."

He rolled his eyes, "just good old scene shop, you know, we actually have to do our jobs, but, Christ the minute anyone asks them to do theirs it's the end of the freaking world."

"So, are they going to fix it?"

"Of course they are, I mentioned the words 'lawsuit'. Actors get pissy when they fall off of a dangerous set and break limbs, that's how carpenters get fired. So, yeah, it's gonna get fixed. Oh, and did I tell you we lost three members of the crew? I mean, they were just interns, but the school pulled them for a working theatre since we were off, it's going to take time to find replacements, which is fucking dumb because man, when I was in college I'd have jumped for the opportunity, so I actually have to work during shows for the next few weeks. I want a smoke, come outside with me?"

"After I make out with you." I kissed him in the curtains.

I let him tug at my hair and hitch a thigh around my hip, running a thumb across my nipple through my shirt. I pressed him hard against me, gripping a handful of that ass that had been bent over the stage all day. We got more passionate than was maybe appropriate considering that I had to now face the rest of our coworkers with a raging hard on that I could neither address nor conceal, but it was worth it for the few secret moments we got together.

"Alright, now we can go outside, hell even I want a smoke." I tried desperately to arrange my dick in a way that didn't make it feel swollen and miserable with every beat of my pulse and followed him out through the stage door.

Fans were waiting at the door with signs eagerly welcoming the show back after being closed. They cheered for us before realizing that they had no idea who we were.

"Hey, guys, just crew people, no one exciting is here yet, got about another hour." Alex pulled his badge out from his hoodie and slipped around the corner where we'd have at least some privacy, I looped my badge around my neck and walked with him, he lit a cigarette and let me take a drag.

I hugged him from behind and leaned us against the building with him in front of me, I rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Dude, it sucks that you're crew is down, are you guys gonna be able to manage with so few people?" I asked him.

He sighed, "yeah, we're gonna have to. Show must go on and all that bullshit. Thomas is pissed, of fucking course he is, but guess what, we still have shit to do. So, whatever, he's such a dick. And, you know what? I actually like doing scene changes... That rush that you always talk about? I think I get it when I'm doing scene changes, it's like boom, you're making this happen, but ugh, if you screw up... screwing up is the absolute worst, like please just run over me with these stairs."

I kissed the side of his head, "see, you get it."

He handed back his cigarette and I took a puff without moving my arms away from him.

"Did I tell you that you have a new best friend, by the way?" He chuckled.

"Oh, yeah?"

He nodded, "you are, and I quote, 'the most coolest dude who ever lived, maybe just next to Bruce Wayne,' so, that's a pretty glowing recommendation." He flicked his cigarette, ashes floated to the ground.

"It's because I don't have a Batmobile... People always like that fucker better than me." I grumbled playfully.

"Is it really the Batmobile? I was more thinking the mansion."

"Well, and you can't forget the old dude."

"Yeah, Alfred, I wish I had an Alfred... well, still second to Batman is pretty damned good. Which, oh, shit, what time is it?" he looked at his watch and pulled out his phone, seeing that it was after five.

"What?" I asked, wondering why he seemed so urgent as he dialed quickly.

He put his phone to his ear and the person he called answered quickly, he spoke to them rapidly, "hola, abuela, bueno... eh, es bueno, sí, voy a llegar un poco tarde. Sí, lo siento. Por favor. Gracias, uhuh, gracias..."

"Spanish, like for real?" I asked during the break in conversation, shocked.

Alex nodded, "hi, baby! Yup, show starts in a little over an hour. Of course I remembered to call you goober, do I ever forget? See? Yup. Dude, what did I tell you earlier? That's right, 'people have real lives and can't hang out all the time...' I know you did, I'll tell him... Yeah, I know he had fun, too... yes, he's a very cool dude... I know... Okay, I'll ask him... No, not right now... Be good for abuelita, got it? Okay... I love you, too, baby, I'll come give you snuggles when I get home... I know... bye, babe." He got off the phone and I worked my hardest not to grin from ear to ear.

"I had no idea you spoke Spanish like for real."

He shrugged, "Yeah, kind of hard not to, it's been around me my whole life. But more important that my linguistic abilities, I have a very serious question to ask you."

"What's that?" I cocked my head to the side.

He stomped out his cigarette and looked me dead in the eyes, "there is a wrong answer here... which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is the best?"

I scoffed at what an easy question this was, "Raph, duh."

"Oh, thank God," he wiped his brow, "I mean, if you were one of those weirdos who picked Donatello we couldn't keep going with this." he gestured between himself and me.

"Lemme guess, you're a Leo fan?"

He smirked, "do I wear it on my sleeve?"

"A little bit, and Philip likes Michelangelo?"

Alex smiled and nodded, I think it's just for the nunchucks, though. But , yeah, he wouldn't shut up about you on the phone... or this morning. I maybe don't even exist anymore. He's asked me three times today when he's going to see you again."

I grinned at him, "that's your call, I'm down any time. I had a lot of fun with you guys."

"Okay," he blew out a breath, "okay, this is good."

"You're the boss, darlin', you tell me when, I'll be there until you tell me to be somewhere else."

He nodded and hugged me.

"Should we get this show on the road?" I asked him.

He sighed, "yeah, probably. I'm gonna miss just calling cues in the booth with you."

"I know, me, too, but, hey, I'm definitely gonna check you out every time you're on stage."

"You know the goal is for me not to be seen, right?'

"How could I not see you? Sure we've got a star studded cast, but I'm only here for you, sugar... and the paycheck... and because I live here, but other than that, it's all you."

He leaned up and kissed me, his mouth smoky and feeling like home. We walked back around the building together, "so, your grandmother takes Philip while you're at work?"

He chuckled softly, "yeah, I mean, she's not really my abuela, but she practically raised me... after my dad left."

"Left?"

"Jail? Dead? Just bailed on me after my mom died? I dunno. I was a kid last time I saw him and when he went away, abuela just kind of took over. She's basically the whole neighbourhood's abuela, and I think she's lonely, mostly. She lives in our building and watches Philip and takes care of him, sometimes she leaves us home cooked meals in the fridge and freezer, she's got our backs... and she's way cheaper than any of my other childcare options. I don't know, I like knowing he's with family since I'm gone so much, and it's cool because she was there for me. I'm a sap for that kind of junk."

I nodded, "that's pretty cool," I couldn't help myself, "so, his mom just totally doesn't..."

"Nope, she hasn't seen him since she left the hospital, seven years ago, he was two days old. Her family's useless, too." He shrugged, not even seeming bitter, just... maybe sad for what she was mission out on.

I let it go and kissed him goodbye once we got into the theatre, we went our separate ways to do what we needed to do. My perch in the light booth felt good, like sitting at the helm of my Millennium Falcon. I communicated with my team over the headset and sat in the calm of pre-show, actors backstage doing their rituals with Lafayette, everyone ready to go, I switched to the emergency channel and sat quietly, listening for anyone.

"Alex?" I tested.

I said his name again.

Crackly over the headset came his voice with a chuckle, "thought I might find you here."

"Yup, here I am."

"Have a good show tonight."

"Yeah, you too, find me after? Before you go home?"

"I will."

I changed back over to the right channel and we got the show started, it went surprisingly smoothly considering we'd been away for a week. knowing Lafayette and Washington, they'd snuck at least one rehearsal in. My team hit all of their cues and I was delighted to see how wonderfully the new Overhead B worked. It may have taken an act of God, but dammit, I got my new light, and it was glorious. I watched Alex and his team pull the set on and take different pieces off throughout the show, his ability to be hidden and inconspicuous played to his favour. Thomas, on the other hand, stood out like a sore thumb, tall and awkward. I smirked.

Once the show was over and the patrons started to clear out I went down and found Alex, kissing him quickly, making it count since it was the last one I'd get until morning.

"You know the drill," he sighed.

"I know, go home to your boy. Tomorrow, come see your man." I held his hands.

"I can't tell you how much it means that you get it. That you get me. That you get him."

"I do." I kissed his cheek.

"Have a good night, John."

"You have a good night, too, and, hey, Raphael."

He nodded and saluted me, "Raphael."

"Night, darlin',"

He held out his thumb and pinky, waving his hand side to side, smirking, "cowabunga, dude."

I went back to my room and lie down on my shitty futon and started looking for apartments on my phone. I mean, if Alex could commute thirty minutes each day what was a little commute? Surely I'd saved up enough for something? I scrolled the listings, getting more annoyed with the cost of living. I made decent money, but I didn't make, New York money. Who the fuck actually made New York money? I found a few listings that looked promising, one that would only put me ten minutes away from Alex.

It was time to have a place, a real place, somewhere that I could have company, somewhere that Alex and Philip could come for dinner, or just to spend time together, or anything. Somewhere that I could have a real bed, like a mattress with box springs. I laughed to myself, wondering how things ended up like this.

Gay. Right. That'll do it. And the whole, following my dreams to the big city thing. Both of those factors set me up for right where I was, sore back in a tiny, dark greenroom.

My phone buzzed and I clicked away from the browser over to my text messages.

**Dude. What have you done to us? I get home, kiss Pip goodnight like I do every single night since he was a baby, and what do I hear? "Hi, daddy, what's Mr. John's favourite Ninja Turtle?" Didn't even open his eyes.**

I giggled to myself.

**Well? Does he approve?**

**I don't know, he was snoring again before I could even answer.**

**LOL, goodnight sugar.**

**Night.**

I plugged in my phone and fell asleep, still happy that Philip liked me, happy to see his approval wearing Alex's trepidation down.


	14. Chapter 14

Everything was Alex, warm and soft in my arms, his hands tucked up against my chest, coffee and cigarettes, the way he sounded when he slept; breathing deeply, little noises smacking his lips, mumbling. How his goatee would tickle my bare neck, how close he'd snuggle me when he got cold through the night.

I grumbled and rolled over, being as dramatic as possible for only myself,  _I'll take my Tony now. Fuck empty beds._ Fuck any bed without Alex. Fuck Alex in any bed?  _No, brain._ My cold, shitty futon was just depressing, metal bars digging at my hits and ribs through the lumpy mattress. The perfect amount of vacant space for him beside me, cold and unused.

It was so late. I knew he never slept, but I didn't want to bother him from whatever he was doing… and I didn't want to seem as pathetic as I was. I fluffed my pillow, releasing more of his smell and breathed deeply, trying my hardest to go to sleep.

Eventually sleep came, I woke up to my alarm, completely exhausted and got up. I texted Alex and let him know that I was running to the corner store and offered to get him something and that my door was unlocked. He responded that he was fine. I got him a Red Bull anyway,  _I mean, two for five dollars is a pretty good deal._ I walked back to the theatre drinking my own Red Bull thanking God for caffeine.

In my room I found my lamp on, Alex sleeping on my futon, knees up to his chest, shoes discarded on the floor.  _How did he do that so quickly?_

I tucked in next to him and kissed him softly, he stirred and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in tight. I hummed a little moan and fell asleep, everything was right for an hour. Everything was Alex.

He startled in my arms at the alarm. I turned it off quickly and soothed him. He stretched and scrubbed at his face. I bent my neck down and kissed his lips. He stayed in my arms, refusing to get up as much as I was. I stroked his cheek, smiling at the high point on his cheek he'd missed shaving.

We both finally drug ourselves into a sitting position, I handed him his Red Bull and finished my own. He smiled at me and leaned over on my shoulder. I finally got dressed for real and we parted ways, promising to see each other after the show.

I talked to my team, wanting to get some of our cues a little more spot on. The spot was shaky at the performance the night before and some of the transitions were off. They took my feedback. I was grateful to have a decent team, unlike poor Alex stuck with Thomas down on stage.

From my light booth, I diligently ran cues during the show, the full blackout went perfectly during the first act, scenery appeared,  _I hated that cue, I couldn't see Alex at all and he was on stage for like ten full seconds._ The spot guy was on it tonight, from my booth I cheered as my guys executed each cue with precision. Somehow, I still found time to giggle at what a dipshit Thomas was, though. I watched Stage Left be late for two cues, sure that if I tuned into the stage manager channel I'd hear Alex, or at very least Lafayette berating him.  _Tempting._

After the show he came up to my booth and just held me, arms around my waist, head against my chest. I rubbed his back and kissed his head. After a few minutes like that he sighed and spoke.

"Alright, gotta go."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, sweetheart." He squeezed me and drug himself away.

I spent another lonely night on my futon, at least exhausted enough to fall asleep this time. In the morning I would pretend that all my dreams weren't of him, but while I slept he got to be all-consuming.

The knock at my door woke me and I sleepily let Alex in. He sat a bagel on my mini fridge for me and curled up to me. We napped. It was exactly the hour of my day that I looked forward to. I relished every moment I got with him. Holding him so tightly, he pressed tiny kisses to my naked chest as he fell asleep.

Our routine was back in full swing, yet somehow it served to make me more nostalgic for the week that we'd spent together. I joined Alex outside for a cigarette.

"Hey, so, Pip still won't shut up about you. I… this is silly, just getting you for an hour, so I'm gonna be really dumb. Okay, so, me and Philip always do Sunday dinner together, it's like a thing, there's not usually a night show on Sundays. So yeah, we, anyway, um, would like to invite you to join us on Sunday if you're free." He took a long drag off his cigarette.

"Really?" I could feel my eyes light up.

"Absolutely. I told you… I'm all or nothing. Welcome to the 'all' stage of Alexander Hamilton."

I hugged him and kissed his temple, "I think I'm going to like it here."

"I sure hope so. I'm trusting you, man. No pressure, but don't fuck up, I can't do it to Philip… not again."

"Nah, you're stuck with me… both of you."

He swallowed and nodded, "I sure hope so."

"Thank you."

"Thank Philip, it's all because he won't give me any peace. Every goddamn day he talks about you, and I'm like, 'dude, yeah, he's awesome, I know,' and then every night when I go in to tuck him in once I get home he's like, 'yo, did you see Mr. John? He's the best, when can he come over?' Like, Jeez, okay, I get it. So, yeah, I lost the war of attrition to my seven year old, but I think some of the blame goes to you. There are other people it would be a lot easier to turn down."

I kissed him again, "well, I'll tell him when I see him on Sunday."

He winked at me, "you do that."

"Until then, we've got a show to do."

The show and all the rest for the week went well. I grew more and more excited as Sunday drew near. I wondered what it would be like, if it would be a repeat of when we'd picked him up or completely different without him strung out from the excitement with camp. I wondered how much Alex had told him about our relationship, if he knew I was Alex's boyfriend or if we were just colleagues or friends.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Lafayette in my booth, his arms were folded, he was annoyed.

"Problem?" I looked at him.

He rolled his eyes and seethed, "Thomas's attitude. He's my cousin, I try to be helpful with giving him a job and he just slacks and has the worst attitude, nothing is ever his fault, what am I supposed to do? Can I fire him? Should I? I don't even know what to do anymore."

Lafayette rubbed his temples.

"Well, I mean, if he's not doing his job…"

"He is my family, he may be a jerk, but family should mean  _something,_ right?"

"I guess so? I don't know what you want my answer to be here, Laf."

"Neither do I. What do I do? I know that he drives Alexander up a wall-" he gasped, "-Alexander! I forgot, how is your little tryst going?"

"It's… not a tryst… mostly. It's going very well, though, thank you."

Lafayette quirked an eyebrow, casting aside his problems, "go on."

"Ugh, Laf, he's amazing. His kid is amazing. Just everything."

"So you know about Philip." Lafayette looked taken aback.

I nodded, "yeah, I met him last week."

"You met him? Oh, my, this  _is_  serious

"See? I told you. Laf, I'm totally falling for him."

"I can tell."

"Yeah, anyways, how about your Hercules situation?"

Lafayette blushed and swallowed, "I know this may be a foreign concept to you, John, but  _some_ people can just have casual sex."

"No, I know that, you're just not one of them."

He growled moodily, rolled his eyes and left my booth, looking the picture of sexual frustration.

Another night alone in bed, Alex's goodnight kiss still warm on my lips. I lie down in bed and thought through a million different scenarios with Alex in my mind, playing out as many conversations.

Could this really be it? Could this really be the good life that I'd been holding out hope for? That I never thought I'd get. Could Alex and I really be that good? I ran situations over and over and over. Most of them ending with '...and then Lafayette fires Thomas.'

I hadn't had any luck with the apartment hunt, apparently not wanting bed bugs and not having a rental history made me too picky. I'd live in this damn theatre for the rest of my life. At least it was free. I tried to think about next steps that I could take, but words like 'establishing credit' kept making my brain want to give up on everything, so it rebelled against me and went back to Alex and Philip.

I thought about the first pictures I'd seen of him, he and Alex eating Sour Patch Kids on the couch together, before he was a real person, hell, honestly before Alex was either. I knew Philip was amazing, I'd heard the way that Alex talked about him, seen what even the mere mention of Philip did to his face. How could I not love the kid? Especially with how much Alex loved him… and how much I loved Alex. It was a package, a BOGO bundle deal. I fell asleep grinning about the ideas in my mind.

Alex didn't come in for a nap, he rarely did on Saturdays, spending as much of the morning as he could with Philip. I got it, how could you not want to spend just a few more minutes together? I already was chomping at the bit to see him again and we didn't even know each other. The tedium of my time away from Alex drew nearer and nearer and I grew more and more elated.

I watched the matinee and cued my team through the show, watching Alex, the act one blackout still saw Alex's team get things done and disappear, Thomas was still on stage when my team lit the stage for the next song. I giggled to myself. God, he sucks at everything. I thought about it, though. He does suck at everything. That's why he wanted to feel powerful by making Alex miserable, maybe if he could just suck less at everything I wouldn't be trying to hold Alex together like one of my old broken lights with zip ties and gaff tape and prayer. My eyes pricked and even though I understood him, I still hated him even more.

The more I got to know Alex, the more I saw who he really was, that there was a confidence, almost cockiness, sureness of himself that hadn't been there for a long time, that he seemed almost afraid to let out. That was on Thomas, I was sure of it. And I hated him for it. I hoped that the longer he was away from Thomas the more him glow would come out. I didn't really know what it was like, but I knew it wasn't the kicked puppy that I'd met. He was so much more than that. I knew he could be so much more than that again.

During the break Alex came and found me and we went to a deli around the corner and got some lunch. I could tell how exhausted he was.

"You alright, sugar?"

He took a bite of his sandwich and nodded, eyes blinking slowly. He swallowed, "didn't really sleep last night."

"At all? Alex…" I leaned forward over the table and took his hand.

"Like an hour or two, I was doing stuff."

"Darlin', you're gonna burn yourself out. Bet you'd get sick less if you slept sometimes."

"I get my naps with you."

I rolled my eyes, "that's not real sleep."

He chuckled, "sweetheart, it's the most real sleep I ever get."

I frowned at him, wishing he'd take care of himself.


	15. Chapter 15

Alex pulled the pan of enchiladas - a fridge gift courtesy of his abuela - out of the oven and set the pan on the stove top, dishing out a small portion along with some rice, putting it in the in the fridge. He served up two more plates and set them on the dining table. I stood there, wanting to help somehow. I'd already set the table.

"You drink Sam Adams, right?" He asked.

"I drink… um, yeah."

"Oh, good, I thought I 'mind-palaced' that, picked some up at the bodega."

I smiled, "thank you."

He nodded and fixed himself a rum and coke, got Philip's plate out of the fridge, tossed a couple of baby carrots from a bag in the fridge onto the little plate, opened a beer for me, stabbed open a Capri Sun and managed to effortlessly carry all of it to the table. I watched this happen in awe and sat at the table. He set everything down and took his seat.

Philip took Alex's waiting hand, no stranger to religion, I understood, but was surprised to see Alex take on a tradition of grace. I was even more surprised at what came next, no bowing heads, closed eyes, fire or brimstone.

I watched Alex run his thumb over the back of his boys hand as he looked into his eyes, "hey, I'm really proud of you for all of the new things you tried at camp. This week we're gonna start getting on schedule for school to start up again and I want to finish watching Monsters Inc. with you. I'm grateful that you're healthy and smart. I love you a whole lot. You're my best guy."

I tried to figure out what the ritual was as Philip spoke, "I'm proud of you for being my daddy and making me food for my tummy and working at the theatre 'cause you had to fix some broke stuff. I want to make a fort with you this week. I'm grateful that Mr. John gets to have Sunday dinner with us and love you a whole lot. You're my best daddy ever."

Alex winked, "love you, kid."

"Do we do one for Mr. John?" Philip whispered.

"He might be too weirded out by us." Alex grinned at me.

"No, no, I'm not, I think I get it?" I was still trying to understand.

"So, every Sunday when we have our dinner we just kind of check in and regroup and plan things out, say something we're proud of, and kind of what's on for the coming week, what we want to make sure we do together, something we're grateful for, and that we love each other. I used to just do it with Philip, but then he started, too."

I nodded, "okay, yeah, I get it."

Philip took my hand in both of his, "I'm proud of you 'cause you drive a car, I want to go to a park with you and my daddy, I'm grateful for having my toys so we can play. I kind of love you, but I don't really know you."

"Okay, let me try, I'm proud of you for being such a compassionate, smart kid, I will totally go to the park if you guys want, I'm grateful that I got to meet you this week, and I like you bunches."

"That was pretty good!" Philip nodded, "daddy, are you gonna do one?"

Alex grinned at me and Philip let him take my hands, reaching carefully around our plates, "I'm proud of you for getting the show back on so quickly, I know how much work went in to setting the lights. I would love for you to come to the park with me and Pip. I'm grateful that Lafayette booked your theatre for this show," he ran his thumbs over the back of my hands and stared deeply at me, his brown eyes dizzying, "and… I love you."

Philip's crunching on a baby carrot kept me grounded in real life. Alex broke the seal, we got to love each other out loud.

I cleared my throat and licked my lips, "I'm proud of you for working on a team even when other people make it difficult. I want to, um, yup, the, uh, the park. I'm grateful that you trust me, and I love you, too."

He smiled and squeezed my hands before letting them go. We tucked into our dinners and I worked to keep from grinning cheesily.

"Daddy, you said you and John are boyfriends, right?"

Alex stuck a forkful of enchilada in his mouth and nodded, "mhm."

_Noted._

Philip chewed his enchilada, deep in thought, "so we get to see him a lot?"

"That's the plan. Okay with you?" Alex asked him.

"Yeah! 'Cause he's really good at playing," he turned his attention to me, "are you gonna have sleepovers? Sometimes Thomas would have sleepovers with my daddy."

I took a drink of beer and cleared my throat, choking on rice, I looked at Alex flushing bright red, and managed to not choke to death.

"Hey, Pip, how about you eat your food and we can worry about all of that later?" Alex suggested, wiping his mouth with a paper towel, I thought mostly to hide the blush and give his hands something to do.

"Okay." Philip groaned and ate a bite of rice.

After dinner I helped Alex with the dishes, he paused and stood, listening, not unlike a meerkat, he decided the coast was clear and kissed me hard. I kissed him back, setting the dirty forks in my hands back in the sink before wrapping my arm around him.

I pulled away from our kiss and took his cheeks in my hands, "hey, I love you."

He grinned at me, "I love you, too,"

Alex turned back to the dishes.

"I've loved you for a minute or two now." I whispered in his ear, pinning him against the sink. I nipped at his ear and kissed the back of his neck.

He shuddered and leaned against me, "Jack." He whispered.

I pulled at his hip with my hand, grinding him against me and he set the dirty plastic plate in his hand down. With my free hand I gripped his bun and pulled his head back, he panted as I kissed his neck, "goddamn do I love you, darlin'."

"I'm so hard right, dammit. How do you do this to me?"

He heard the footsteps in the hall before I did and went cleared his throat, picking up Philip's dirty plate again and sticking it into the dishwasher. I backed away from Alex and handed him some dirty silverware. Philip walked into the kitchen.

"Whatcha doin'?" He asked.

Alex ran a hand over the back of his neck, coming down from the rush of us being all over each other moments earlier, "dishes."

"Boring! John, can we play?"

"Sorry, Alex, my people need me." I wiped my hands on a towel and followed Philip to his room.

Legos were spilled out across the floor. I carefully avoided stepping on them and found a mostly clear spot on the floor to sit. Philip sat across from me.

"What are we making?" I asked.

"A castle for dinosaurs." He told me matter of factly.

"Oh, dope, let's do it."

We worked together to build a castle, he corrected my colour order of lego bricks, eventually Alex joined us, sitting on Philip's unmade bed.

"What are you guys making?" He asked.

Philip and I responded in unison, "a castle for dinosaurs."

"Obviously," Alex mocked shock at ever questioning us and stretched out on Philip's bed to watch.

"You care to join us?" I patted the floor next to me.

"Nope, you seem to have this one under control." He tossed the Batman blanket over himself and played on his phone, glancing at us occasionally.

Philip was finally satisfied with our castle and set one of his dinosaurs in it, its head sticking out of the open rectangle.  _Perfect._  He launched himself at Alex who grabbed him in a hug.

"I wanna watch a movie with you, daddy."

"Yeah, what do you wanna watch?"

"Lion King!"

"Keeping it old school." I smirked.

"Can you stay and watch with us?" He pleaded.

"John, you don't have to." Alex told me.

"No, it's fine, I'd love to stay."

"Yay!" Philip cheered.

Alex sat up and stretched, "but, hey, listen, first you need to do jammies and teeth brushed, okay?"

"Okay." Philip groaned.

"And, hey, use toothpaste for God's sake, will you?"

"Okay!" Philip made a face and grumbled on his way to the bathroom.

"Being a dad is super fun." Alex rolled his eyes.

I grinned and pecked his lips. He stood up and took Philip's comforter out to the living room and set up the movie. I stared at the comforter, "see, I'm never gonna beat this guy, no one's got my face on a blanket."

"I'd put your face on a blanket," Alex reassured me.

"Please don't, that would be weird."

He chuckled and disappeared into the kitchen, "you want another beer?"

"Yeah, sure."

He brought me my beer, along with his own drink, "drinking and Disney movies, where have you been all my life."

He grinned and Philip joined us in flannel footie pajamas covered in robots.

"Dude, aren't you gonna be hot?" I asked him.

"Mm mm," he shook his head and tuck himself under Alex's arm, "it's cold."

"Trust me, the footies are really for me, this kid crawls in my bed in the middle of the night with the coldest feet in the universe and shoves 'em any warm place he can find,  _any warm place,_ with the tact of a water buffalo," Alex covered them both up with the blanket, laughing.

"You're both lizard people! What is this?"

"Daddy, we're lizards!" Philip giggled.

Alex flicked his tongue out at Philip who repeated the action, roaring with laughter.

"Daddy makes me warm, so I'll be okay," Philip told me, cuddling farther into Alex, "maybe you can make him be warm?"

"Out of the mouths of babes." Alex smirked and snuggled under my arm.

"See! Daddy, now you'll be warm."

"Good looking out, Pip." Alex told him, high fiving his son.

We watched the movie, Philip asleep by the elephant graveyard.

"You have the best wingman." I whispered to Alex, still holding him.

"Don't I, though?"

"It's amazing, really." I sipped my beer.

"Let me get my second in bed and then I'll come hang out with you."

"'Your second'? Is this a duel or something?"

"God, I love that you understand references to antiquated arranged combat, the Code Duello was my shit in college, and I mean, it could be, we'd win." He whispered

"Darlin', you forget just how southern I am, dueling is totally a thing... Yeah, you probably would win. I mean, you're too fine, I'd get all distracted staring and forget to shoot you." I smirked at him as he scooped up Philip, blankets and all and carried him to bed, shushing him.

He looked like a tiny baby in Alex's arms, wrapped in the blankets. I wondered what Philip was like when he was little, he was so smart and funny now, what would he have been like at three?

Alex came back to the living room and snuggled up with me. I welcomed him with open arms and kissed him.

"I had the best time tonight." I told him.

"Yeah?" He smiled hesitantly.

I nodded, "absolutely. I love Philip already, God he's cool."

Alex grinned, "he's a pretty neat kid. I'm so lucky."

"You know it's because of you that he's like that, right?"

He shrugged.

"I love you."

Alex wrinkled up his face, "yeah, I love you, too."

"I just like saying it," I straddled him on the couch, kissing him between words, "I love you, Alex Hamilton. I love you, I love you."

His hands crawled under my shirt, kissed him harder, my dick twitching at our proximity, "you wanna take this to my bedroom?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

We went to his room and I heard the knob lock click, once Alex had the door shut. I stripped and got in his - comfortable, mattress on box springs, covered in a sheet - bed, waiting for him, he turned on the lamp and I noticed his keyboard set up on his desk, pages of half pencil-filled sheet music scattered around. I smirked at this and watched him get naked.

He crawled on top of me and I pulled the blankets over us while he kissed me, hard, needy. I moaned into his open mouth and ran my hands over his body. He rutted against me, grinding our bodies together while he kissed me.

The next hour was a blur of sensation, mouths, fingers, hot breath, rising goosebumps, warmth, hands clapped over mouths to silence moans; all of it leading up to him underneath me, mouth parted, eyes staring up at me as I entered him slowly. I cupped his cheek and smoothed the creases away from his forehead.

I went even slower, wanting anything but to hurt him, I stroked his open thighs, "just relax, darlin', I've gotcha. You're okay."

He nodded and took a deep breath, his body relaxing slightly, I pressed deeper and he gripped my shoulders, his pained look turned to pleasure and I pressed even farther. Alex let out a rasp and grinned. I bent over him, putting weight on one elbow and reaching between us for his dick with the other. He gasped at the sensation.

"I don't know if I can come again, three's kind of my limit. I'm an old man now." He chuckled as I worked him in time with my thrusts.

"I'm very determined."

His body shuddered underneath me and he pushed my hand away, "too much, babe, too much." He panted softly, I could see the overstimulation on his face.

I worked instead on finding his prostate with my thrusts, satisfied when he yelped and threw his head back. I shoved my fingers in his open mouth and dropped my head against his ear, "you have to be quiet."

He sucked at my fingers and nodded. I'm sure my eyes glazed watching him, cheeks hollowed, my index and little finger on either side of his face as he ran his tongue over the pads of my fingers.

"Alex, oh, God, you're so… fuck, babe, you…" I couldn't find the words, his body tight, eyes doey. I lost myself, biting his shoulder to keep myself quiet.

He pressed his lips around a moan at the sensation of my teeth, and I felt him clench around my dick as my orgasm flexed through it. I pushed up on my elbows, seeing little white dots impressed upon his shoulder where my teeth had been and licked the skin that was already purpling.

"Sorry."

"I liked it." He blushed.

I pulled out and threw my condom in the trash, "what do you know, my baby does have some kink."

"Maybe just a little." He hid his face in the blankets.

"It's hot." I reassured him, coming back to hold him.

Alex curled against me and closed his eyes. I scrolled through reddit, trying to keep myself awake, knowing I couldn't stay. Everything in me told me to, to sleep by his side, with him in my arms where he belonged. I blinked to keep the sleepy grit out of my eyes. He hummed softly against me, curling up into the position he always fell asleep in. I kissed his nose.

"Sugar, I better get going." I told him softly.

"Yeah, I know. Text me when you're home. I hate knowing you're out late with so far to go." He became alert, seeming completely awake from the promise of my absence.

"You can go to sleep." I smiled, getting dressed.

"Nah, I've got shit to do," he scrubbed at his face, putting on sweatpants and throwing on his Wicked hoodie, leaving it open on his bare chest. I stared at how perfect he was.

"God, I love you." I trailed my fingers down the exposed strip of his body.

"I love you too, Jack." He hugged me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey! I'm back! To everyone who has continued to read and comment in the drought since my last update, thank you so much for your kindness. I hope that you enjoy!**

* * *

 

Alex was already sleeping by the time I slipped into bed after putting Philip down for the night. It was a fitful sleep. He was sticky with sweat and whimpering. I wrapped myself around him and pushed his stringy hair back. 

 

“Shh, darlin’, I’m here.” I cooed to him. 

 

His dreams were always worse when he was sick. 

 

Alex groaned and rolled into my side, I was still awake… awake again… something like that. 

 

It was a long night up with Alex. The antibiotics started to work and his fever broke with the rising sun. 

 

“Hi, sugar.” I yawned when he finally opened his eyes. For the first time in two days they weren’t glassy. 

 

“Hi, sweetheart.” He smiled up at me.

 

The stubble on his cheeks was filling in, he looked pretty rough, hair barely still in its tie, looking like a cut Flintstones character. 

 

“How are you feeling.” 

 

“Way better. Thanks for everything. Is Pip still asleep?” 

 

I nodded and yawned again. 

 

“You wanna mess around a little bit?” he winked at me.

 

“After you take a shower?” I smiled lopsidedly at him. 

 

“Good point. I’m pretty gross right now, huh?” 

 

I kissed his forehead, “a little bit, yeah. How about I come join you in that shower, though?” 

 

“I’d love that.” 

 

He was still moving slowly, I looked in on Philip who still slept peacefully - if not diagonally - as we crossed the hallway to the bathroom and shut the door behind us.

 

Alex peeled off his pajamas slowly and then let the rest of his hair out of the band that held it. He looked at himself in the mirror and groaned. 

 

“I look like death.” 

 

“You at least look like death warmed over.” I countered and kissed his shoulder. 

 

I heated the shower for us and we stepped in, careful to avoid a rubber duck and Batman on the tub floor. He moaned at the warmth of the mist and leaned against my chest. 

 

“That feel good?” I asked him.

 

“So good. How do you put up with me?” 

 

“Because I love you.” I smiled down at him. 

 

“I suppose there’s that.” He stood himself back up and washed his hair, groaning in delight at how good it felt. 

 

We traded places so that I could start washing my own hair and caught him admiring me once I finally opened my eyes back up. 

 

“I love you, too.” He told me. 

 

“I know,” I grinned and blew water away from my face, “now come here and let me fix your face.” 

 

I squirted shaving cream into my palm and brushed it over his cheeks and then delicately took his razor to them, instructing him when to tighten his cheek with his tongue, I was careful to frame his goatee, shoring up the edges. 

 

“Beautiful.” I wiped the remnants of the foam away with a cloth and kissed him. 

 

“Thank you, love.” He kissed me a second time, leaning into me and deepening the kiss. 

 

The door swung open and we hissed giggles into each others mouths. 

 

“Daddy? Papi?” Philip called out.

 

“We’re in here, baby.” Alex poked his head around the curtain. 

 

“I got a little scared because I couldn’t find you. Wait, papi is in there, too?” 

 

I poked my head around the other end of the curtain, “morning, turtle.” 

 

“Why are you both in there? Do... I need to get in there, too?” His hair was still set in the little braids I’d plaited last night. 

 

Alex stammered and I quickly recovered us, “daddy’s just a little weak on his feet from being really sick, but he was getting stinky so I’m helping him take a shower. Go hang out and then I’ll fix you some breakfast, okay?” 

 

“Okay, papi! I’m glad you’re cleaning up daddy, he was getting really stinky.” He left the door open and scampered away. 

 

“I wasn’t  _ that smelly. _ ” Alex argued and I stared at him with a smile playing on my lips, “oh, fine, but don’t think that I didn’t catch that Rent reference,  _ just a little weak on my feet _ , huh?” 

 

“I know I’ve seen you out and about… when I used to go out.” I kissed him. 

 

“We’re so gonna screw our kid up.” My heart stuttered at hearing him refer to Philip, his flesh and blood as our kid. 

 

“Isn’t that kind of the goal of parenting?” 

 

“I guess so. Hopefully he ends up with a good job and can afford nice insurance to pay for all of the therapy he’s going to need.”

 

“I’m sure his rich uncle will help.”

 

“Please, sweetheart, there is no rich unc- wait a minute… you’re talking about Laf, aren’t you?” 

 

I smirked at him and we both fell apart laughing. We showered and rubbed soap across each other’s shoulders, but I could see how tired he was getting and helped him back out of the tub. We dried off and then wrapped the towels around our waists and went back to our room to dress ourselves. 

 

“Go to bed, babe, I’ll bring you some breakfast.” I kissed Alex on the cheek. 

 

“Daddies, are you done with your shower?” Philip asked. 

 

“Yeah, baby.” Alex announced, welcoming him into our room before curling back in bed. 

 

Philip carried two bowls carefully, still sloshing milk on the hardwood floors, “I made breakfast!” 

 

He handed us the two soggiest bowls of frosted flakes that the world had ever seen and grinned widely, his little freckles standing out on his cheeks, emphasizing his grin.

 

“Would you look at that, ‘Lex, breakfast in bed.” I commented and took a bite of the mush, swallowing hard and forcing a smile.

 

“Wow! Thank you so much, Pip.” Alex tugged at one of Philip’s braids. 

 

“I wanted to help Papi, ‘cause he had to do everything.” 

 

“That’s pretty sweet of you, turtle,” I told him, “what about your breakfast?”

 

He rolled his eyes, “oh, please, papi, it’s already in my belly.” He patted his stomach for extra impact. 

 

Alex and I made our way through the frosted flake mush and I took our bowls into the kitchen where I was met with a mess for the ages. 

 

“The milk was pretty heavy, papi.” Philip said matter of factly. 

 

I sighed and nodded, getting the rag that hung over the sink. 

 

Philip shifted his weight from one foot to the other, “papi, are you mad at me?” 

 

I smiled at him, “no, turtle, I'm just tired.”

 

“I just wanted to help.”

 

“You were a big help! Thank you for breakfast.”

 

He nodded but still looked nervous, “I just wanted to be helpful.”

 

“You were, buddy.” 

 

I finished wiping up the milk and then picked up the cereal that had scattered through the kitchen and did the dishes. 

 

“Should I do my Christmas break homework?” Philip asked me. 

 

“That’s probably not the worst plan. Do you need help?” 

 

“Not yet. I just have to read a book.” 

 

I nodded and my ears pricked up to the bedroom, I heard Alex’s voice, low and heated, swearing. The sound was alarming, my feet carried me instinctively to our room. He was on his phone, leaning up in bed on an elbow, his lips pulled back in a snarl, he still looked sick, but now his sickness had been taken over by ferality.

 

“I want nothing to do with you, you’re a burden and an inconvenience, as far as my child knows you don’t exist. I’m keeping it that way. Whatever handouts or flophouse you’re looking for, they’re going to have to come from somewhere else…”

 

I wondered if this was Philip’s mother and leaned against the doorframe, listening to the rest of the conversation, trying to put pieces together. 

 

“No, don’t fucking pretend you called to wish me a happy birthday. Don’t call me son… Fuck that, certainly don’t assume the guise of calling to wish him a happy birthday.  _ Don’t call me son.  _ That’s bullshit… No… don’t call me again, you aren’t wanted… you’re despised. Call me son one more time!” His voice echoed like a baseball cracking against a bat and I shuddered, I’d never heard him sound like that. 

 

He spat another ‘fuck you’ and then hung up the phone. I crossed the room to sit beside him, Philip peeked around the door. 

 

“It’s okay, Pip, I’m sorry I lost my temper.” He dropped his head into his hands. 

 

“It’s okay, daddy. I’m gonna finish my homework.” Pip’s eyes were wide. 

 

“Babe… what was that?” I asked, pulling Alex against me.

 

“My father…” 

 

“I thought you didn’t have contact with him.” 

 

“I don’t… somehow he finds me sometimes. I don’t get it. It’s a small neighbourhood, so I’m sure someone he stays in touch with gave him my info.” 

 

“I’m sorry, darlin’,”

 

“It’s fine, I just don’t want him knowing so much about my kid. I’m sure he’s just gotten back out of jail and was trying to get money or a place to stay out of me. I can’t have my son around that. Are you kidding me? We’re up against so many odds as it is, hispanic, poor, gay, teen parent, single parent… until now, I mean, I can’t fucking add him to the mix. I know how bad the kids already are to Pip. There’s no way I’m going to volunteer to exacerbate this. I can’t give him a harder time. Everything that I do I do to protect him.”

 

I thought back to when our relationship was new, hell, it still is, but back before I even knew about Philip, “I know.” 

 

“This fucking sucks.” He leaned against me. 

 

“I know it does, but, hey, are you feeling any better?”

 

He nodded, “I’ll be fine for work tomorrow.” 

 

I frowned at him, “are you sure?” 

 

“Oh, yeah, this shit never lasts too long once the antibiotics kick in.” 

 

“How did you get so sick in the first place… I’ll never understand.” 

 

“Because I was a child and my mom died and I was left alone in an apartment without heat and there wasn’t any food in the house and I couldn’t take care of myself and I was in an apartment with a dead body and that’s just kind of what happens.” 

 

He hadn’t told me that much before, “Jesus. Where the fuck was your father?” 

 

“He was out on a bender. I’m pretty sure that I have a half brother, James, I think, but who knows, he could have a whole different life that I know nothing about, and, frankly, I want nothing to do with it.” 

 

“Jeez, babe.” I smoothed his hair back. 

 

“At least your dad doesn’t call.” He said it with tears in his eyes, wishing for a situation like mine, but it still stung, I stared out the window. 

 

“Sorry, Jack… I didn’t mean it like that.” 

 

“No, you’re right. I’m better off. Just wish that I could have done more for my siblings before I left. I’ll always feel selfish.” 

 

“Jack, babe, no, you’re the least selfish person I’ve ever known. You were kicked out, you had to do what was right for you.” 

 

“I know… I mean…  _ I know…  _ but still… without me and mom there, I don’t know what he’s like around the other kids. They weren’t… strong like me.” 

 

“You’re so strong, John. You’re the strongest man that I know.”

 

My thoughts were on my siblings, I hadn’t talked to them for a long time. I wondered if my littlest sister would even remember me. 

 

“My mom was a good person, you know.” I felt like I had to justify myself. 

 

“It sounds like she was.”

 

“My siblings, they’re good people, too.”

 

“I believe you.” 

 

“It’s just my dad that’s a piece of shit.” 

 

“I know he is. I’ve seen the scars.” 

 

I nodded, “those are only the ones that you can see.” 

 

“I know, lover, I know.” 

 

I wiped a few streaky tears off of my face, “but it’s okay, I have a real family now. I have you guys, that’s all I really need. I got my happiness, more than I deserve.” 

 

“You deserve all of it and more.” 

 

I smiled, but could only muster cooperation from half of my mouth, “you need anything?” 

 

“Nah, I’m good.” 

 

“I think I need to sketch for a while.” 

 

“Okay, wouldn’t… wouldn’t hurt for me to work on this damned musical.” 

 

“I love you, Alex.”

 

“Love you, too, John.” He pecked me on the lips and we went to seek comfort in our different outlets. 

 

I worked on a long forgotten sketch of my sister, Martha. I hoped that the kids were okay. I honestly hoped that the old son of a bitch was dead. I figured that I would have heard something by now if he was, but it didn’t make me wish it any less. 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Alex jolted awake in my arms to the sound of his alarm and reached over me for his phone, I heard him kiss Philip's cheek and forced myself to open my eyes when he kissed me.

He cleared his throat, "morning."

"Morning, sugar."

He rubbed Philip's shoulder briskly, "up, up, Pip."

The boy shook his head and yanked the covers up. I rolled out of bed to let Alex up, he shuffled to the bathroom and I rummaged in my bag for my clothes, going into the bathroom once he'd vacated it in search of coffee. The smell of coffee filled the apartment, I washed my face and got dressed in the bathroom. Once I was finished I saw Alex back in his bedroom, the overhead lights on, shaking Philip. I leaned in the doorframe and watched.

"Come on, babe, gotta go."

"No…" Philip whimpered.

"Froot Loops or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

"No… Sleepy."

"Sorry, babe, not an option, let's roll."

"No, daddy."

"I'm gonna go get your clothes, want you up when I get back."

"No," he mumbled in a tiny, pathetic voice, "Froot Loops..."

Alex kissed me as he scooted through the doorframe.

"Can I help?" I volunteered.

"Um, you wanna make him a bowl of Froot Loops? Help yourself to whatever."

"On it, you want anything?"

He shook his head and I went to the kitchen, remembering mostly where everything was.

I made a bowl of cereal for Philip and one for myself, not one to turn down free food. I listened to Alex in Philip's dresser, finding clothes for the day.

"What's it like outside?"

I stepped out to the fire escape, feeling the weather, then reporting back, "kind of gloomy."

"Thank you!" he padded back to his room, still in his boxers and sweatshirt, "come on, up!"

Mumbling from Philip.

"Pip, let's go!"

More mumbles.

I finished my bowl of cereal and added it to the dishwasher.

Alex emerged, now dressed in black jeans and a new hoodie, Vans on his feet. Philip shuffled out behind him in a long sleeved t-shirt and jeans with sneakers adorned to his feet, lighting up with each step, a mockery of his tired disposition. He flopped into his chair at the dining table and leaned on his arm, hand on his spoon, half-heartedly stirring his cereal.

Alex kissed his head, "need you to actually eat, boo."

Philip grumbled pathetically and ate a spoonful of cereal, dripping milk on his jeans.

"Sit up, love." Alex patted his back.

The boy sat up in his seat, still leaning on the heel of his hand.

"Hamiltons out in five!" Alex snapped his fingers, "laundry, snack, more coffee, start dishwasher, don't forget grocery list, no time for groceries, oh well, figure that out later." He mumbled to himself, moving through the apartment at breakneck speed, he scooched past me with a basket of laundry on his hip and opened the door off the kitchen.

"Whoa, you have laundry right here?"

"Yup, whole extra hundred dollars a month," he told me, checking the pockets on a pair of Philip's jeans, "it's worth it though. I hope you're eating, we're out in three! Ever wrangle a baby carrier and laundry up ten flights of stairs?"

"Nope," I shook my head.

"Fuckin' terrible." He cranked the washer to the right setting.

"Dude, I can only imagine."

"You know how much dirty laundry babies make? Or, Christ, toddlers?"

I shuddered at the thought as Alex got together snacks for Philip's day.

"I was doing a hundred bucks in laundry anyways." He re-filled his thermos of coffee and poured detergent into the dishwasher, starting it.

"Alright, we out!" Philip set his half eaten cereal in the sink and shuffled with zombie-like quality to the door.

Alex locked up behind us and we made it to the second floor, dropped Philip off with his abuela.

Down two more flights of stairs, down the block, down the escalator, swiped metro passes, empty seat on the A. He guzzled his coffee, the go go go demeanor fading back to one of exhaustion as he slumped on my shoulder. It was just passed seven.

"You do this every day?" I knew he did, of course he did, but it shocked me. I wasn't this productive in a week.

"Yup."

"You amaze me." I rested my head on his until our stop.

"Nap?" He pleaded, guiding us in to the coffee shop around the corner.

"Can't wait." He ordered coffee and I got an iced tea.

Once our drinks were ready we made for the theatre and snuggled in to my futon.

"How are you ever even up for sex?" I asked him, pulling up the blankets.

"You get used to it." He chuckled.

"I definitely don't believe you." I yawned.

"And I mean, have you seen my boyfriend? Who wouldn't want to fuck that anytime the opportunity presented itself?"

His lips found mine and I opened our kiss, tasting him, his tongue moving against mine, a passionate power play.

I hummed at his touches as his fingers explored my body, feeling like the first time he touched me every time. He moved his mouth hungrily, messily to my chin and sucked along my jaw, his mouth pausing at the pulsepoint. His name tasted sacred on my tongue. Alex responded to his name, hands becoming needier. I couldn't catch a breath, the sensations too close, too real. My clothes pulled away, his tongue gliding over my nipple, it hardening in the cool air without his mouth.

I nipped his ear and he moaned heartily. I loved this side of him, the side he hadn't been as ready to show, braver, more daring. He squirmed as I bit at his collarbones.

"Yeah, you like this, don't you?"

"Uhuh," he breathed, taking my hard dick in hand.

"You were so tired weren't you, but you wanted it too bad."

"So bad," he sucked a welt above my nipple and I barely kept myself together.

The scream of his alarm interrupted us.

"God…" he grumbled, turning it off.

My dick ached as I put clothes on, "we're usually so much better at time management, that was seriously an hour?"

"Yup," Alex winced, zipping his jeans over his erection.

"Can we call in sick? Does blue-balls count as sick?"

"I fucking wish. Come home with me tonight. Please? Please at least give me something to look forward to if my cock's gonna hurt all morning."

"Done."

I pressed him against the white brick wall and kissed him with everything I had. The friction of our bodies and the tight strain of my jeans enough to nearly make me come.

"Tonight." He breathed.

"Tonight." I promised.

We parted ways, keyed up as we did our jobs. I ignored the show. I struggled to pay attention to conversation with Lafayette. Everything was a nuisance that separated me from Alex and my need for him.

I hurried to him after the show and threw a change of clothes in my bag, nearly shoving him out the door. The train ride was so long. We kept hands on each other's thighs. Wanting one another so badly. He pulled me up the stairs.

"Remember abuela is there and Philip is sleeping." He whispered, unlocking his door.

The old woman was napping, a knitting project in her lap.

"Abuela, go home." Alex patted her shoulder.

"Oh, Alex, you're here." She tucked her things into a patchwork bag.

"Gracias, abuela." Alex got the door for her.

The old woman patted my cheek and smiled, "sé bueno con él."

I smiled back, not sure what that meant. Alex locked up behind her and shoved me against the wall. I kissed him furiously and spun us, hoisting him up, he wrapped his legs around my waist and I held him up. I carried him to his bedroom where I tossed him on the bed and mounted him, grinding our hips together.

"All fucking day." I whispered in his ear.

"All day." He agreed.

I kissed him and pulled away, watching him smile dopily.

"You know what my least favourite part of kissing you is?"

"Hmm?"

"That I can't see your pretty face while I do it." I kissed him again and pulled back just looking at him.

"Awh, don't say cute shit when we're about to fuck like we just met in a club and don't know each other's names and will definitely take a shame-cab home after this."

"Oh, sugar, I can still fuck you like that." I promised and pulled his shirt off, seeing the collar of bruises I'd bitten into his skin earlier. My dick twitched at the sight.

He shoved the lube into my hands and I smirked, shucking my clothes while he discarded his pants. I tested him with one finger, his body relaxed, accepting it. I pushed in and watched his body fall open in bloom, legs falling to either side, hands on his inner thighs, head tilted back. I wanted a garden filled with only him. Another finger and he tilted his hips to take it quicker, I giggled at this and gave him what he wanted. We stayed like this, him on my fingers, my tongue in my mouth.

Alex broke our kiss and begged for me. I let him roll a condom over my waiting hardness.

"You pick the position, darlin'," I slid my fingers free.

"Sit up." He pleaded.

I did as he asked. Would do anything he asked.

He straddled me, knees on either side of my hips, he took my dick in hand, I held his hips where they were, "wait."

"What?" His brows knit together as he whined.

My face split into a grin, "I love you."

He hugged me around my neck, "I love you, too."

"Proceed." I smirked.

He guided my dick and sat on it hard, holding himself while he wrapped his legs around my waist. I thrusted up deeper, one hand on his back, the other supporting us. He whimpered and the sound went straight to my dick. He rocked back and forth, looking like a goddamn porn star, mouth perfectly parted, eyes squeezed shut.

"Oh, Jack." He moaned, still rolling his hips.

This position gave me perfect access to his dick, I stroked him and used my other hand to play with his balls.

"Babe, oh, Christ, Jack that feels good."

"Love you," I kissed over where I'd left the bruises on his chest this morning, "love you, love you so much."

"Love you, John."

"I'm so close, Alex."

He rocked faster, "wait for me."

I tugged at his dick faster, feeling his muscles clench tighter around me.

"Alex." I begged.

I felt his orgasm even before he shot a mess between us, his whole body shuddering as he melted against me. My climax ripped through me like a flash of lightning, I dropped my head against his chest and caught my breath.

"That was so worth the wait." He kissed my head and slid off of me.

"Sure was."

Alex unlocked the door and put pants on, tossing me the pair I'd shoved in my bag.

"Kid… sorry." He muttered.

"Don't be." I pulled my pants on.

He snuggled up to me and turned off the lamp.

"Good night, sugar, I love you."

He wriggled tighter against me, "love you."

I got to stay and it was perfect. I fell asleep with him molded to me.

The shouting was what I noticed first, violent, caustic, abrupt. I sat up and realized it was Alex.

"Babe?" I held him.

He stopped screaming, but said nothing. I reached over to turn on the lamp. His eyes were open, vacant.

"Alex?" I ran my fingers through his hair and held him against my chest.

"'Lex, sugar. Wake up."

He blinked and scrubbed at his face, wiping the sweat away from his brow, his face fell, "I'm sorry."

"Why? Don't be sorry."

"No… I…" He sighed, dropping his face in his hands.

"Darlin', what's the matter?" I held him.

He groaned, "you shouldn't have to deal with this shit."

"No, it's fine… I mean… everyone has nightmares… it's cool."

"Cigarette?" He suggested.

"Yeah, babe, let's go." I joined him outside and he lit his smoke with shaky hands.

"So, uh… fun fact… I have night terrors."

"Okay," I shrugged.

"I have a lot of weird sleep problems." He chuckled nervously.

"I kind of figured, you're always jumpy when you wake up."

"Oh, you, uh, you noticed that already…"

"Yeah, no big deal… What happened to make you… y'know?"

"Therapist in college said it was stress. I have really bad anxiety… and not great depression, and I struggle a lot to sleep, the anxiety makes me flighty. Sleep deprivation makes the night terrors worse and the night terrors make the insomnia worse… but it's cool because eventually I'll die." He laughed it off.

"Baby," I wrapped an arm around him.

"So I keep myself awake as long as possible and then sleep and then freak out and then don't sleep until my body makes me, which pairs like a fine merlot with my shitty immune system."

"How come it took so long for me to see one?"

"Because, John," he cupped my cheek, "because, with you, I sleep, I'm safe."

"You slept last night." I offered, still trying to make sense of it.

"It kind of happens at random. They went away altogether for awhile. But… then they came back."

_Fucking Thomas._

"Well, hey, I don't think it's a big deal. Still love you."

"You sure?" He flicked his cigarette.

"Promise."

"I love you, too."

"You want to try and go back to sleep?"

He shook his head, "you should, though."

"Well, what are you gonna do?"

"Probably just work on music or read, or something like that."

"Can I hear your music?"

He blushed, "you really want to?"

"Of course I do, darlin'."

"It's kind of trash."

"Doubt it."

We went back inside and he plugged a pair of giant headphones into his keyboard and handed them to me. I put them on a listened to the melody he played.

"This is really pretty, are there words?"

"Um, yeah." He gulped.

"You sing 'em to me?"

"Um, well, I don't have all the words, but this beginning part's like the ensemble, I think, haven't hammered that out, but uh… yeah," he started the melody over and his fingers tripped on the keys, hitting sour notes, "sigue andando camino por toda su vida, respira."

I nodded along with it, his voice was beautiful and haunting.

He continued to play, "and then it's something-something, haven't figured it out-hey guys, it's me, the biggest disappointment you know, the kid couldn't hack it, she's back and she's walking real slow, welcome home, just breathe, and then there's some other shit… it's yeah…"

"It's beautiful, who sings it?"

"This girl, she's kind of me, I mean totally different, but I wrote it, wrote, hell, it's still not done, but I started it after my first semester in college. I had a one year old and I was pretty sure I was gonna drop out. I'm like the goddamn success story of this neighbourhood, had abuela breathing down my neck not to give up, all my neighbors rallying around me, helping with Philip, I felt like a phony, like I didn't deserve all the scholarships I'd gotten. I'm the first to go to college, my mom never did, and well, fuck my dad, he sure didn't, it was all on me, teen dad to have this crowning glory and it was so hard, but yeah, that's… there's a song… I wrote."

"I love it, Alex." I listened to him play in the headphones and sing softly until the sun rise.


	18. Chapter 18

I'd stayed with Alex almost every night in the week since he'd told me about his sleep habits. Most nights he slept at my side. On the night that he couldn't sleep I stayed up with him until the early early morning; talking, listening to his music. Philip, despite his grogginess in the morning, always seemed excited to wake up and see me there which I didn't have words to express gratitude for.

Alex's team was supposed to have been fully staffed again, but they were still missing people. He complained about it to me on the train to his house after a show.

"So, what's the plan for Saturday?" He finally changed subjects, done with his rant that I'd mostly paid attention to, paying more attention to what the words he spoke did to his facial expressions than the meanings of the words themselves.

"Actually, you're on your own for lunch…" I picked at my thumbnail.

"Okay? That's cool, what are you up to?" He covered my fidgeting hand reassuringly with his.

"I'm, I'm gonna go look at an apartment."

"What? That's so awesome!"

I delighted in his enthusiasm but tried not to get my hopes up. We spent the rest of the train ride in silence, trying not to fall asleep on each other. Once we got to his apartment we were both exhausted and fell asleep tangled together, him against my chest, staying that way until he jolted back to life in my arms at the sound of his alarm.

"Yay! You're here!" Philip squealed, coming out of his morning fugue when he saw me.

Alex got Philip's breakfast and then went about getting himself ready, taking a shower.

"Daddy? When can Mr. Lafayette do my braids again?" Philip called to his dad.

Alex called to him, through the bathroom door and over the sound of the shower "uh, I don't know, he's a busy guy."

"But he did it during Hell Week! That's the busiest ever!"

"Babe, you know I don't like you calling it that!" Alex shouted from the shower.

"That's what you call it!"

"I'm grown, you were also at the theatre with me, so he could do it between us running numbers."

I considered how similar my hair was to Philip's, "I-I could braid it if you want?"

He drug his finger back across his hair from his forehead to the nape of his neck, in strips over his head, "like boom, boom, boom?"

"I don't know what that means, sorry."

Alex came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped low around his waist, body glistening with droplets of water as he wrung his hair into a second towel. I stared at him and licked my lips, feeling my pupils blow. He smirked at me, taking note of how awestruck he made me.

"He means in cornrows," Alex clarified, "Laf did them for him a few months ago and his life has never been the same."

Philip shrugged, looking at me over his shoulder, "'cause I'm black. I looked cool."

I made a puzzled face and looked at Alex, who'd hung the second towel around his neck and held his face in his hand, "you're mixed, you're a quarter black, and a quarter white from your mother, and you're half latino from me."

"Huh?" He asked.

"Babe, eat your breakfast. We don't have time for me to teach you about Punnett Squares right now."

"Punn-a-who's?" Philip took a bite of his food.

"It's genetics, um, you know what, you'll learn about it in high school," Alex disappeared again to get dressed.

I crouched next to Philip, "I don't know how to do rows, but would two braids be okay?"

His eyes lit up, "yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Can you tell me where I would find a comb and detangling spray and hair ties?"

"In the bathroom on my shelf." He ate another bite.

I went into the bathroom, still humid and foggy from Alex's shower and found what I would need. I went back to the dining area and misted Philip's hair with detangler and carefully combed it through, parting it down the middle. His hair was shockingly similar to mine I realized as I started to twist it into a French braid. Alex came back and kissed my cheek.

"You're a brave man, learning how to do anything with this has taken many a youtube video and lots of tears and arguments," he ruffled the free half of Philip's hair, "look, Pip, you found a sucker." He chuckled.

"He's not a sucker, he's awesome!" Philip defended me.

"Maybe he could be an awesome sucker." Alex made it sound playful and silly but winked at me and all the blood in my face drained straight to my dick.

I secured his braid and started on the opposite side of his head. He sat ridiculously well for it, obviously used to having his hair taken care of. I secured the second braid and he hugged me, petting his braids. I went to get myself dressed. Alex shouted something about shoes and came into his bedroom, finding me half dressed, he pressed me against the wall and kissed me hard. I giggled into his mouth at his sudden vigor.

"Alex, we gotta go." I pushed at his chest half-heartedly.

"I know," he squeezed my hard dick through my underwear, and bent down to pick up his shoes, an innocent look on his face, "I had to get my shoes."

"Uhuh, sure you did," I stepped into my pants, "now I have to figure out how to wear pants, thanks for that."

He shrugged, taking it as a compliment, "you're welcome." He took his shoes back out to the living room.

The three of us were out the door to drop Philip off at abuela's, Alex hugged him goodbye and he gave me a quick hug before going in the open door where the old woman stood. We shoved our way onto the A with hundreds of other groggy commuters. Once at the theatre, we got to work, Alex having to work harder than me, trying to get his crew up to snuff.

After my meeting with the super on Saturday I was giddy on the train back to the theatre. Alex found me immediately when I walked in and pulled me down the hall where we had more privacy, "well? How did it go?"

I dangled my keys in front of his face and he squeezed me in a hug, "baby! I'm so proud of you. My man has a place!"

"I mean, it's tiny, your place is way nicer." I countered.

He kissed me, "doesn't matter, this is your place."

I smirked at him, he was so good for me.

"When do you move in?"

I shrugged, "whenever, I guess. It's not like I have that much shit, I need to buy like a bed, and other furniture."

"How about tomorrow we all go furniture shopping?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, for sure, let my kid jump on expensive mattresses, it'll be the shit." He smirked.

"Sounds like a good time." I grinned at him.

"So, where is this lovely apartment that my man's gonna live in?"

"West Harlem-ish."

"Ooh, look at you."

"More importantly, I'm exactly twelve minutes away from you, I mapped it."

"That's like booty call convenient." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes and grinned. We had to go back to work for the second show, but I rode on a high.

The next day, I met Alex and Philip at a furniture store between our two places. Philip seemed amazed by everything.

"Mattress first?" Alex suggested.

"It is the most important." I slid my hand into his back pocket while we walked.

We tried a few mattresses out, Philip bouncing at the foot of each one. He commented that he liked each of them. I went with the most comfortable thing that almost no money could buy. Next was a couch. I found something decent, big enough to be slept on. I arranged for the furniture to be delivered, deciding I could supplement everything else later once I'd gotten everything else I'd need. Despite all of the money I'd spent I was ecstatic, finally so close to my own place.

Back at Alex's after dinner, Philip played on the living room floor while we chatted, it was getting late. Alex was twirling his fingers in the baby hairs at the nape of my neck, his legs kicked up in my lap so I could rub his feet.

He looked around his apartment, almost surveying it, "I can't promise that I have anything good, but I have spare sheets and pots and all of that crap, get you through for a while."

"Really?"

"Duh, absolutely, take all my stuff."

"Not all of it!" Philip protested.

"Stop. I'm being silly." Alex quieted him, rolling his eyes.

"Mr. John, can I see your house?" Philip asked with enthusiasm, standing up and turning to face me.

"Maybe once there's stuff in it, it's pretty sad and empty right now."

"Can we once there's stuff, daddy?"

"Probably."

"Yay!" He got up and threw his arms around me, "I want to see your house!"

I patted his back, "deal."

Philip crawled up in Alex's lap and yawned, Alex kissed his head, leaving his nose in his hair, and I was almost sure he smelled him, eyes shutting, smile playing at his lips, "you sleepy, my baby?"

Philip nodded, burrowing into his chest. Alex pulled his open hoodie around the boy and it suddenly made sense why he wore them so baggy.

"Why don't you go get ready for bed, then?" Alex swayed gently side to side, the motion seeming subconscious.

Philip shook his head, "want some cuddles."

"Need to go to bed, punk. School starts on Tuesday."

"Sleep with you?"

Alex looked at me for an answer.

I stammered, "what? Oh, um, I don't care, more the merrier!"

"Yay!" Philip giggled.

"Now, will you go get ready?" Alex asked the boy.

Philip reluctantly got up and trudged to the bathroom.

Alex winced, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I was shocked by his apology.

"Kind of ruins our bedroom plans." He scrunched his mouth to one side.

I moved his legs off my lap and crawled over them to reach his face and kiss him, "what plans were those? Making you feel loved and taken care of, and happy, secure so you can sleep through the night? My plans are still just as intact with or without Philip"

He sat blinking at me and swallowed, "I think you just gave me a feelings boner."

I stroked his cheek, "there's so much more to me loving you than sex. I mean, it's a great perk, just look at you, sweet Jesus, the things you can do with that ass, that mouth, mmm, but, Alex, I love you for so much more than that, sugar."

Alex pointedly looked away from me and swallowed. I kissed his forehead and hopped up, scurrying to join Philip in the bathroom, his mouth foaming with toothpaste, he grinned at me.

"You gonna share the sink, here, kid?" I bumped him with my hip and tied my hair back to keep it out of the way.

He bumped back, boxing me out, giggling around his toothbrush, I reached over his head and got my toothbrush, the one that lived here, right next to theirs. I brushed my teeth with Philip, Alex stood in the hallway watching, I wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but I felt the heat rise in my cheeks seeing him watch us.

Philip spat in the sink and rinsed out his mouth. I repeated the actions and then we parted ways to change for bed.

Alex and I curled up in his bed and he shouted for Philip, "dude, what are you doing?"

Philip bounded into the bedroom, "had to pick the right animal!" he brandished a lion stuffed animal that had seen better days.

"Okay, well come on, grown ups are sleepy, so you need to come to bed." Alex patted the space in front of him on the bed.

Philip climbed up onto the mattress and wedged himself between Alex and I.

"Bro, what are you doing?" Alex grabbed him by the waist to try and haul him to the side, but he clung to my neck.

"Get even more cuddles this way… Daddy, it's science."

Alex sighed, "Pip, come on, John doesn't deserve to have to see what sleeping with you is really like, I'm sure he's fond of where his ribs are without your assistance."

Philip squeezed me and curled up in front of Alex, who tucked him in. Alex kissed his cheek and looked over his shoulder for a kiss from me.

"Can you grab the light, sweetheart?" Alex asked me.

I clicked the lamp off and held him around his waist, forming my body to the shape of his, whispering I love you's and stroking his hair until we submitted to sleep.

My nose itched, my hair tickling it, I pawed at my forehead to push my hair back, but couldn't find the offensive curls. I wrinkled my nose again and felt my head, realizing my hair was still tied back. Feeling the curls in my nose and in my mouth and tickling my cheeks I opened my eyes to solve the mystery, and noticed then how dead my arm felt under Alex's head.

Philip lie between me and Alex, his arm across his father's head, fingers dangling in his face. His head rested on my arm behind Alex's, hair a splash of curls around his head, dancing in my face. I smoothed them away and readjusted, trying not to disturb either of them, it was still full dark outside. I flexed my fingers, squeezing a fist and opening it, setting my arm alight with pins and needles under their heads.

I settled back in, my movements disturbing Philip who stretched and donkey kicked me in the thigh. I bit my lip and breathed through the pain, reaching down to move his foot off my thigh, still reverberating with paid. He flailed and rolled over, facing me, he nuzzled his head under my chin - hair invading every inch of my face - and tucked his arms against my chest. Sleeping just like Alex liked to. I patted his back and fell back asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are just too good to me. Thank you for all the love you show my work. It really does mean the world to me. Enjoy!

"Big night." Alex sighed over the phone.

"Sure is," I agreed, burrowing deeper under my blanket, an extra quilt Alex had, I'd gotten to get rid of the torn up, stained comforter I'd brought with me from South Carolina. It smelled like him.

"I'm gonna have a second grader." He chuckled to himself.

"You're quite the old man."

"Oh, yeah, just about half way through my twenties, better have Philip start picking out my nursing home."

I couldn't help but laugh, it was easy to forget he really was so young, a year younger than me, his life was so put together. I felt lucky to be a part of it.

"How's the bed?" Alex asked.

I stretched out to test it and then retracted into my little ball, "weird. I haven't slept in a real bed alone in… years."

"Maybe soon I'll come break it in with you." I could almost hear the blush on his face.

"Ooh, am I being flirted with?"

"Maybe. You happy with the new place?"

I shrugged, wishing I was just with him, "yeah."

"You sound tired."

"I am," I yawned.

"Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"I don't know, I'm all anxious, new place and all."

"If I go to bed will you go to bed?"

"Will you actually go to bed?" I laughed, knowing him.

"You've got me there."

We stayed on the phone a little longer and I finally got too tired to keep talking, we said our goodnights and I tried to fall asleep in my strange, new apartment.

Alex and I met up at the theatre in the morning, he was smiling sadly, I knew this morning would be tough on him and I hugged him when I saw him.

"You doin' okay?" I asked.

He let out a sigh but grinned and dug his phone out, swiping through to get to his camera reel. He showed me pictures of Philip standing on the steps outside their building in a navy polo and khaki slacks, backpack strapped to his back, grinning with all his face.

I pouted in awe at Alex and looked at the picture some more, "he looks so big. Like, he looks grown up."

Alex nodded, "where did my baby go?"

"I can't stand how cute he is."

He smiled and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"You didn't sleep last night, did you?"

He winced nervously, "sure gonna miss our naps."

"Futon's still there, it belongs to the theatre." I quirked an eyebrow.

"Can we take a nap?" He pleaded.

I nodded, excited to be close to him. We snuck down the hall to the now almost empty green room and curled up together on what had been my bed for longer than I liked to admit. He snuggled against me and I held him eagerly, not even napping, just holding him. I kept an eye on the time and turned his alarm off with five minutes to spare before it would ring.

I kissed his forehead and stroked arm gently, cooing to him, "Alex, baby, it's time to wake up."

He stretched and curled back into me, not waking up.

I took his hand and kissed each of his fingers, "darlin', wake up."

He blinked and looked at me, I took pride in how calmly I got him to wake up. He kissed me and grinned.

"Where you sleeping tonight?" Alex asked.

"I hadn't gotten that far."

"I feel bad taking you away from your new place, but this nap was so good. I want more."

"Don't feel bad, it's just a place. Places don't matter, people do."

"You sure know how to melt a sappy bitch's heart, you know that, Jack?"

We sat up on the futon, it still felt more like home than my apartment. Alex stayed leaned against me, I scratched his head and convinced myself to get up.

Alex spent the morning running through scene changes with his team, I could tell that he still wasn't thrilled with the new interns. We caught up to have lunch before the call.

"Man, I don't like when those stairs turn, Thomas always pushes too fast for the cue like he's fucking compensating. Did you see how he almost squished the new intern?" He grumbled around a french fry.

"I mean it doesn't look that bad watching." I offered, knowing it would matter little to him.

"But I can tell that it's bad."

"I get that. I'm a perfectionist, too."

"I think I should switch with the intern on that one. Bully Thomas back until we get the timing right."

I held his hand as we walked in lockstep back to the theatre. We didn't leave each other's sides until Alex's huddle with his team.

The transition he was worried about went more smoothly with him and the intern switching positions. I was happy to listen to him talk about it on the train back to his apartment. Once we got in to his apartment he relieved abuela - did she have a real name? - and went to check on Philip. I stayed in the hallway quietly, watching him adjust the blankets and tuck the lion stuffed animal beside him. He kissed the boy's forehead headed for his bedroom.

"You interested in sleeping?" I asked him.

He nodded and we got into bed where curled up against me. I made sure that he was asleep before I let myself drift off. He looked so peaceful when he slept, the worry on his face fell away. I slept until I heard running footsteps and sniffling tears. Alex bolted up while I was still in my dreamy haze,  _he never turned off._ Philip was at the edge of Alex's bed, lion in his arms, I could make out his trembling chin in the dark.

"Daddy... sleep with you?" Philip cried, scrambling up onto the bed and over me into Alex's waiting arms.

Alex rocked him and smoothed his hair away from his face, hushing him. Philip's cries turned to hiccups and then he fell back asleep. Alex lie the boy down beside him and pushed his back against my chest to be close to me while comforting his son.

"Does he…" I trailed off, not wanting to be a jerk.

Alex chuckled, inferring my meaning, "night terrors? Nah, kids just have bad dreams sometimes."

I nodded and tried to stay up, knowing that Alex would be up for the rest of the night. I listened to him hum to Philip and the sound made sleep too inviting.

When I woke back up in the morning, my head was on Alex's thigh, he was sitting up, his hand buried in my hair, his other hand rubbing Philip's back. I kissed Alex's belly, and worked my way up his chest, to his neck, finally to his mouth.

"Get up as quietly as you can." He whispered.

I nodded and slipped out of bed, he carefully inched out of the bed behind me. He quietly pulled his door shut behind us. Alex spread the throw blanket out over the cold, leather couch and pulled at my shirt. I slipped it off and bit my lip. He was naked on the couch.

"Damn, babe. Look at you." I nearly snarled at the sight of him.

He blushed and looked away from me. I pulled my sweatpants off and sat on the couch beside him, pulling him into my lap.

"Fuck, we don't have any lube." I grumbled.

He reached deep into the couch cushions, I watched his face change as he rooted in the back of the couch. Finally, with a victorious grin he produced a bottle of lube.

"Got it!"

"Wait… what?" I grinned at him, somewhat in shock.

"Don't worry about it." he smirked and fished around in the couch, retrieving a foil wrapped condom.

"What the fuck else are you hiding in there?"

"Mmm, that's it,"

"Why?" I was puzzled.

He gestured wildly between us, pointed at the bedroom, and shrugging.

"Oh, right, guess you have a point."

This had happened before, I felt a pang of jealousy that made me want him even more.

I lubed my hand and stroked myself hard, my mouth hard on his. He took my dick in hand and lined himself up.

I stopped him, "are you sure he won't…" I looked at his bedroom door over my shoulder, more nervous to have sex than when I'd snuck a boy into my father's house.

"Psh,  _my_ kid, not a chance in hell."

I nodded and panted while he took me, I felt every inch swallowed whole by his body until he was sitting firmly in my lap. His head dropped back, mouth falling open, getting used to taking me. I stroked his dick and let him ride me at the pace he wanted, watching pleasure unfold on his face. I loved letting him have control. It was hot in and of itself to see him blossoming into someone so confident, so strong, his confidence was as big a turn on as his body.

He bent forward and kissed me. I moaned into his kiss. The softness of his mouth threw me, it felt like melting, like hot caramel, freshly baked bread, a pillow under crown jewels. He kept riding me, grinding back and forth on my dick, a sensation so abrupt, contrasting with the softness of his mouth. My hand was still wrapped around him, pinned between us, I did my best to stroke him in the encumbered space between our bodies.

I wanted to talk to him, tell him how pretty he was, tell him how good it felt to have him on my dick, but I didn't trust my voice if I opened my mouth. I kept my mouth clamped shut once he'd sat back up to get a different angle. He rested his elbow on the back of the couch and bit his knuckles, keeping himself quiet. His face was twisted in ecstasy, he was so perfect, body working me over, I thought about all the reasons I had to love him and leaned up on my elbows,  _I had to talk to him._

I wrapped an arm around his waist and whispered in his ear, "Alex, darlin', I love you."

His whole body shuddered and he broke into a grin and his breath quickened.

"Love you, Jack. Fucking Hell, I love you," he whispered around his knuckles.

I sat up more and stroked his cheek, "look so pretty like this."

He sank into my chest, "John, John… fuck, baby." He came, mouth on my throat, sucking at the flesh to keep himself quiet.

I wrapped both arms around him and held him down hard on my dick and came.

We cleaned up, dressed back in our pajamas, and with a final kiss the morning began, Alex bustling through the house.

"Come on, Pip!" He called for no less than the fifth time.

I was already dressed for the day and went to Alex's bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed, "hey, you, think you probably ought to get up and get to school." I stroked Philip's hair.

He shook his head and scootched closer to me, wrapping his arms around my thigh, nuzzling his head up on my hip. Alex stood before us, smiling. He caressed my cheek with his thumb. I rooted against the warmth of his hand.

"Alright, booger, let's go, got your clothes." He told Philip.

"I have John." Philip tightened his grip on my thigh.

"And?"

"I like him."

"Well, yeah, me, too, but you have to go to school." Alex rolled his eyes.

"Let's go, buddy." I patted Philip's arm.

He picked his head up and wiped his eyes, frowning.

"I know, I'm the worst." Alex chuckled.

Philip scowled and nodded in agreement.

Alex managed to get Philip ready and we were out the door, Philip tried to stop on the second floor.

"I just wanna say hi to abuela!" He pleaded.

"No, kid, you're gonna be late to school." Alex held out his hand and Philip took it.

We got on the A and Philip sat between us, his backpack slumping him forward. Alex gave him a granola bar since he'd slept too late to eat a real breakfast. His school was only a few stops away, Alex stopped in front of the building and they did a complicated secret handshake, Philip squeezed me in a hug and bounded into the school.

"It's still pretty early." I shrugged on the train, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah." Alex shrugged back, settling against me on our ride.

"My place is only a few stops away."

"Oh, shit." He looked at me.

"You wanna come see it?"

"Duh."

I grinned and kissed him quickly.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be one of my favourite chapters. I hope you enjoy it!

Coming to my apartment in the morning became our new ritual. I'd stayed at my place last night and Alex was coming by after dropping Philip off at school.

"Hey, sweetheart." He grinned and presented me with a package of Sour Patch Kids.

I smiled and kissed him, barely able to keep our teeth from knocking together from my smile.

"You're the best."

He shrugged it off, "I stopped at the bodega to get myself some coffee, thought you could maybe use a pick me up, too."

"You want a nap?" I offered.

"I'm good, I have my coffee. I mean, maybe we could do something else in that nice, new bed of yours."

"Damn, 'Lex." I pushed him toward my bed, tucked into the  _alcove_ pretending to be a separate room.

"So, I was thinking…" he trailed off.

"What's up?" I held him, letting him take his time, he seemed nervous.

"Well… uh, remember how a while back we were chatting and you were all, 'yo, do you ever top?' And I was like, 'meh,'?"

I nodded, "yeah?"

"I was thinking maybe you'd want to give that a shot?"

I sprang forward onto him, "fuck yes." I kissed him hard, arms around him, getting everything I could out of our limited time together.

"Shower." I demanded, standing us up.

He nodded and across my small apartment we discarded clothes on the way to the bathroom. The pipes banged and groaned as I turned the water on, the showerhead sputtering and coughing before a stream of water rained down on us.

Alex smiled, breaking out of the mood momentarily, "hmm... you don't have any toys in here."

"What? No, I don't keep plugs and shit in the shower, weirdo."

His head dropped forward and his shoulders shook with laughter, "no, I mean  _toys_ toys. Do you know how long it's been since I've showered without Bert and Ernie and duckies and fucking turtles that squirt water out of their mouth? An adult shower… it's nice."

A blush rose to my cheeks, "oh, right… because you live with a child who has… toys… I... right."

"Does your mind feel particularly caked in piss and refuse from how much time it spends in the gutter?" He teased.

"You know… a little bit, yeah." I giggled.

He blinked water out of his eyes and leaned forward to kiss my neck. We shared a laugh and slowly got back into the vibe. We washed each other, mouths on lips, necks, shoulders, arms, nipples. He shivered when we stepped out of the shower, I handed him a towel and scrubbed myself dry. His hair hung around his shoulders, droplets sparkling in his goatee, down the patch of hair on his chest. I bit my lip with want.

Alex was like a new man. He straddled me and pushed me back onto the pillows. His hands explored my chest. Everything felt new. I let him kiss me, we'd gotten into a routine with foreplay, knew how our bodies worked within the roles we'd taken, but this was foreign. His hands were in my hair, gripping it tightly, sending pinpricks of pain down my spine. My heart beat out of my chest, his unexpected movements like an unseen turn on roller coaster ride in the dark. I pulled the quilt around him to keep him warm while he kissed me. He slid down my body and pressed his lips against my dick, it twitched at the contact.

I gasped and he tapped my thighs for me to open them. I complied and his tongue played at my balls, moving further back. He lapped at my entrance and I moaned involuntarily, barely believing the sound had come from my own throat. The tip of his tongue swirled around my hole and I hitched my legs over his back as he worked.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let the sensation be a flash of colours behind my eyelids as his tongue moved over my flesh, he ran his finger alongside his tongue and pressed at the entrance, my back arched off the bed and I gripped his hair. He pressed on and I relaxed, loving the brightness of the intrusion. His lips were on either side of his finger, delicate and warm, his tongue working me over. His name fell from my lips with the accidence of gravity, an unstoppable flow, like a quickly moving waterfall of  _Alex…_

He chuckled at my repetition of his name. His breath was enough to push me over the edge. I came, untouched, panting. He slid his finger free and hovered over me.

"I told you, I eat a mean ass."

"Fucking right you do. Now you gonna fuck me or were you just talking about it?"

His face turned into a surprised grin, "yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." I rifled under the bed for a condom and handed it to him, he rolled it on and slicked himself with lube.

I held the backs of my thighs close to my chest as he pressed in, feeling my hamstrings pulse as I took every inch of him. His grin was tranquil, dopey, eyes gently shut, feeling me.

"You feel so good," he kissed my chest, thrusting gently.

I smiled up at him, "you can, uh, go a little harder if you want."

He nodded, "is that what you like?"

"Yeah, please, short and fast." I swallowed.

He changed his thrusts to accommodate my request, striking home on my prostate every time. My mouth fell open and he took the opportunity to seal our mouths together, tongue prodding with the same intensity of his dick. My breath caught.

"The fuckin' Yankees… I wish I followed sports still." I breathed, already feeling close again.

Alex chuckled and sucked a welt under my collarbone. He fucked me harder, faster, his thrusts becoming irregular. He pressed deep and stayed motionless, his forehead dropping on my chest, I felt his dick pulse with his orgasm. The brush of his belly on my untouched dick as he flattened against my body, still pulsing inside me, did me in. I twitched as I came for a second time.

"Wanna stay here forever." He kissed my neck.

"I know. We have to go to work, though." I sighed.

He pulled out slowly and I got dressed for the day. We took the A in together, hands twined around each other like crops in a vineyard, growing what would become the sweetest wine.

"That was really good for me, by the way, might have to do that more often."

He grinned, nervously, "yeah?"

I nodded, "oh, hell yeah."

Alex rested his head on my shoulder, I kissed his forehead and nuzzled my cheek against his hair.

The day drug on, in the tech lounge I'd folded myself up in a corner and was sketching Alex, listening to him talk to the grip crew, giving them a pep talk to make this a good show, his new interns still seemed to lack confidence in their role.

Thomas leaned against one of the sofas and picked at his nails, then fidgeted with his hair, doing everything in his power to make it clear that he thought that he was above the conversation.  _Fucking Thomas._  Up close, I could see the appeal, once you got past the part where he was human garbage and the part where he looked like my best friend - who I maybe had a crush on when I met - his smooth, deep skin, dark eyes, his hair, perfectly imperfect, an aureola around his beautiful face. His neat facial hair, full lips. I hated myself for seeing anything decent in him.

The show began and I was bored in my booth, mumbling LX cues into the headset through the show. I harnessed myself and climbed the truss, it was easier to see Alex up there. I fished a Sour Patch Kid out of my cargo pocket and watched the same show for what may as well have been the millionth time. Alex's grace, he would be so unnoticed by the audience, his goal. I snickered silently to myself, there were silly people down there who'd paid actual  _hundreds_ of dollars, and they were completely oblivious to most valuable, beautiful, show stopping creature in the whole theatre.

I paid special attention to the cue with the stairs that had been giving Alex such a hard time, he was pulling the stairs to rotate them to the off position. He was easy to see where he was upstage from my vantage point. Thomas was shoving the scenery too fast, it was gawky. The stairs stopped abruptly and I saw Alex inhale sharply, wincing as he pulled his foot out from under the wagon. I was moving, scaling down the truss, across the catwalk, sliding down the rope.

Once on the ground I switched my headset to the emergency channel in time to hear Alex's voice, a calm whisper, "yeah… gonna need medics over here, be cool, though, no biggie."

I raced behind the stage to Stage Right and found him in one of the folding chairs, breathing deeply, foot kicked out straight, his face was twisted up in pain.

"Alex," I whispered, crouching beside him, "baby, what happened?"

"He went too fast, ran me over, I felt something... I guess, 'pop' is the word I'm looking for."

His crew was beside him, fussing over him, I waved them away to give him space.

"Do your jobs, I can't be discreet, you're gonna have to pick up my slack."

His grips nodded and readied themselves for the next change. The medic on staff got to his side and he explained the situation.

I pushed to talk to my team through my headset, "hey, I got a situation down here, I'm not watching, keep your shit together for five minutes?"

The medic was convincing Alex to leave for the hospital.

"We'll worry about that after the show." He shook his head vehemently.

The medic gave up and propped his foot on another folding chair and gave him some painkillers. I watched Alex's jaw work and heard the crunch of the pills between his teeth.

"You're pretty fucking metal." I told him as he gulped coffee that had to be cold by now.

"Hurts pretty fucking bad."

I rubbed his shoulders, trying to do anything to comfort him, the show seemed to drag on for hours. Once it was over I helped him to the tech lounge, propping his foot on the couch. The running crew huddled and Lafayette appeared.

"What has happened?" He asked, staring at Alex with worry.

Alex's eyes flicked at Thomas and then quickly to the ground, "I got caught under the stairs during GQ seventeen."

Thomas looked too smug, trying to abstain from any associated guilt.

"That doesn't sound right. How did you get caught?" Lafayette crossed his arms and looked into each of the faces of the crew, still in their all-blacks.

"I'm not really sure."

"No, Alex, tell him. Look, Laf, I saw everything, I was up on the truss-"

Laf cut me off, "I wish you wouldn't do that."

"Okay, but I do. Anyway I saw everything, Thomas shoved the staircase and ran Alex over. I mean, it looked like he meant it. Like he… meant to hurt him."

Thomas scoffed, "okay. Ever consider that Alexander maybe just didn't move quickly enough?"

"It isn't about quick, it's about fluid, our whole job is to not catch the audience's eye." Alex countered.

"It is true." Lafayette agreed.

I watched Thomas's lips move, I was sure that it was something rude or something that would further emphasize his incompetence, but as I watched him speak, eyebrows quirking, like the goddamn Cheshire cat as he grinned too big for his stupid face all I could hear coming out of his mouth was, 'please, John Laurens, please punch me in the face.'

I managed to tune back in, to hear what he was saying around that cocky smirk, "I mean, maybe you're just distracted,  _I know_ how hard it is for you to balance your son and a relationship, and your job. I guess you had to let one of those things slide." His eyes found mine and his smirk widened.

I've made a lot of bad choices, a game of Never Have I Ever almost certainly amounts to me getting cirrhosis of the liver from how many shots I'd have to do, like, at least forty-one. Most of the times I'd made a bad choice I could tell it was happening, but in, like, an out of body experience, 'oh, hey, look, Jackie, you're about to do something stupid, let's watch!' this was no different. I felt my fingers curl up against my palm, I felt my wrist straighten, I felt myself take a step forward, bracing my center of gravity, and  _oh, God,_ did I feel Thomas's skin give under my knuckles. His scratchy beard manicured high on his cheek against my fingers. My ears rang, unable to register the gasps in the room.

"Fuck." I covered my mouth with my other hand and stepped back, blinking.

Lafayette grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me in a leather chair.

"You all saw that, right?" Thomas touched his cheek with shaking hands.

One of the interns shrugged, "you're kind of an asshole, man, I'm pretty sure you broke his foot. Seems fair."

Another one of Alex's crew spoke up, "I mean, I've heard the way you talk to him on the headset. You treat Alex like crap. I'd believe you meant it."

One of Thomas's crew agreed, "dude, give it up, you treat everyone like shit."

"I won't press charges if you won't," Alex stared him down, "my words against yours, I'll make sure the cops have  _every_ text."

Thomas paled, "okay, okay, deal."

The medic came in, "sorry to break up this pow wow, but contracts state we gotta get this guy to the hospital."

Thomas held his cheek tenderly, "I, too require medical attention."

Lafayette rolled his eyes and sneered, "such a pouffiasse."

Thomas's mouth dropped open at this.

"Go home, Thomas." Lafayette shook his head.

I smirked quietly at Alex.

"Okay, but, seriously, we've got the ambulance outside." The medic stood there awkwardly.

"Ambulance?" Alex frowned.

"Contract." The medic insisted.

"I'll come with you." I reassured him.

He nodded and let me take some of his weight. I helped him out the stage door and he got loaded up onto the stretcher, arms crossed.

"This is silly." He snorted.

"It's fine, darlin'." I climbed in behind the paramedics.

"I'm fine, that's why it's silly. All this over a foot?"

"I mean you can't walk on it." I shook my head at his, giggling softly.

"You guys been together a long time?" One of the paramedics asked.

"Couple months." Alex told her.

"That's it? Seems like a lot longer."

I smiled, "feels like it."

We got to the hospital and I sat with Alex in triage, it was getting late. He was fine enough that he got shuffled lower and lower on the priority list. Fine by me.

"I can't believe I punched him." I held my face in my hands.

"Are you kidding me? That was the greatest thing I've ever seen."

"What? No. That was awful. Do you think I'm the worst?"

He tutted a laugh, "I mean, if anything it kind of turned me on, you know how long I've wanted someone to do that?"

I grinned at him and we sat a while longer in silence.

"Can I ask you to do something?" Alex seemed hesitant.

"Yeah, of course, always, what do you need?" I leapt up from the hard, plastic chair.

"Do you mind going to my place so Abuela can go home? I know she's fallen asleep at my apartment, but she's too old to sleep on the couch."

"Yeah, yeah, you're okay by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm good, no sense in freaking out till I get xrays."

"Call me?"

"Soon as I hear something."

I leaned over his bed and kissed him, "I love you. Gonna be fine."

"Love you, too. Thanks." He handed me his keys.

I took the train to his place and walked up  _all those stairs._ Fuck. The stairs. I unlocked the door and found his abuela sleeping on the sofa. I took a deep breath and tried not to startle her just by virtue of not being Alex. I hoped she remembered me.

"Um… Abuela?"

She opened her eyes, "Alexander?"

"He's fine, he, uh, his foot's hurt, he's at the hospital."

Her brows knit together and she muttered, "dios mio."

"He's okay, though, needs, um, x-rays, he sent me here to take over for you."

"Oh, oh, yes." She gathered her things and patted my shoulder, leaving.

I stuck my head in Philip's room. His foot dangled off the edge of his bed. I contemplated whether or not to situate him, deciding that I didn't want to wake him and upset him with the details of where Alex was.

In the kitchen, I made myself a bowl of cereal and texted Alex.

**All good in the hood.**

**Sweet. Just had x-rays, waiting on the doctor.**

I kept my phone nearby and waited for him to call me, it was another hour.

"What's the verdict?" I asked.

"A broken metatarsal. I get a walking cast, but apparently the ortho isn't in yet, so I get to hang out overnight, they're being very specific about not admitting me, but I don't get to go home yet."

"Sorry, sugar."

"You think you can manage Pip in the morning? If not, that's super cool, I'll get abuela, she can-"

"Alex. It's fine, I got it, we leave here by quarter to eight at the latest, right?"

"Yup."

"I got this."

"I'm so sorry to put this on you."

"Don't be, not at all. I'm so happy to do anything to help. We'll figure things out."  _We would._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Will ho self out for Sour Patch Kids and comments.


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